[allme]

I am now waking up feeling depressed. I am having nightmares which isn't helping either. I am so so tired and can't stop feeling tired even after 10 hours sleep. I could eat for an army too which I am struggling to keep under control. I feel so hopeless and out of control. Everything feels 'bad' around me and can't see any good in anything. I am now starting arguments with my husband...I really don't mean to but I am so sensitive and paranoid right now everything he says is like a personal attack on me.

I feel like I can't do this again, not again pls no! I am at my end and have somewhat given up. I just think, 'what's the point in it all?'. What really do I have good in my life? I am destroying myself and destroying my husband. I really would be better off dead and it would save my husband 20 or 30 years worth of more pain and suffering at my evil hands.

All I want to do is stay in bed I'm such a ball of misery, pain, anxiety, paranoia, anger and it's weighing heavy on my heart. I just wish I could shake this off and every day I tell myself tomorrow will be better, but it isn't, it just isn't.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( allme ))))))))
I relate so much to the anxiety, pain and paranoia and waking up depressed... Hoping the next day will be better (but it isn't)

I know the feelings are so convincing sometimes, of being "evil" (I wonder who said that about you ) but I don't believe that you're evil at all. You're so helpful and supportive on here (and having bpd doesn't make you evil, it means the ...NHS should.... (edited )

[technigal]

Originally Posted by allme

I am now waking up feeling depressed. I am having nightmares which isn't helping either. I am so so tired and can't stop feeling tired even after 10 hours sleep. I could eat for an army too which I am struggling to keep under control. I feel so hopeless and out of control. Everything feels 'bad' around me and can't see any good in anything. I am now starting arguments with my husband...I really don't mean to but I am so sensitive and paranoid right now everything he says is like a personal attack on me.

I feel like I can't do this again, not again pls no! I am at my end and have somewhat given up. I just think, 'what's the point in it all?'. What really do I have good in my life? I am destroying myself and destroying my husband. I really would be better off dead and it would save my husband 20 or 30 years worth of more pain and suffering at my evil hands.

All I want to do is stay in bed I'm such a ball of misery, pain, anxiety, paranoia, anger and it's weighing heavy on my heart. I just wish I could shake this off and every day I tell myself tomorrow will be better, but it isn't, it just isn't.

I can so relate to the stuff I highlighted. I really wonder why my husband stays with me. I have begged him to divorce me but he won't. I feel I am not a good wife or mother, hubby says differently but I know that I screw up so often. I feel like all I do is fight with my husband and get on my son's case. I am hating myself right now.

Wish I had something supportive to say. Hugs to you! (((((((((Allme)))))))))

[hawaii04]

allme~
I too can relate . . . . I am paranoid and scared and that involves afraid to go to bed at night for fear that my morning will bring misery and that my day ahead, only grief. Waking up depressed is no fun.
I have one of the greatest boyfriends anyone could have; so much of the time I feel he's so much more than I deserve. In between my few good moments, I treat him so BAD, yet he refuses to leave me. Sometimes, though I don't want him to leave, it seems it makes me angrier with myself because I cannot seem to give him what I know he needs/deserves, yet he's so supportive and willing to want to help and so loving. For every lil' good thing I do, for him, for us, for me, I try to absorb some personal worth from it. It's existence may be short-lived but it nourishes the soul ~ then I move on to the next small feel better goal. If it doesn't happen, that's ok ...there's always next time when we are more able to make it happen. In the meantime, we must not set ourselves up for what is failure in our eyes

Originally Posted by allme

I am now waking up feeling depressed. I am having nightmares which isn't helping either. I am so so tired and can't stop feeling tired even after 10 hours sleep. I could eat for an army too which I am struggling to keep under control. I feel so hopeless and out of control. Everything feels 'bad' around me and can't see any good in anything. I am now starting arguments with my husband...I really don't mean to but I am so sensitive and paranoid right now everything he says is like a personal attack on me.

I feel like I can't do this again, not again pls no! I am at my end and have somewhat given up. I just think, 'what's the point in it all?'. What really do I have good in my life? I am destroying myself and destroying my husband. I really would be better off dead and it would save my husband 20 or 30 years worth of more pain and suffering at my evil hands.

All I want to do is stay in bed I'm such a ball of misery, pain, anxiety, paranoia, anger and it's weighing heavy on my heart. I just wish I could shake this off and every day I tell myselfbet tomorrow will be better, but it isn't, it just isn't.

All of these apply to me for the last several months. I wish I had comfort words as well, but all I can say is I feel for you and your hurt

[Zabine]

I am experiening this with you.....

[Beyond The Pale]

I start arguments with my wife a lot too. Even though she knows I don't mean too, she takes it personally. It's hard to believe that we all deserve happiness.

[learningtolive2013]

I'm right there with you.. I have a glimmer of hope with my pdoc I see today.. We have to live and survive for those next glimmer of hope moments that one day we will find that peace we seek. I know it's hard to see any hope though "I know it all too well".. Refuse to give up despite the odds, that is our strength.. ((((hugs))))