[SaraSkyblue]

This is going to be long. Just a warning. I want to talk about this person. I'm going to put a LOT of detail in. I REALLLLLY want to talk to SOMEONE about this....but I have no one. So I'm posting here.

I feel like (now that I've finished writing and I'm back up here) this is kind of a story on my BPD development.

I met him in May of 2010. I liked them right then, the second I saw them walk down the stairs into the cafeteria. Yes, I was just finishing my Sophomore year of high school. He was a Senior. He was homecoming candidate, on the football team, so smart, basically I had no chance. I sat alone in class and had little to no friends. We talked sometimes, not very often. I would wait for him by the doors when school started and walk with him to class (then RUN to mine so I wasn't tardy), and I would fight all the other girls who liked him for a chair by him at lunch. I would ask him for hugs sometimes and one time in the last week of school I hugged him and when I let go he didn't and said to everyone "she won't let go" in a teasing way. It was so embarrassing yet made me so happy at the same time.

When graduation came for him I figured we would never speak again, I lived in the middle of nowhere in the country, I was still in school, we only hung out at school, and we never really talked much outside of school. I was texting him about it, and when he texted me where about he lived my heart JUMPED. He had been one of my closest neighbors for most of my life!! We started talking more. Not too long into the summer we hung out outside of school for the first time. He had gone to our county's tiny little township hall with his family and I BEGGED my mom to take me for hours before she did. We spent like an hour there before my mom wanted me to go home, she walked up to him and asked if he would take me home later and he said yes ^_^ I was soo happy she didn't take me home. Me and him walked up and down the dirt road for hours, talking about everything and anything. If I hadn't already, I completely fell head over heels in love with this boy.

We began to hang out almost every single day. He would drive his red 1978 Ford truck to my house sometime in the evening and we would walk up and down my dirt road for sometimes up to 6 or 8 hours just talking. I had never been so close to someone. Our goodbyes always took so long, sometimes hours themselves. We would just hug, literally for like an hour at a time. I was so shy around him. I would hide my face in his chest when he looked at me. I tried to not be shy, I wanted to be his girlfriend so badly, or to even just kiss him. Sometimes he would ask me if he could kiss me, and I would just bury my face into his chest.

I lived on a Poultry Farm with my mom at this time, I had JUST turned 17 that June. One of the many animals we had were Emus. They had a baby that we just loved. We would take her with us on our walks. He named her Chloe. We loved that bird so much, one of us was always holding it. And Emus make the CUTEST sound when they are babies, like a coo. Google it if you want. Me and him would mimic this sound at the bird or each other. It became our "thing" and stayed with us even after we had to get rid of the baby bird.

Keep in mind, so far it's only been like 2 months. WOW. So one day I find out I'll be moving in with my brother in Las Vegas, NV (I lived in MN so far). I felt so sad to have to leave him. I tried to spend as much time as I could with him before I left. Then came an awful day where we went to the movies he was texting his friend and he told me his friend had told him he should ask me out. Then he told me he would have had I not been moving. Well, I felt pretty destroyed. I thought really hard about staying, but I knew I had to go. Then came I believe the last day I saw him before I moved. We had gone into my barn to see the Emus before he left and I was standing on some grain bags. He turned to hug me and put his hands on my face and told me I was beautiful and kissed me. Yep, I died. It was amazing. I danced around my room like a little girly-girl all night. A few days or so I moved in with my brother.

I still text him all the time, and now we began to Skype. I was determined since that kiss to fight for him no matter what it took. I was so in love. One day I went to text my best friend saying " I love you" and sent it to him instead O_O Once I realized this I threw my phone across the room and wouldn't even go to it for like an hour. When I finally checked the response, I could have fainted. He said he loved me too. This started us always telling each other we loved each other. But he didn't want a long distance relationship, or any relationship honestly. He was still hurt over an ex and feared commitment. This kind of hurt me. I dated a few guys here and there. But they weren't him, so I was never happy. Then come half way through October, yes this all happened over FIVE MONTHS. That's it. But anyway, then I moved to northern California. Me and him only got closer and closer as friends....or whatever we were. I still dated other guys, but I only wanted HIM. I was going to fight until I DIED if I had to, one day he would be mine.

Now comes Christmas. I went back to visit MN over my Christmas break. I spent as much time as I could with him. We went on our crazy walks, only now we held hands and kissed, too. I never wanted to go home. He had got me this super pretty necklace for Christmas. It was a Jade flower with beads in the center, it became my most prized possession. I wore it all the time. I was so happy to spend all this time with him. But sadly I had to go home way too soon.

We continued to Skype, still only getting closer. On Valentine's he asked me to be his Valentine. I was so happy. We would always stay up way to late on Skype! I always fell asleep at some crazy hour of the day. I had never felt this kind of connection with anyone else my whole life. And I was still determined to get him someday. I was getting closer. I had posted a status on Facebook that had questions for friends to answer, and one question was "would you date me", he commented with "maybe in time". That was enough for me. He was such a huge part of my life.

