[allme]

Grrr stupid paranoia! Had a night out with my hubby, brother and his gf. Went to a lovely little Greek restaurant and everything was fine. On the way home, hubby suggests going to see friends. Which I guess was ok except, I had a big fall out with these guys several months back during a complete break down where I txt everyone telling them how rotten they are. Anyway, so I get there, already anxious and then paranoia sets in, I see their faces as hostile and unfriendly (all of which my hubby says is untrue) and then the girl makes a stupid comment about how underage sex can be excusable for the older male if she acts mature. Well this triggered me all over the place (due to my abuser being a grown man when I was 14) and went into one about how wrong and stupid she was. So anyway, I took it as a personal attack and sat there raging. Nobody knew where to look or what to say. I got so paranoid and accused hubby and them of talking about me behind my back and how I thought they all thought I was pathetic and stupid. I knew I shouldn't of gone to their place, it was too much too soon and should have left it after the restaurant. I am sitting here still convinced they were all mocking me and thought I was crass and stupid as well as over opinionated and angry. Maybe I am. To hell with them

[shortandcute]

Sounds like a ruff nite! Im sorry you went thru that, I've had days (and nites) like that.

[IndieVisible]

Well honestly for a girl to make a stupid comment about underage sex being excusable for the guy if she was mature would have even upset me and I'm a guy! I have a daughter too and the thought that some older guy would take advantage of her most definitely would set me off on a rage. Don't be so hard on yourself for expressing your feelings. It was either that or be fake and you chose to be real.

[allme]

Thanks!

Feeling a little low today. Feel bad about my outburst last night, worried what ppl are thinking of me now.....

I have no words of wisdom today, just hugs!

[allme]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I have no words of wisdom today, just hugs!

Aw thank you, need em

[HealingNSuffering]

I'm sorry that you were so paranoid, I know its tough being triggered like this. I judge people's faces to as being angry or hostile a lot of times even when the people I confront about it deny that that is the case. I can also sense negative energy coming off of people even when they don't have any facial expressions and are not yelling.

I think that underage sex can be excusable in some cases (the dude was 18 and his girlfriend 17 or how in USA 16 year old are not aloud to date 15 year old) seems like the trend seems to be women like older men anyways. Even though women live longer in general, seems like they enjoy the experience of being a widow or something.

But old men getting with young girls is obviously sexual molestation, even though in society it tends to be the norm. You see all sorts of 20 somethings going after 50+ year old men, as long as they got money. I say to hell with these friends to, I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies

[allme]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

I'm sorry that you were so paranoid, I know its tough being triggered like this. I judge people's faces to as being angry or hostile a lot of times even when the people I confront about it deny that that is the case. I can also sense negative energy coming off of people even when they don't have any facial expressions and are not yelling.

I think that underage sex can be excusable in some cases (the dude was 18 and his girlfriend 17 or how in USA 16 year old are not aloud to date 15 year old) seems like the trend seems to be women like older men anyways. Even though women live longer in general, seems like they enjoy the experience of being a widow or something.

But old men getting with young girls is obviously sexual molestation, even though in society it tends to be the norm. You see all sorts of 20 somethings going after 50+ year old men, as long as they got money. I say to hell with these friends to, I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies

I must admit, I love an older man myself but not too old lol My hubby is 12 yrs older than me and have been with him since I was 18. Now 32 But even before him, my bf's were older than me. Guess I am looking for a daddy figure....or is that too obvious?

Yes I agree there are some grey areas ...18 going with 16 etc. But I was just 13 cracking on 14 and abuser was 24. He was evil to me but that's a long story....

I used to think I was a good judge of character until my hubby pointed out I read ppl, for the majority of the time, all wrong! We will sometimes come away from somewhere and I will say, why was so and so giving me evils and disapproving looks all night and he wouldn't have a clue and tell me they were actually quite friendly. I used to go mad at him thinking he was on their side but I understand now, he is of course on my side, so trust his opinion. I have confronted ppl about it before to their utter surprise which has left me wondering if they are covering it up sometimes....but no, I am sure it's just me! It can't be everyone else and not me ...right? Right??? lol Jeez I have become so confrontational the past while.....it's like something snapped and instead of letting it rip me up inside I started telling ppl what, I thought, they were doing to me. I have nearly lost good friends over this and fallen out with friends of friends because of it. It's a wonder I have any friends at all. But saying that I do still hold part of me back o maybe that's what's holding my friendships together. I am a great performer when I have to be.....

