[poptart316]

I was in the living room with my grandma, I asked if I could borrow some money for cigarettes.. I had some money from a settlement and I've spent it all.. so she asked about it and she's like "you spent it all?" and started going on about how I need to be more responsible and how I need to figure out about what I'm going to do in 18 months when she goes into a retirement home and how she doesn't want to hear about my misery.. then she's like "have you ever considered that this is why Chris doesn't want to be with you, that he see's you doing absolutely nothing when he has 2 jobs" which really hit a ****ing nerve.. I sat there for a minute then I went into the kitchen and knocked down a couple chairs, ripped open the bread and threw it across the room, then threw a bowl of corn across the room and started yelling at her... I was like a little kid having a temper tantrum. I do things like this periodically, usually when I get into it with my grandparents.. I learned this from my family, they throw fits and sometimes throw things. She just said the WRONG thing and I couldn't handle it. Like why the **** would she say that to me? As if I'm not already broken up about Chris breaking up with me... as if I haven't already thought that on top of a million other things? As if I don't already know that I'm not the most responsible person and can't get my **** together? I am ALWAYS thinking about that, worrying about my future and beating myself for it. She's an emotionally abusive ***** like everyone else in my family and I can't stand it. I don't even talk to her about my "misery," really.. every once in a while I'll share how I'm feeling but I never go into detail, I never share my concerns, worries or anything with her so I dunno wtf she's even talking about with "I don't want hear about your misery".. and I'm not doing absolutely nothing.. I'm tending to my mental health needs first and foremost.. I have two appointments tomorrow, one is with a therapist and the other is at a clinic that has a job counseling program where they help you find a job. I'm applying to places. I'm trying to get my school **** sorted out so I can go back to school. I've called my job counselor so I can make an appointment and see if my vocational test results came back so I know what direction to go in... I'm doing what I can, I'm doing ALL that I can.. but it's never good enough for her or anybody else. I'm so tired of this ****.

[Luvmydog]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. The situation with Chris must be painful enough, let alone when someone jabs a stick in the wound. It sounds like you have a good plan for the future, with the vocational stuff, the therapy, and the job counseling. I hope that it all goes well for you tomorrow. Best of luck.

[brannabruh101]

I know how you feel, my mum says things like that because I don't have a job yet either. but I go to this job club thing (a place people go to find a job), and do actually try, it's just I can't find anyone that wants to employ me right now. Doesn't mean I'm not looking.
Just continue trying, don't give up, then eventually your efforts will pay off and you'll be able to say, 'I told you I could do it.'
as for Chris, don't stress, if it was real he'll come back. if not, you'll find someone that's meant for you. (I know you might feel heartbroken at this stage, but it's better now than later)
hugs x

[GeorgiaGirl413]

poptart, so sorry that this happened to you. Sounds like you have a plan in place, just keep doing the next right thing. (But do try to avoid the temper tantrums in the future if at all possible. They might make you feel better for the moment, but generally make things worse in the long run. Talk with your T about more constructive ways to deal with your emotions when you are ready to "flip out")