[BethEff]

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first proper post- so please tell me if I'm doing it wrong! I was diagnosed with borderline about a year ago, and when researching it, I found that one of the main symptoms is fairly rapid mood swings. I can certainly identify with that. I'm posting here to see if anyone can relate to how I feel when I find myself going through rapid mood changes, and end up in a very strange hyper, agitated, yet depressed state. My mood can go from horribly depressed, low energy, almost numb, to feeling still depressed, yet high in energy, frustrated, very agitated... The only way I can describe it really, is like I feel as though I'm going to explode. I get this uncomfortable churning feeling in my chest, and an almost overwhelming urge to scream and break things. (Sounds ridiculous, I know! Almost like a child having a tantrum!) it doesn't seem to resemble a 'manic' type episode (No feelings of increased confidence, euphoria etc) and I find it just as horrible as the depression. I was just wondering if anyone else experiences mood swings like this? Or if I'm just weird thanks for reading!
Beth x

[duende]

Hi Beth. What you've described is most definitely something I personally can relate to. Sometimes within the same hour, I'll go from feeling so low and like I just don't want to move, to feeling irritable, not wanting to feel the slightest bit of anyone's breath on or near me. And still, some moments that that same irritablity makes me more susceptible to escalation. I'll have moments where I feel this internal (I don't know how else to describe it, but) rage. The rage - heart rate goes up, I feel hot, pressure goes to my neck and head, eyes sting like they want to tear or pop out. Oh, it's a feeling that's so hard to not judge myself over. And no, even if my energy level changes within a short period, I don't experience any sort of euphoria. I hope I didn't say too much. Mostly just want to say that I can relate to the kind of rapid mood changes that you're talking about. So, you are definitely not alone.

Thanks for posting. Please feel free to PM if you want to talk as well. And, welcome

[sunviper]

I have some of the same characteristics. Panic attacks, mood swings, depression, nightmares, hypervigilance, anxiety and have problems leaving my house. I was diagnosed with Combat PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.) Caused by being in the army for 16 1/2 years and combat in Iraq. I was a inpatient for 72 days at the National Center For Combat PTSD, in Menlo Park, CA.

I ended up with a Bronze Star Medal for Killing people, 100% disabled, and 100% service connected through the V.A. plus 100% disabled through Social Security. I'm not saying that yours is caused by PTSD but there are many things that can cause it. It can be caused by many different things not just what I went through. Before I went for help I tried self medicating such as drinking and drugs. I stopped doing all the things I use to do like camping, fishing, swimming, hiking and everything I enjoyed. My wife saw a huge change in me. I could not go to a store or mall or anyplace there were people, I felt like a target. I trust no one unless they had been in the military. All I really want to say if you are having any of these kinds of troubles or the ones you wrote about, it is a good idea to talk to your Doctor. All that can happen is make things better. And just pills are not the answer there are a lot of good and caring professionals out there.

[technigal]

I certainly feel like this. At my therapist appointment yesterday she describes it as the emotion come like flicking a light switch but we don't know how to switch the light off. When she said that I really understood for the first time. It was suggested that I have BPD 6.5 years ago but diagnosed in September.

[hawaii04]

Hello Beth and welcome ~ surely you will find some comfort here

If you are weird then so am I! These mood swings can be so debilitating and controlling within ourselves as I have found. For me, the primary source of 'handicap' with BPD are the rages. I scare myself with the self-anger I cannot seem to maintain under control . . . .toward my loved ones and even my dog. They come from virtually nowhere and for no apparent reason (although I can always blame something/one). A small little thought of something that isn't quite RIGHT becomes enormous, that is enough for me and I'm on my way to a full blown rage. As has been described . . . with no 'off switch' ~ only its own duration. I hate feeling the inability to get a grip. My Dr. says get a baseball bat and go hit the ground outside with it, not a bad idea for some, but as I told her I'd be lucky to stick to hitting the ground so that scares me. Also, when I'm in a rage, nothing makes sense or sounds rational, so getting to the baseball bat . . . unlikely. Well before my diagnosis my boyfriend used to tell me I act like a spoiled little brat . . . . . . and he isn't one to say things like that, but it had taken its toll. He understands better now and tries hard to work with me.

I can relate as well, although for me the rages, anxiety, depression all can happen so strongly I feel like my skin is vibrating. I'll go to tears for seeing a picture that reminds me of a difficult situation in my life...I can be driving down the road thinking of something that annoyed me two days, two minutes, or two years ago and just start boiling under the skin with remembered rage. I used to think this was a good thing, because I was 'working through' my anger. That was a load...I was just priming myself for the next fury, or equally possible, the drop down to desolationville.
Now I just try to accept what happens (very very difficult) and tell myeslf often, it's not the situation, its my reaction that I must learn to control.

example: found a note on my door that the management comp were doing their annual safety checks....keep the dogs in a crate etc. I went to pieces. I don't HAVE a crate, my dog is scared of his shadow, I cant' stay home to prevent him from going out and on and on and on.....finally calmed down enough to call my son who agreed to house sit. I'm still angry about it (they were just there last week checking the smoke alarms...couldn't they do the check then???) but I can't do anything about it and ruminating isn't healthy or positive for me or anyone around me.

It's common with us...just hang in there

[Morgansangel]

I totally know what you mean.

My heart rate goes up I feel like my head is going to explode, I can hear and feel my pulse everywhere, my vision goes wonky, I usually see almost like shapes, my breathing goes shallow, and I just go really tense. Often when I've climbed down from that state I feel like it wasn't really me & I'm not really sure what I've said or typed so have to check up.

I'm starting to notice the signs & try to take myself out of situations before I get to that point now but only sometimes manage it.

As for the rapid changing moods, if I was paid even a few pence every time someone said to me 'but you were fine a minute ago' I'd be able to pay off third world debt by now!!

And the irritability someone mentioned (I can't remember who, sorry :/) gawd I hate it when that hits, it's so hard to explain why you're flinching in pain at the phone ringing, or want to punch someone because all you can hear is their eating like it's the loudest thing in the world, or even how the touch of something simple like a cup or a cushion just makes your skin crawl.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Morgansangel

I totally know what you mean.

My heart rate goes up I feel like my head is going to explode, I can hear and feel my pulse everywhere, my vision goes wonky, I usually see almost like shapes, my breathing goes shallow, and I just go really tense. Often when I've climbed down from that state I feel like it wasn't really me & I'm not really sure what I've said or typed so have to check up.

I'm starting to notice the signs & try to take myself out of situations before I get to that point now but only sometimes manage it.

As for the rapid changing moods, if I was paid even a few pence every time someone said to me 'but you were fine a minute ago' I'd be able to pay off third world debt by now!!

And the irritability someone mentioned (I can't remember who, sorry :/) gawd I hate it when that hits, it's so hard to explain why you're flinching in pain at the phone ringing, or want to punch someone because all you can hear is their eating like it's the loudest thing in the world, or even how the touch of something simple like a cup or a cushion just makes your skin crawl.

This! And my son tend to make noises that he is unaware of (he has Asperger's) , drives me batty!

[Truth in Ruin]

Hi Beth, it's my first post too. I didn't read all of the posts on here, but I read yours. You're not weird, what you're feeling is apart of BPD. The good news is that you're on this message board seeking help, and I'm proud of you for doing it.