[BlueInanna]

Very emotional day yesterday. I'm trying to pull out of a bp depression, got pneumonia last week, barely able to work & take care of the 3 kids.

It was my middle sons 18th bday yesterday. I managed to run around with my daughter getting him some presents, going laundrymat, groceries for special dinner & cake.

Finally we were all at the table. This is the first time since I can't remember that I had all my 3 kids at dinner table with me. (That breaks my heart - family dinners are important & I grew up with that every night but have not been able to do it for my kids - now I'm crying again).

The older 2 are teens & have been more than a handful. They never let me take their picture & that breaks my heart too. So I actually had all 3 there & said please let me take a pic of you guys - they reluctantly leaned in & wouldn't smile (except the 11 yr old in the middle of pic, he's a ham & loves to pose).

So I tried to make them smile for the pic, the teens made blah faces, so I tried to be funny and said things from Austin Powers like, "yeah baby, smile for the camera!" I got 3 awkward pics & then a lecture ripping me a new one from the teens, don't ever put us on Facebook, it would be better if you just ask for the picture and not say cheesey stuff to try to make people smile... It went on for a few minutes and I started to tear up. I just couldn't take the criticism.

They brought up the past criticizing my parenting. So I tried to keep calm and said what last T recommended, "Well you guys haven't exactly been the easiest kids to raise.." They both stopped. They said they were just joking and it was all ok and that they will take a picture if I ask and promise not to put it on FB.

I don't know why it's all so upsetting to me. I don't know if that T's advice was a kind thing to say. It is true, they've been difficult but I've always taken the blame because I chose their father who abandoned us & I worked long hours & they felt neglected by me and got into trouble & drugs at young ages.

I think the fact that he turned 18, it's a milestone year, has me really reflecting on past failures. The past hospitalizations & trauma. I didnt do my job of mothering correctly enough because he is not ready to be an adult. And I don't know how to stop crying & I don't know how to get better. And now I have not been to my office in close to 6 weeks, I could lose my job. Everything is falling down on me and I can't see a way out.

That was longer than I meant. Thanks for listening.

[yellowfrog268]

Teens can be so difficult to deal with at times. It seems that the sarcasm monster raises it's ugly head whenever we try to get them to do what they don't want to do.

On the positive side, they did somewhat apologize when they realized the effect their words had on you which means they recognized their hurtfulness.

No one can ever claim to have been a perfect mother. We are people who have needs and sometimes our children forget that. It's like they fail to see us as a person, to them we are just mom.

As for your eldest son, I don't know too many 18 year olds that are ready to be on their own right at their 18th birthday. He didn't magically mature overnight from age 17 to age 18. Is he going to college or to pursue job training? Does he have his eye on the future? If he does, then you have accomplished something. As for maturity, well, how many 18 year olds do you know who act like adults. I'm sure there are some out there but they are few and far inbetween.

Do you take meds? Do you think it may be time to see the pdoc or therapist?

[Angel of Bedlam]

You did the best you could with what you had at the time.

You handled the situation as best as you could, and remember- just because they say it doesn't make it true.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Blue,

Now I'm cryingMy heart just breaks for you. It's so hard to raise kids on your own. I know. Been there and done that. It took my oldest until she was about 30 for us to really have a relationship. I know that seems a long time to wait. We all just do the best we can. I think you did just right telling your kids what you did, and it would seem you hit a nerve with them as well. Keep working in T and I am praying for you.

[yellowfrog268]

With the exceptions of abuse or neglect, parents do the best they can. Sometimes our children fail to realize that.

[BlueInanna]

Thank you for not judging me. I feel like such a wimp & failure right now. it helps to know you guys understand.

Yellowfrog - I keep on quitting the meds but go back on when stuck in a deep depression. I've been back on lamictal about 4 weeks & started feeling better already, saw pdoc last week. I do hope someday I can manage off the med for good. my son, he has no plans for the future. I don't know how to get him off the pot, it's not helping. He would probably benefit from a little meds, but he refuses. He loves me he hates me. He wants me to leave him alone, he gets mad when I leave the house. I'm living in a crazy house. The 2 teens & I have mental health issues, I don't know how my 11 year old is so cheery and just rolls with it. But I'm grateful that he is ok! I don't know what we'll do it all feels such a mess right now. It is a mess.

GG I'm sorry I made you cry too!! I do feel so disconnected from him, like how could we ever repair our relationship. I will gladly take the hugs & prayers thank you!