Ok so I saw this hilarious episode of Big Bang Theory and normaly it's not the most "thought provoking" show in the world... but it's not meant to be so hey..

Anyway the other night Sheldon took to feeding Penny treats of chocolate when she did things that he liked and Leonard was like "i see what you're doing, you're reinforcing good behavior with chocolate..." Well ok so it's quite silly and obviously in the nature of the show it was kind of insulting if you are easily offended but it's all in fun, I have to add that.. but anyway... onto my thought.

There is much to be said about positive reinforcment with people even beyond raising children, if you have them and i have just been thinking about this (related to a post that I just replied to this was brought to mind) Well I am not speaking from terms of having used this on other people but thinking about how it would possibly have affected me in the past and could in the future and maybe would work with our significant others, friends or what not.

Thinking about penny, she was all happy to get a chocolate from Sheldon and while this is obviously a simplistic example of reinforcing behavior I can't help but think about when I've received such positive reinforcment from my wife (now ex) at the time and how it quite possibly made me more apt to perform the same behavior again. The thing that comes to mind is that soemtimes giving positive comments, actions or what not (depending on the language of the target of our actions) goes really far to supporting the things that others do the way we'd like them to. I know that I remember these things very well..

Part of my thinking is relating to people with their important SO, friends and others but part of this is me thinking about how we can do this for ourselves too. We do so much analyzing what we do wrong in life that sometimes what goes right gets lost in the mix. For ourselves we need to take more time noticing what we do right and really notice and somehow make a big deal of things when we do succeed in doing something right.

I know this has been a bit of a ramble but I hope my thoughts help someone

[allme]

Yes I think we could all do with a bit of that. People are so quick to point out and punish us (in their own way) when we have done wrong but rarely do we receive a reward of positive comments when we have done right. I honestly think some people just don't want us to feel good...I think it's their way of feeling better about themselves.

I could do with a little of this at the moment, it seems all that's pointed out to me are the things that are 'wrong' about my personality or the things I do wrong, or at least, perceived wrong by others.

Originally Posted by allme

Yes I think we could all do with a bit of that. People are so quick to point out and punish us (in their own way) when we have done wrong but rarely do we receive a reward of positive comments when we have done right. I honestly think some people just don't want us to feel good...I think it's their way of feeling better about themselves.

I could do with a little of this at the moment, it seems all that's pointed out to me are the things that are 'wrong' about my personality or the things I do wrong, or at least, perceived wrong by others.

Awww well we can only control what we do. That's partially my point. for yourself if you don't get it from others you have to do for yourself and reward yourself, dont' rely on others to do so. 9 x out of 10 they won't.

But for others we should go out of our way when the people we know and love do actually please us, to do something to make them feel over the top special and happy aobut the fact that they made us happy. We (not just bpd people, people in general) all dont' do any of this enough!

[Edda]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Ok so I saw this hilarious episode of Big Bang Theory and normaly it's not the most "thought provoking" show in the world... but it's not meant to be so hey..

Anyway the other night Sheldon took to feeding Penny treats of chocolate when she did things that he liked and Leonard was like "i see what you're doing, you're reinforcing good behavior with chocolate..." Well ok so it's quite silly and obviously in the nature of the show it was kind of insulting if you are easily offended but it's all in fun, I have to add that.. but anyway... onto my thought.

There is much to be said about positive reinforcment with people even beyond raising children, if you have them and i have just been thinking about this (related to a post that I just replied to this was brought to mind) Well I am not speaking from terms of having used this on other people but thinking about how it would possibly have affected me in the past and could in the future and maybe would work with our significant others, friends or what not.

Thinking about penny, she was all happy to get a chocolate from Sheldon and while this is obviously a simplistic example of reinforcing behavior I can't help but think about when I've received such positive reinforcment from my wife (now ex) at the time and how it quite possibly made me more apt to perform the same behavior again. The thing that comes to mind is that soemtimes giving positive comments, actions or what not (depending on the language of the target of our actions) goes really far to supporting the things that others do the way we'd like them to. I know that I remember these things very well..

Part of my thinking is relating to people with their important SO, friends and others but part of this is me thinking about how we can do this for ourselves too. We do so much analyzing what we do wrong in life that sometimes what goes right gets lost in the mix. For ourselves we need to take more time noticing what we do right and really notice and somehow make a big deal of things when we do succeed in doing something right.

I know this has been a bit of a ramble but I hope my thoughts help someone

It does make perfect sense and such conditioning is extremely common in the human world - albeit often unconscious.

Karen Pryor's Don't Shoot the Dog is an excellent work on the subject and it does talk about self-reinforcement as a valid and successful method to improve - well, whatever you may care to improve, really.

As for me, self-reinforcement just doesn't work. I tend to need someone else to do the job for me.

[allme]

Originally Posted by Edda

As for me, self-reinforcement just doesn't work. I tend to need someone else to do the job for me.

Me too....

[dumburn]

Originally Posted by Edda

As for me, self-reinforcement just doesn't work. I tend to need someone else to do the job for me.

I can't speak for anyone else but I wonder if it doesn't work because I really dont like myself very much.
Generally positve comments mean the most coming from people we look up to, respect and admire.
Having NO-ONE in my life who fits that role means on the rare occasion I receive some sort of positve feedback my usual reaction is "yeah right, what the fook would you know arsehole!"

[Edda]

Originally Posted by dumburn

I can't speak for anyone else but I wonder if it doesn't work because I really dont like myself very much.
Generally positve comments mean the most coming from people we look up to, respect and admire.
Having NO-ONE in my life who fits that role means on the rare occasion I receive some sort of positve feedback my usual reaction is "yeah right, what the fook would you know arsehole!"

Well, I can't speak for you either but I doubt that that would be the case. I actually quite like myself.

Originally Posted by dumburn

I can't speak for anyone else but I wonder if it doesn't work because I really dont like myself very much.
Generally positve comments mean the most coming from people we look up to, respect and admire.
Having NO-ONE in my life who fits that role means on the rare occasion I receive some sort of positve feedback my usual reaction is "yeah right, what the fook would you know arsehole!"

well if you notice I did frame my thoughts on this based around friends, loved ones and people important to us. An acquaintence will rarely have enough rapport with us to have any kind of an impact and anyone we dont' have enough respect for their opinions, it's kind of obvious we'll all probably brush it off for the most part.

But in essence you are right. if you don't think much of yourself it's hard to break free from that line of thinking. That's the whole point. No one hates themselves 100% there are always a few things that are at the very least somewhat postiive in our minds. you may have to dig but I'm gonna bet that there is at least a few things. work from that frame of mind and you've got to look for it. You can't passively go through life and expect your behavior, your thinking or anything to just change.

Originally Posted by Edda

Well, I can't speak for you either but I doubt that that would be the case. I actually quite like myself.

well that's good. You're quite likeable

[Edda]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

well that's good. You're quite likeable

You are rather pleasant yourself.