[talula25]

I have recently been told by my psychiatrist that I have a personality disorder, I am waiting for psychological therapy to start which feels like years I've been waiting their taking that long to sort it out. In the mean time I'm really struggling to the point I don't want to be here anymore. I thought I would never be a person to ever think like this but I just don't seem to be able to stop myself. My mood this weekend has been horrendous to say the least and I'm surprised I still have a partner because he has been in the firing line of my mood. Yet I don't feel sorry for it either, which confuses me because deep down I know I probably should feel sorry for the way I've behaved towards him. I am 25 years old and there are other members of my family who suffer with mental health issues so I suppose you could say it was inevitable that I wouldn't escape something but that still hasn't prepared me for these thoughts and feelings I am going through right now. I feel lost within myself, I don't feel I know who I am or why I'm even here. I feel angry and feel a huge urge to smash my entire apartment up, I am struggling with the concept of having to speak to anyone about anything face to face just the thought of it annoys me. Even down to just nipping to the shop and saying hello when buying something annoys me. I don't even want to speak to my family and I find myself finding reasons not to and reasons why there out to get me if you like. I just cant be bothered with anything the slightest thing makes me angry, yet I don't like who I have become anymore always stressed, angry, upset, alone, low. What is wrong with me really this is ridiculous!!

[greentires4me]

hello talula,

welcome to the forum and PC!

First I like to hug you (((tatula))) its okay we will get through this you'll be alright. It must feel like a little guilt and morning of yourself of yourself before the diagnosis. Its something we all have come to terms with about so your not alone on that front.

Just take one day at a time...and breath 4 in and hold for 4 and breath out 4 .

You can do this even if its strange, unusual, foreign, and definitely out of your control. I believe in you!!!

[Rose76]

It sounds like you are struggling to grapple. Keep trying. Things can get better. Try to read all you can about the problem that the psychiatrist says you have. Take from that what makes sense to you. Coming from a family of people with a lot of emotional turmoil could be a lot of your problem. We learn to feel the way people we grew up around feel. But you can learn better ways of coping. Being young gives you time. Also, it sounds like you are trying to be honest with yourself. That's a good thing.

Try not to mess up the apartment. I've done that. They I felt bad having my place all a wreck. Let us know how the psychotherapy goes. (((HUGS)))