Lack of/fake empathy?

I actually grew up with my motherly virtually completely absent outside of hour long visits every few months; in addition, my father was very absent as well because I was taken from both of my parents at age 3. He was trying to be part of my and my sister's lives, but he was obsessed with work and was really, really, really inconsistent. He never went through with any of his promises and when I grew older and was returned to his custody he was absolutely wreched! I intentionally put myself in mental wards to get away from him. I grew up raised by my grandmother and uncle (which is a whole other situation), and they were very emotionally abusive as well. I have been a perfectionist as a baby and I think that I took all of their criticism as me being not good enough, in turn leading to both bpd (mainly) and npd traits. I have always felt incredibly disconnected from other humans. I guess when I was an infant I even refused to breastfeed! Anyone have a theory around this because it is incredibly interesting to me.
I have also always had a preoccupation with daydreams about people basically in awe of how great I was. I do it till this day like when Im driving and singing and imagining im on stage and everyone I want to love me is just in awe of me....
Ive never admitted that to anyone before, so be nice.

I'm pretty much the same way and make no excuses, I hate most people don't care about their feelings or any thing about them. I fake empathy all the time and then later hate myself for being a fake too. The only time I actually feel any kind of real empathy or love or real emotions is for my children. For every one else it's mostly disgust. I'm truly amazed I can feel for my children. Occasionally I will watch a movie and for a brief moment feel emotional. It scares me. I try to stop those feelings. I guess you could say I am not use to warm or good feelings. But for my children it seems I can make the exception.

I have trouble with empathy at times.

I feel like I do that sometimes, too. But I do agree with s4ndm4n2006 said.

I understand what you mean but this only happens to me when I am in bit** angry mode and I hate everyone. I couldn't care aless (which isn't me at all) so at times, if really required, I would act as though I cared about what ever the person was sad about. I started to feel freakish and cold but realise this is probably not you it's the illness making you feel indifferent. I mean, only you will now what you are like without the illness getting in the way. But yeah, also like S4 said, sometimes we all have to act it out a bit. But I understand what you mean when you have to act it out with everyone! Very exhausting which is why at those times, I stay away from people!

Nice to meet you btw