Decidedly undecided

I am always so uncertain about things in my mind and I find it near impossible in making decisions; this indecisiveness holds me back from 'doing' and from 'being.' I have always been this way somewhat, although when I was younger adult it was easier just to be more impulsive and do whatever anyway without much regard for natural consequences, and with little thought. Perhaps it has been derived from being young with a parent who always TOLD me and didn't give me choices and I never learned how. Little things are one thing, though I can and do drive myself crazy with that . . . bigger decisions/ideas often seem excruciating. Right now I don't feel much interest in anything and most things seem like a chore, although I have always been an active person, a doer and a goer. This makes me feel helpless and boring!!! I'm not sure if it's my meds or BPD, both, or am I just wired this way? Seems my mind is cluttered with the what I should do's in one department and in the other, a bad case of the fooey-on-its and I am like this with everything!

I go through this all the time. For me I seem to swing from one decision to the exact opposite one and because my brain is swinging so rapidly, I end up stuck. Big decisions are the worst, I always want someone to decide it for me because I get so much anxious about them. I usually do whatever is suggested even if it's not the best choice. Not even sure why I do that either.

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