[Fuzzybear]

Sending gentle hugs
(sorry no words of wisdom)

[allme]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Sending gentle hugs
(sorry no words of wisdom)

Aww thank you

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by allme

I must admit, I love an older man myself but not too old lol My hubby is 12 yrs older than me and have been with him since I was 18. Now 32 But even before him, my bf's were older than me. Guess I am looking for a daddy figure....or is that too obvious?

Haha its cool I wasn't bashing you, I'm just saying society in general younger women go with older men. Which to me is annoying as all hell, personally I can't stand younger women, I like my women at least my age preferably a little older. Because they know what they want and tend to be better communicators, which I believe is essential for a relationship to work is good communication. The only time I ever get women who want anything to do with me they are younger and it never works out because they don't even know what they want. They break up for apparently no reason at all and won't explain why. It was always "interesting" when I dated other borderlines because they would break up with me because they suspect I was going to break up with them and I was never planning anything of the sort. Even if I tried to convince them otherwise they would never believe me.

The daddy figure makes sense, I suspect your relationship to your father wasn't great. I'm not on good terms with my mother or my father, I think neither one of them should've had children. They both need therapy more than I do but are in denial that they have a problem and would rather point fingers at me.

Yes I agree there are some grey areas ...18 going with 16 etc. But I was just 13 cracking on 14 and abuser was 24. He was evil to me but that's a long story...

I agree on the grey areas as well, laws are evil, sorry to hear about the abuse, I've been abused in relationships myself. My worst relationship was with a girl who was 17 when I was 20, we lasted for 3 years and she was a narcissist and a sadistic one at that. Great in bed, horrible for my head, she was so full of herself because she could've been a model or an actress but had "daddy issues" as well, which was creepy because she always would call me daddy. We agreed on a lot of stuff but the rest I just faked it to avoid arguments, I guess the big red flag should've been when she kept wanting me to "prove" my love and affection for her. I seem to attract these type of women like flowers attract bees in the summer. That's why I've been Asexual for awhile now and am not currently seeking romantic relations with anybody because I was so traumatized by her narcissistic abuse. By the end of the relationship we both wanted to kill each other.

I used to think I was a good judge of character until my hubby pointed out I read ppl, for the majority of the time, all wrong! We will sometimes come away from somewhere and I will say, why was so and so giving me evils and disapproving looks all night and he wouldn't have a clue and tell me they were actually quite friendly. I used to go mad at him thinking he was on their side but I understand now, he is of course on my side, so trust his opinion. I have confronted ppl about it before to their utter surprise which has left me wondering if they are covering it up sometimes....but no, I am sure it's just me! It can't be everyone else and not me ...right? Right??? lol Jeez I have become so confrontational the past while.....it's like something snapped and instead of letting it rip me up inside I started telling ppl what, I thought, they were doing to me. I have nearly lost good friends over this and fallen out with friends of friends because of it. It's a wonder I have any friends at all. But saying that I do still hold part of me back o maybe that's what's holding my friendships together. I am a great performer when I have to be.....

Good point, I think more often than not we believe we have a better ability to read people than we actually do. Reading people takes training, I found this online program that asks you what emotion certain people are expressing and shows you different faces in different moods. I kept getting some of them wrong but I practiced more at it and got better. I still need to figure out body language better, because I always pick up on non-verbal cues that its time to fight and my fight or flight response goes off for no reason sometimes. Just because somebody is looking at me I get a burst of adrenalin and lately I've been getting good at getting away. My default response to this feeling used to always be: Fight but that got me into so much trouble I've been working on it for years in therapy. Its the best its ever been lately.

Yesterday I got into an argument with somebody who clearly has OCD and is full of doubt to the point where it irks me. I wanted to yell at him and cause a big scene, which would've been embarrassing to the both of us, not to mention triggering of my inner bully. But instead of going into a rage I bit my lip, slammed a door really hard and phoned a friend who talked me down from my anger. My grandfather always used to say "I'm not crazy its the rest of the world" Back in his day the psychiatrists gave him the label "Paranoid Schizophrenic" and "Battle Fatigue (PTSD)" because he was a veteran of the second world war.