I REALLY need to get this off my chest. Not sure if this belongs in BPD forum or not.

UPDATE!
So my friend talked to him. He said he didn't want anyone else involved and he wants things to go naturally wherever they go. Not sure if he read it or not though. I'll know tomorrow. It honestly seems kinda promising though, he doesn't sound like he COMPLETELY hates me now. So maybe he read it. The fact that there is a chance he read it, and the fact he is acting civilly is so amazing to me. I'm so happy. Him to not hate me with a burning fury the rest of his life is all I really want. And I don't think anyone could understand how much better I've been feeling since I got this bottled up thing off my chest. Honestly, I haven't felt impulsive, I haven't felt the deep depression I'm used to, I don't feel completely hopeless right now. I feel like this whole thing has been weighing me down for 8 months and I feel so free and life seems promising now. It was such a HUGE factor in my depression. I can't believe just writing it down could be so beneficial. And thank you all so much for suggesting I send it. My friends all read it and were very moved by it and they think it something he needed to know. If this puts me and him on civil levels and I can see my friends again that would be so amazing. So I'll post when I know if he read it or not. Or if I get a response (really not counting on it, if anything he MIGHT say something to my friends and they might tell me). Good night everyone.