If you're currently in a relationship, would you describe it as healthy? If not, would you describe your most recent relationship as healthy? If not, why?
I'd say my current relationship is way more healthy than my marriage was, but there are some pretty serious issues that need working through. There have been times when I would have left, accept that he threatened to use my past and physical disability to gain custody of our daughter. Needless to say that made me throw the whole leaving him idea out the window cuz I'll be damned if I will have either of my kids taken away from me. He has also gotten physical with me a few times (as in grabbing and pushing, not as in punching or beating). Although in his defence my BPD doesn't make me the easiest person to live with, especially since I'm not currently on any medication due to the fact that I'm breastfeeding. and I learned verbally/emotionally behavior from my ex-husband.
Him and I are trying hard to work on the problems in our relationship. He's loving, patient, and great with the kids. Basicly everything my ex-husband and other ex's are not. I know our relationship isn't 100% healthy, but I'm not sure that such a thing is possible for me because of the BPD.

[sheiba]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

If you're currently in a relationship, would you describe it as healthy? If not, would you describe your most recent relationship as healthy? If not, why?
I'd say my current relationship is way more healthy than my marriage was, but there are some pretty serious issues that need working through. There have been times when I would have left, accept that he threatened to use my past and physical disability to gain custody of our daughter. Needless to say that made me throw the whole leaving him idea out the window cuz I'll be damned if I will have either of my kids taken away from me. He has also gotten physical with me a few times (as in grabbing and pushing, not as in punching or beating). Although in his defence my BPD doesn't make me the easiest person to live with, especially since I'm not currently on any medication due to the fact that I'm breastfeeding. and I learned verbally/emotionally behavior from my ex-husband.
Him and I are trying hard to work on the problems in our relationship. He's loving, patient, and great with the kids. Basicly everything my ex-husband and other ex's are not. I know our relationship isn't 100% healthy, but I'm not sure that such a thing is possible for me because of the BPD.

It may help if you go together as a couple to your T or he goes on his own it may help him to understand why you react and have the feelings you do it sounds like you care for one another and every relationship has problems... good luck

Originally Posted by sheiba

It may help if you go together as a couple to your T or he goes on his own it may help him to understand why you react and have the feelings you do it sounds like you care for one another and every relationship has problems... good luck

Thank you.
I agree that he should go back to counseling, and he's back on meds so that helps too,. He says if I get him a copy of the DBT handbook he will read it.

[allme]

None of my previous relationships have been healthy....one was down to an extremely abusive older man and the others have been because of me. I don't think I should be in a relationship, I torture my husband who I have been with for 14 years. It would be healthy if I was healthy mentally but I am far from it and abuse my husband to no end in sight. I sometimes wish he would leave me and go live a happy life with someone who deserves him. I am a monster.

Sorry you have problems of your own

[atomicc]

This relationship is by far my most healthy. My previous boyfriends were emotionally abusive. I have hurt my current boyfriend and he has hurt me. We have been spiteful and lied and cheated. I am past that now and hope he is too. In terms of healthy, if he is still lying and hurting me...I would stay. I don't believe I deserve much more. I love him and he puts up with my emotional instability..that's worth a lot.

Originally Posted by atomicc

This relationship is by far my most healthy. My previous boyfriends were emotionally abusive. I have hurt my current boyfriend and he has hurt me. We have been spiteful and lied and cheated. I am past that now and hope he is too. In terms of healthy, if he is still lying and hurting me...I would stay. I don't believe I deserve much more. I love him and he puts up with my emotional instability..that's worth a lot.

I understand how oyu feel in regards to that you feel like you don't deserve much better. I know a lot of men would run screaming from me because of my BPD.
Everyone is different, I can't tolerate cheating. but I've tolerated him pushing, grabbing, and slapping me cuz I figure who else is really gonna care about and be able to put up with me?
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? and how long ago were you Dx. Also, how long have you been in this relationship

Originally Posted by allme

None of my previous relationships have been healthy....one was down to an extremely abusive older man and the others have been because of me. I don't think I should be in a relationship, I torture my husband who I have been with for 14 years. It would be healthy if I was healthy mentally but I am far from it and abuse my husband to no end in sight. I sometimes wish he would leave me and go live a happy life with someone who deserves him. I am a monster.

Sorry you have problems of your own

You're not a monster, simply someone who struggles with a really difacult mental illness. I know it's hard to remember that, but I'm telling you it's true.
I can also promise you there's something amazing about you that your husband loves, or he'd have been out long ago. NO one is holding a gun to his head. He knows it's difacult sometimes, but he must feel it's worth it.
*Hugs*

[technigal]

I think that my husband and I are trying to make our relationship healthy. We do have some issues but they are things we are working on together. We do love and trust one another. We have been together 12.5 years and try to be supportive of each other.

Originally Posted by technigal

I think that my husband and I are trying to make our relationship healthy. We do have some issues but they are things we are working on together. We do love and trust one another. We have been together 12.5 years and try to be supportive of each other.

I think it's awesome that you and your husband are still going strong, despite the fact that you seem to have the mother in law from hell.