Now over Spring break I went to visit home again. And again I spent every second I could with him. It was the same as the last time. And before he left the last time I got to see him before I left he told me "Be all you can" and those are words I took straight to my heart. They motivated me to do anything. I could do anything in the world. I WAS going to get him now.

Come The next summer, yes only a year since I had met him, I ended up moving back to Minnesota. I was so excited to finally have a chance to be with him. No more distance. I moved in with a friend. And again! saw him every chance I could. Over Memorial weekend my friends and I went up to Michigan to go camping, him included. This trip was a huge changing point for us. It got us closer than we ever could have gotten over Skype. It was over this trip he had completely fell in love with ME.

Soon after, maybe a week tops, we started dating. All that fighting paid off and I was as happy as a person could be. He was my everything. I was in MY Senior year of school now, and my grades were the best they had ever been! He gave me a kind of motivation I didn't know existed. We were SO happy together. Nothing could tear us apart. We did everything together. After awhile I had got my own apartment and my life was looking up in the best way possible. And now I get to bring us to the part I wish never had to be.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. At this point in my life I had NO IDEA anything was wrong. Yea, I struggled with feelings of Depression most of my life, but I didn't think I actually HAD depression. Yet alone BPD. I don't know what sparked this...but around April I started to feel like I didn't want to be with him anymore. Does that even make sense? Reading all the way up to here, does that make sense!? No. And I didn't know why I had these feelings. I started getting REALLY mad for no reason at all now. I screamed at him for being late, I felt like he hated me when I swear to every single thing I believe in not a single person on the face of this planet could love me as much as he did or treat me amazing as he did, I would get SO upset over something simple he said, I was hurting so badly and I didn't know why.

By the time I graduated that June I had left him and started dating a different guy who was my best friend at the time. He moved into my apartment with me and I thought I was happy for...like a week...more like 3 or 4 days. Then I realized I LOVED that boy WHY did I leave him!? I struggled with my new relationship, knowing what I really wanted was my ex back. I still hung out with him every single day. He never left. He stayed through it all, waiting for me to come back. About a month later I did. I said I would never leave him again. I loved him so dearly. I honestly wasn't sure why I left him in the first place.

That November, about two and a half years after I met him, we got engaged. I was NOT going to leave him. I loved him. I had to remind myself everyday, sadly. My BPD was almost completely developed by now, but I still had no idea I had it yet. My best friend, now ex, had told me he thought something was wrong over that summer and I blew it off....more like threw a fit and had an episode on Main Street at 3 am in the intersection. YAY. So yes, things were getting worse. I started to cry every time my now Fiance left my apartment to go home. I would sit in front of the door and not let him leave. BAWL my eyes out when he did leave. We would fight almost every night over it. I BEGGED him to just stay the night with me....please don't leave me. I was SO scared to be alone. I felt like every time he left my apartment he was leaving me forever. I started to get more mad over stupider things. His parents HATED me by this point. And I refused to listen to them. I didn't care what they thought. Instead of hanging out when we could, it became I demanded all of his time. I was destroying him.

January came and I left him again. I had a different friend living with me at the time. My friend and I dated off and on for a while, but then I finally went back to my ex. We were engaged again and I was trying to do ANYTHING from acting irrationally like I was. I still wasn't diagnosed so I was shooting in the dark, unable to explain to anyone why I was acting the way I was. The damage was SO evident on my Fiance now. I knew I needed help. In March I made the appointment to go get diagnosed and I told him just hold on for one month. Please. Things will get better from there. Promise. My depression was at it's worst at this time, along with my BPD. I didn't leave other than for work and I was a zombie while I was there. So easily sent into a breakdown, I did my best to hold on. I stayed in my bed while I was at home.

I was feeling very sick one night and wouldn't let my Fiance leave. I wanted him to take care of me, I could barely get off the couch. He had to leave and a big fight started. He turned off my light and slammed the door. I laid there and cried myself to sleep. When I got his text saying he got home safe I replied "I don't care". This was enough for him and he left me. I begged him, I told him my appointment was so soon. He wouldn't speak to me. When I finally got my diagnosis I told him right away and sent him links as I was researching. He started talking to me again and I thought things would get better. I moved in with a family friend and was starting counseling. He told me he wanted to be just friends and he needed some time to work on himself. I begged him... I couldn't let him go. I didn't want to be alone. I loved him. More than anything. He was my motivation. He was why I got help. I couldn't imagine not being with him.

I tried my best to get him back. We barely talked now. Then one day just this last May he posted something on Facebook that offended me. I commented very civilly, saying I was hurt by the way he said it and that was it. Some people jumped on my case though. Saying I was being dramatic. I did my best to try to stay calm, but lost it to an episode. Horrible words went back and forth. It was him and three other girls against me. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. I BEGGED him to just take the whole post down, but he wouldn't. This went on for hours, ending in me almost taking my life and blocking every single person involved.

