[shortandcute]

We all know what a pain in the donkey BPD can be! But many of us also have other disorders or issues that make it doubly fun! I suffer from MDD, anxiety, and social phobia.

What are things you suffer from and how that does make your life more interesting?

[Trippin2.0]

BPD, BP, OCD, and at one point IED was put on the table, but I slipped out of the system and never got a formal dx.

Its loads of fun actually.
My BP and BPD tend to fuel eachother, either can trigger the OCD, which is at its worse if you sprinkle some psychosis just for shyts n giggles.

And well IED (if that's what it even is), I have been managing well I think, it has been years and I have not sent another person to hospital again! It has to be kept in check because I'm wayyy to pretty for jail! Rage > not allowed.

How does it make my life more interesting?

I'm on life's stage nearly 24/7 appearing appropriate and I don't get paid a cent for my Oscar worthy performances.
I also have to keep finding new ways to channel or express anger lest I land up behind bars.

My brother has "threatened" to lavendarize my room so I can chill the fk out, bf says he's gonna slip a bag of weed into each pillowcase because its smells better

Personally I agree with bf, smelling weed in my pillow is better than lavendar everything

Then every 3 months or so, I have bouts of utter mental and emotional exhaustion from all this acting and all I do is cry and sleep for about 2 weeks. My body feels like I was either hit by a train or filled up with lead. On occassion I have really thought I needed medical assistance but turns out I just need a coma.

Barrel of fun I tell ya!

[allme]

BPD, BP2 with a ? right now, social anxiety as well as general anxiety. Also have elements of avoidance personality....no not much fun! I battle hardest with depression, paranoia and rage. All very ugly especially when bouncing off each and feeding each other.

Makes life very hard. Makes simple things hard to enjoy. Can't relax if out of my home and the day ends up bad if I mix with ppl. Which is why I am mostly at home by myself or with my hubby. I am happiest just at home with my hubby and no other ppl around. Ppl trigger me to no end cause of my low self esteem and paranoia. Also ppl can come out with such stupid things and I find it hard to control myself from telling them how stupid they are.

I go through stages or reclusion and depression which feeds my paranoia and binge eating til the point I throw up. It's like a release throwing up and then I will go for days eating hardly anything until the next binge and throwing up session. I tend to either adore or hate ppl around me and very quickly I can go from adore to hate. I push ppl away but fear being alone, my worst fear is everyone leaving my, dying or moving away. The last thing I want is to be alone but all my actions contradict this. I want them to be there but don't want to see them but feel lonely when I don't. It is all so very screwed up so have lost many friendships along the way and battle with the ones I have. I hate having ppl around me but don't want to be on my own. I hate it. I push and pull them away, give them love and then give them hate, testing their resilience all the time with exposing myself and my past to see how they react and to see if they really are worthy of my time. I am constantly testing my friendships and marriage. All very exhausting. Just can't let them be. The fact is at times, I hate ppl, I push them away, make it hard for them to be around me, but in the midst of it all, all I want is to be loved and cherished.

Paranoid feelings that ppl think I am stupid, worthless, pathetic, ugly, no good piece of s***. If I go out like this or see ppl I am convinced ppl are staring at me and having terrible thoughts of wanting to verbally or physically attack me and also had fears of ppl spitting on me in the street. I tend to stay away from ppl when my paranoia is out of control.

I am very hard on myself for not being good enough in every aspect and I also expect others to live up to my very high expectations. I am hard on myself as well as being hard on them too.

I love to dwell and chew my own head up within a multitude of chaotic thoughts and feelings. It feeds a dark place within which can quickly snow ball out of control leaving me in a frenzy and mental melt down.

I have awful mood swings which can last a couple of hours sometimes at a time. Others for a few days or couple of days or even just a day. It is so unpredictable. I could post about feeling ok but then the next hour feel like crap but don't post again cause I don't want to come across as unstable.

Then I have this drug problem and SI thoughts. Have been clean for a couple of weeks and free from SI thoughts since my depression left me but know they will come back...both the drugs and SI.

