[BarbaraM]

going thru major shock rt now. took some quizes, and i'm amess my dr's barely have an idea what is wrong with me. it's been schizoeffective, schizo paranoid type. and i think they have BPD. so i researchedf it. scary. as much as i hate to admidt it i've been wrong all these yrs about how others are to blame. I still tink they could educate them selves about my condition to better suport me. but first it's like they don't believe me. wish it weren't true, or can pray it away so i'll be normall and not embarres them . I'm on disability, but they call me lazy and a freeloader . i don't want to be mantally ill. nobody trusts u. credibilty shot. and they fear me especially when i'm off my meds. no one is involved in my treatment so how do they know what meds if any work and they took the tough love approch for the longest time. that hurt. when ineeded the most love and support they abandon me again. just like growing up. neglect neglect neglect. i need to learn to not need to rely on anybody, so if i don't getit together and he leaves finnaly this time may be for the best. all he does is provoke me and mauk me, ignore me, and theripy or not if others are not helping but contiuing to punish degrade and avoid me . how can i get better? they wont forgive me for my mistakes, much less for being sick. i'm so scared and fustrated, how do i get them to see?

[allme]

Hello and welcome! It's hard for docs to reach a proper dx. It took them around 10 yrs of seeing me before they dx me correctly (well I hope correctly now) When you say 'they' who all exactly are you referring to? I am sorry you feel you're not getting the understanding you need. I hope you find support here at least.

[BarbaraM]

[QUOTE=allme;3277277]Hello and welcome! It's hard for docs to reach a proper dx. It took them around 10 yrs of seeing me before they dx me correctly (well I hope correctly now) When you say 'they' who all exactly are you referring to? I am sorry you feel you're not getting the understanding you need. I hope you find support here at least

they are mostly my family and friends. then the infamous 'they' who mess with my head, keep me on the edge of my seat for when the day come that they kill me . i had really bad choice in friends and i mixed up with this guy who's baby momma iswell ...affiliated. not only that but this other member of not so nice people started a rumor that i was a snitch. i've investigated this for 16 yrs and i believe this is what i've concluded . i was told many things back then, by people i had no idea who they were but they seem to know me. they warned me to stay away. but they seem to be every where. so i stay home most of the time even though sometimes it seem they have this place wired. check check and double check they do to me. hum...surprise! the computer didn't cut me off and stop me from telling this story. usually does. something is changeing. gotta CSI now to get to the bottom of this.