Physical affection?

Morgan.... let me take a shot at this. You can see goodness in most other people. You would pretty much do anything to help another person. Even a complete stranger. Your heart breaks when you see injustice, or pain, or just the crappiness of life happening to others.

BUT - you can not have that same sympathy toward yourself??

Does that sound familiar? That is what my shrinks tell me all the time. So - can I join your club of lowest self esteem in the world?

I don't know I was told by my mum that i have always been prickly. I don't do contact easily. Not to say i wouldn't like it . it's ok with someone I really trust like H but i feel as if my entire being is taken hostage. Also worried that it would have to lead to something more intimate. I am ok with my kids though and pets. I feel wrong to the point of wanting to puke, it feels wrong and then I feel like a freak for thinking that way.I wish I didn't I want to be a warm fuzzy person.

Yes that is me on the nose!!!never looked at it like that , need to think on that one why is that?

@Sheiba - noooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea

I definitely relate to this 100%... I find myself wanting to be touching someone all the time... When I first went into inpatient care for being suicidal, my dance teacher took me to the ER, and stayed with me there through the entire night until I finally got admitted... While we were waiting for them to come talk to me, I was laying in the bed, and she was sitting in the chair across the room... Although I could see her, and she was only a few feet away, I asked her to scoot the chair over next to me so I could lay my head on her shoulder and so she would mess with my hair.. Whenever I talk to her in person or she comes to therapy with me, she always sits really close or puts her arm around me or both, because she knows I need that touch... Every week after class, she knows I want a hug, and although she is awkward about long hugs, she will hold me until I let go... There is was/is absolutely nothing sexual about it, I just like to be held, and she is one of my safe havens...

I also agree with it being physical proof that they haven't left... I once sent her a nasty email because she made me angry, but I knew she hadn't read it yet because she had already been at dance and wouldn't have had the time, and when we went to leave that night, I completely freaked out that she was going to leave and never come back, but just having that physical connection helped to soothe that fear, because if I'm touching her, she can't be gone....

I do this with just about everybody I am close with... But that also means I have run into some problems... Boyfriends think I'm clingy or looking for more, I tend to press boundaries with friends, and I have a really hard find being alone without any physical touch...

Just had to update. I've been really struggling the last few weeks & the only way I'm managing to fall asleep at the moment is if my mum comes and sits with me and strokes my forehead/hair. The only time I'm relaxing is if my mum comes and sits with me and hugs me or my nephew comes and hugs me.

It's almost like I can only truly breathe and relax with that physical contact.

Sorry you're feeling bad I crave physical contact and understand how soothing it is to have it. Hopefully though, you wont 'need' it and I hope you feel better soon

I wish somebody cared that much about me. Sorry you've been struggling. Hope you feel better soon.

I don't know if this would help you any, but as I'm continually being given more and more limits, I've kind of had to find other ways to fill this need. For me, my dance teacher is my comfort person... So since I'm not allowed to see her outside of class time Monday nights, I borrowed her sweatshirt... For me, it's kind of turned into an adult baby blanket... If I need to feel that connection to her, I just snuggle up in it and breathe... Since it's her favorite sweatshirt, it smells very strongly of her, so it's a very comforting scent... While it's nowhere near as good as actually having her there, it definitely helps at least being able to snuggle up with something of hers... I don't know if that's something you'd try, but it may be worth a shot...

I've always been like this...I remember smothering my step mom with hugs as a kid and teen. In adult relationships its been the same except I don't get that near enough. I do crave it and long for it, but I don't go begging for it anymore. Besides giving my husband a hug in the morning and after coming from work at night I don't initiate it. However when I do get touched lovingly of someone else's own accord it is the most amazing experience, like a short high, and I always feel ****** when they stop. It's so weird to see so many of us feeling the same. I wonder if it is the abandonment issue. Maybe when the damage was done in our brains or psyches we were neglected from loving nurturing touch. Who knows. But I'm the same with verbal affirmation as well.

Totally BPD related, in my opinion. I need physical effection a lot. I want cuddles from my partner and I really like hugs from my kids.

I have used up at least 7 hours thinking about this...

and that's a lot!.... in my ideal world it would have been much less..

a borderline man has little squeeze room amongst the females...

I never knew what or why until I was the only male in the female DBT...

anyway back to the reason.....

I was a superb puppy love boy...desperately affectionate and unsexual hypersexual but hopeful anyway....I could not keep my hands off my first love...

I just wanted to be in contact with her....all the time

this was my first discovery of borderline ....but I did not know it yet...

I was so absent of comfort...

I pushed her away by accident and she decided she was gay anyway...

so?.... I went pure male obnoxious or something likewise confused for many years...

I will never recover from loving the wrong girl....

in the meantime I continue to make a fool of myself!

I was unlucky...

I am like tragic reverse borderline ...

I need at least ten feet around me to stay safe

but I am not surprised.... not many people diagnosed with BPD survive past their 30's...

at least knowbody I knew did keep up with me

I just hope sincerely that we as a combined affection can arrange a lengthy life for each of us....

this illness has extreme personal implications for each and one....

love .....DM