I am wreckless with money and spend for the sake of spending. I am in debt by the tune of £40,000 and may have to go bankrupt. Any money is left with my hubby now and he takes control for the most part. But then I go shopping and blow a few hundred to a £1000 easily.

But then I can be high and sparky, full of life, soul of the party full of crack and jokes! Bubbly, cheerful and over the top happy which, I can tell, annoys some ppl. I start obsessing over other men, not all men, but a certain kind of man I could imagine being with. Then I start flirting and have erotic fantasies about said obsession. Which leaves me feeling like dirt because I am married. I mean no harm but passion and lust over takes me....so passionate, and so hard to contain. Then comes my over inflated ego thinking I am the dogs ********. I then think I am better than everyone else and hubby just can't measure up. This is when I become a *****. Or other times I am wired and full of anxiety and mixed feelings of agitation, elevated energy and just generally feeling 'wired'.

Saying all this it's hard to tell who I really am. When feeling stable I am boring. So I hate it at times which is stupid because it's the place I am always fighting to be. Nothing is ever good enough. Not really. Which makes life unrewarding and sometimes pointless to me.

And then there is angry me, full of hate for the world, full of resentment to the ppl in my past, my hubby and friends that I feel just aren't up to the mark and don't care enough. I also get angry with myself for even caring so much. It's like, really, there is no need for all the anger I feel inside and I release it in self destructive ways. Drugs...going into a rage and generally letting ppl know, around me, that they suck as well as me. I blame others for all my problems and hate them for it.

I could go on and on but will stop there.

[shortandcute]

I am a recovering alcoholic--which is loads of fun! I honestly think that my BPD contributed to my alcoholism, but I feel like I have to work a lot harder than others in the program to stay sober. (I'm not sure if that's actually true or not, but it sure feels like it.) My "addictions" have shown up in other ways, like eating issues, sex, heavy smoking--which is common among BPD's.

I also suffer from clinical depression, anxiety, and social phobia--which of course is intensified by you-know-what!

BPD.
Depression
Severe clinical depression
Anxiety

And I forget the "right" terminology - but I have some kind of retardation (not mentally retarded, but "slowed" abilities) due to depression. I have to admit - I laughed when the doctor told me this.... but I am twisted.

[cboxpalace]

BPD, MDD, anxiety, mild ptsd (never officially diagnosed)... The BPD makes the MDD worse.

[IndieVisible]

I really don't give any of my diagnoses that much weight because pdocs change them like the weather any way. Basically I have many of the cluster B traits and a touch of bipolar II. It's simply a roller coaster ride for me. My moods change often. Right now I'm in a great mood, smiling, joking, feeling great! I realize that could change at any moment so I try not to think of that. I also suffer from GAD, which imho is the worse. The Wellbutrin removes most of my depression so that's rarely a issue, for me it's the highs and lows and anger. I do get stuck in deep depression sometimes, usually in the fall or winter, could last for weeks! I honestly don't think pdocs are half as good as we give them credit for. It's all guess work for them.

[MoxieDoxie]

Bulimia,cPTSD and waaaaaaaaa I don't wanna be BPD. Should I get a second opinion?

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Bulimia,cPTSD and waaaaaaaaa I don't wanna be BPD. Should I get a second opinion?

It doesn't matter what they diagnose us as, we still are whatever we are. Does any one here really believe everyone fits neatly in all those boxes they put us in?

but if you like, see 5 pdocs and go with what 4 out of 5 pdocs say

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

It doesn't matter what they diagnose us as, we still are whatever we are. Does any one here really believe everyone fits neatly in all those boxes they put us in?

but if you like, see 5 pdocs and go with what 4 out of 5 pdocs say

I see what you are saying--even doctors (well, some) will tell you that each case is different. I was just commenting because I've noticed that I have all these other issues and just having the whole combo makes life "interesting"--if you know what I mean.

I have PITAD.

[allme]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I have PITAD.

What's PITAD mean?

Pain In The *** Disorder.

[allme]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Pain In The *** Disorder.

LOL! ...