[Unikwa]

I was diagnosed BPD over 20 years ago which resulted in my being discharged from the Defence Forces. No support, no follow up just see ya.

Lately I have sensed a growing awareness that things are not right. No I'm not suicidal, just sick of being me. Having found this forum, I put my hubby through the BPD test thingy and found that he scored higher than me. That explains how we have managed to hold this marriage together (more or less, not counting the 3 or 4 times we have separated for a few months here and there) for almost 13 years.

We have a gorgeous almost 10 year old daughter who unfortunately seems not to have escaped the bad genes and is showing signs of mental health issues too. I guess the sometimes toxic environment around her doesn't help (constant house moves, averaging every 6 months of her life, 5 different schools so far, dad losing the plot and yelling/screaming occasionally).

Like most people we don't have the finances to undertake treatment. In Australia, Medicare subsidises psych visits but not psychotherapy or DBT sessions.

My job is mentally boring which leaves me too much time to find small problems and create mountains out of them. Won't be much longer and I will either walk or get told to leave. And yes I have looked for other employment but 1) there is nothing out there and 2) it will just happen again.

After a near miss with a bus the other night - which left both my daughter and I with minor whiplash - I realised that my "outlet" at the moment is dangerous driving. Thankfully I am now aware of that and will make a conscious effort to slow down and take more care.

So none of this makes sense but at least this is a place I can write down my ramblings and not be judged...

[allme]

It's all far from easy....I hope at least here you find some comfort

[unlived]

Have u tried your community mental health centre? A lot of them offer free dbt groups. Psychotherapy isn't free but there are places you can get free counselling - like women's health centres and community centres (not mental health centres)