[Jordy]

I've been seeing my T which is also my Pdoc for two years now and we've been doing a modified version of DBT as she didn't have enough clients for a regular skills group. I really like her and made a lot of progress.
A couple weeks ago she started a skills group and I've been attending it in spite of being really nervous about it. At the moment we're still at an introductory level, and she told us that next week we'd use on of her horses as an example on how BPD can be partly inherited and partly due to environmental factors. I was really excited about this as I'm really into horses, even studied equine science at university.
I've been thinking about what her horse could have, and the most likely possibility is stereotypic behaviour, as it is relatively common and I could see the relationship to BPD. Now what I don't understand is why did I spent last night looking up research papers on the subject, only to prove her wrong, whatever she says about this.
I really went into "war-mode" and updated my knowledge on the subject to make sure I could win any argument. I just don't understand this, I've never really argued with her or had issues, but this time I feel like I'll lose controll and will verbally attack her...

[IndieVisible]

My friend it's not about winning arguments. It's about learning and coping. I love group therapy as it gives me a window in to how other people think and live. I could care less about who's right or wrong. We are all wrong, that's why we are in therapy

[Jordy]

I would agree with you in most cases... but here I can't. There is such a great miscpnception around stereotypic behaviour in horses that it always hurts me when they called stupid, idiots and so on. They have this behaviour because they need it to cope with the stress in their life... So kind of what I do when I harm myself in any way.
I just realized I was looking for ways to prove that this behaviour is not harmful to horses, and that they are ok doing it. Maybe as a way to justify my own behaviours... don't really know, only that it really struck a cord...

[Truth in Ruin]

I'd say that you felt personally attacked by this, so now you're doing things to defend yourself. It's common to do this. Someone can say something in a way that rubs you the wrong way, so you then take it in-word as a personal attack. Try not to take it personal, because I'm sure it wasn't intended that way.

Agree with Truth in Ruin here. I don't know why but it seems like it. Here is something to think about. you haven't even been to the group that you speak of. every argument you've made is based on the assumptions that you know how she's going to utilize the target subject - Horses. you can't know that. you can make an educated guess only. I don't know if it is or not. TBH I have all kinds of wonder as to how bpd can be related to horses in the first place.

Truth is you are over thinking it and becoming offended by something someone has said IN YOUR MIND. I know this becuase i've done it and worked myself into a frenzy and in the end even though it's nothing like what really happened, the anger is there and it ruins any chance of any good coming of it.

You just don't know how she's going to use it so toss all of your presumptuous thinking out if you can. Not saying it's easy but you should.

[Jordy]

I can try and explain you the link I see between horses and BPD: some horses are more stressed then others when being stabled or isolated for example, over time they develop stereotypic behaviour. This is a repetitive movement with no apparent function but which releases endorphins and thus helps the horse cope with the stress. Problem is it can have long term damaging effects on the horse's health. To be honest I've always compared it to a milder form of SI.

Now that I'm witing this I realize that when ever at the stables people talked about this they would call the horse names go as far as saying he's crazy. I've always felt attacked when people said that around me, thinking that if they knew what I did they'd say the same about me.

And you're right, she may not use this as an example, but it seems so fitting to me that I assumed she would.