[ScarletPimpernel]

I have finally been diagnosed with BPD (even though my therapist prefers to call it "Borderline Traits"). My mental health problems started all the way back when I was a pre-teen and it took doctors 18 years to officially give me the diagnosis. I also suffer from Atypical Major Depression, Insomnia, and Anxiety. My current medications are Fluxetine (60mg), Lamotrigine (slowly increasing the dose to 100mg), Zolpidem for sleep, and Lorazepam for anxiety.

My main issues are fears (abandonment, rejection, any type of loss, being judged, or people being mad/irritated with me), I constantly "punish" myself, I suffer from "face blindness", I over analyze everything, sensitive to any form of criticism, and I am constantly idealizing/devaluing people. I was a "cutter", but I have been able to stop for the last 5 weeks.

I'm here because my therapist told me to meet people like myself, and I usually comply with what she asks of me. But to be honest, people scare me. I basically spent the last 6 years of my life in isolation and have only sought help again these last 3 months.

The most difficult thing for me to deal with right now is that my psychiatrist has basically told me that medication wont work for me and my insurance has the ability to cancel my therapy sessions basically every 8 weeks. So I feel like even though I really want to get better, the system is working against me

Well, I just wanted to say "hi" and introduce myself. Maybe I'll figure out what my therapist wanted me to gain from this...if not, I truly wish the best for all of you

[Over and Again]

Hi Scarlet. Welcome! I'm pretty scared of people too and it sucks because I'm so lonely a lot of the time. It's good you have a therapist, it's so important to have a professional to speak with. I hope the insurance issues work out. I know that this forum helps me very much. I hope you find it to be helpful as well! Lots of love ❤️

[hawaii04]

Hello Scarlet and Welcome! I'm not sure who scares me more, myself or other people. Here there are many who can relate with what some of your issues are, I know I sure can. It seems you've made great progress with the cutting; that is huge and I hope you are proud of that much and don't let the other things stand in the way of that. Medications don't work for everyone (I question mine and have tried a few) but always give them enough time to be certain. It is helpful to keep talking and sharing and receiving feedback familiar to what you experience ~ it is quite the safe haven here. Try not to be to concerned about the 'what if's' as maybe not being covered by insurance and continue to see your T as much as you can. It will work out. I wish the best for you also and I hope you stick around.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Welcome! I understand that fear but hope you feel welcome here.

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[technigal]

Originally Posted by hawaii04

Hello Scarlet and Welcome! I'm not sure who scares me more, myself or other people. Here there are many who can relate with what some of your issues are, I know I sure can. It seems you've made great progress with the cutting; that is huge and I hope you are proud of that much and don't let the other things stand in the way of that. Medications don't work for everyone (I question mine and have tried a few) but always give them enough time to be certain. It is helpful to keep talking and sharing and receiving feedback familiar to what you experience ~ it is quite the safe haven here. Try not to be to concerned about the 'what if's' as maybe not being covered by insurance and continue to see your T as much as you can. It will work out. I wish the best for you also and I hope you stick around.

I find that since being referred here the support I have been given has really helped me. I am not in the place I was 7 weeks ago when I OD'd. The people on here have given me hope and support. There are no meds for BPD, just for some of the symptoms as you know. DBT is supposed to be the best thing. While I waiting for my DBT to start I am using the DBT skills workbook on my own.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Thank you for the welcomes and the kind words.

I have actually learned a lot from viewing this site for only a day:

1. Comparing myself to the people who are in my life isn't helpful to me. They have different strengths and weakness than me and are at a different place in their life compared to me.
2. Learning/listening to others who are similar to me actually is encouraging to me (I was told in the past to never socialize with people with BPD probably because they didn't ever want me to realize I had BPD)
3. Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future isn't helpful. I need to focus on the present and appreciate what I do have atm.
4. I'm not the only one who despises phones! (and many other little quirks)

And I do know that therapy is really the only way to improve with BPD. My T uses CBT, and I figure that's good enough for now since DBT is based on CBT. I also understand that meds can really only help with certain symptoms. But meds wont really help me with the BPD or Atypical Depression since they are both mostly based on reactivity

Thank you again, and I will definitely stick around for awhile.

[atomicc]

Hello and welcome to PC I'm sorry that you are struggling. I don't generally like to be around people either, it usually upsets me. I hope you can find comfort and support here, we're all very friendly and care for each other.

[Neweesmea88]

I'm new here too. Also feeling screwed by the system. It's such a viciou cycle, you try and get better whilst constantly being kicked while you're down. Hope you find some support!