From then on he would never speak to me again. At first I tried to get him back, I would call him, text him, anything. I went through a bad alcoholic phase and did ANYTHING to talk to him. After a month I finally stopped. I got a small book that I would write to him in to keep me from having episodes and calling him. I found out not too long after he had got a new girlfriend just a week or so after the big fight. I was so very hurt. I turned to that book almost every single day. I wrote anything I was feeling, anything I wanted him to know, anything I would have said to him had he been right there. I took the book with me everywhere. My feelings for him never did anything but get stronger and I didn't know how to move on. I based everything in my life off of him. Even though he wasn't there. He was still my motivation. For everything. I still lived by "be all you can". I wanted to better myself for him. To someday show him what I could be. I had a lot of time to sit down and look at how I acted, how I can now see how I was wrong when I couldn't see before. I saw that his parents were right the whole time, I wish I had taken there advice. I made a fool of myself. I hurt the one person who meant the most to me.

Things got harder in my life and I bounced around a lot living-wise. I let myself go and couldn't seem to find how to get back up. He wouldn't be in the same room as me, and because of this I didn't get to see my friends anymore. One of them lives with him and the rest are always with him. I found out he was saying bad things about me all the time. That I'm a manipulative B**** and such. It hurts me so badly. Though I understand. I know I was wrong and that I ripped him to pieces.

And here we are now. End of December 2013. Almost four years since I met him. I have never cared for someone like I do him, and I fear I never will. I'm stuck with feelings of regret. I want to fix this, but I feel the best way to fix is to leave him be happy. It's been almost 8 months since we stopped talking and I love him just the same as I always have. It all hurts the same. I don't know how long before I'm over him, if ever at all. I still write in that book, and carry it with me everywhere I go, though I don't write as much as I used to. I feel like all that I've ever wanted to say has been said. I'm terrified of relationships because I know how I still feel for my ex and because I know what BPD can do to people you love. This boy was the most patient person I've ever met. He would sit calmly on the floor outside my apartment as I threw anything that was his into the hallway screaming, telling him to leave due to an episode. Because he knew I would eventually calm down and let him back in. He didn't even know what was wrong and he was still patient and kind. He was so understanding even when nothing made sense. He was always there for me, he did as much as he could do without knowing why I was the way I was. And I even chased him away in the end.

Part of me wants to try to talk to him. Try to get him to see. I know he will think I'm manipulating, think nothing has changed at all. I know he won't trust me. But I can't just let him go. I just want him in my life, even as just a friend. He is so inspiring. I love every single aspect of him.

Though part of me wants to let him be happy and never interfere. I already caused enough pain. I had my time with him and I ruined it. It's not my place to try to get back into his life.

Part of me wants to wait until my life has become something and then try, then see. See if I can make him proud. Like i used to. See if I can make him fall in love again. I fought for a year before, I can fight again. I don' ever want to give up on something that made me so happy.

UGH. How could I even THINK of a relationship with someone else? What do I do? I have no one I can talk to about this. What am I gonna do talk to my BOYFRIEND about my insane obsession with my ex!? I don't know what to do about my feelings. I love him. I know I do. I've never been so open with anyone else. No one knew me better. I've been struggling with this for almost 8 months. I haven't said anything to him...even though I want to. But should I? Will I ruin any chance? Do I never go back? Do I just wait awhile? I don't want him to hate me forever.

If you read all the way down to here, omg thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I really needed to say something before I lose it. It's a major source of my depression. I've been working on my really bad BPD habits since this. I don't panic and try to keep people from leaving the house anymore. That's a lot for me. I appreciate any feedback. Am I just crazy? Is this SUPER BPD? I have so many questions. I don't want to lose anyone else close to me. How do I keep this from affecting my relationship now? I haven't told him about ANY of this. He knows of my disorders, but not my ex. Thank you.

[SaraSkyblue]

Yaaay....longest thing I've ever posted in my life.... >_>

[Aventurine]

I am sorry you are going through this.. I can relate to a lot of what you are describing.. All I can say (and I have to remind myself of this often) is a quote from the Buddha.. "Attachment is at the root of all suffering".

Hugs to you.

[Truth in Ruin]

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Thanks for opening up. As I was reading this, from the beginning-ish, I thought I have read this story before, but after I kept reading, I realized it was a different story, and relationship all together.

Have you thought about sending him everything, word for word in this thread? Maybe you could cut and paste this, then email it to him.

As far as telling your boyfriend this... I probably wouldn't. Unless you are going to leave him. If you can't commit to your boyfriend mentally, you should probably do him a favor, and cut ties. This isn't fair to your boyfriend. I know you understand this. Is it fair for the guy you're with that he is in your life- basically to fill the void of being alone? I hope you can figure this out, one way, or another.

I will say the love you have for your EX is amazing. Just to tell you a little about myself, my EX had BPD. She didn't know she had it, I didn't either. About 2 years into the relationship I knew something was odd. I didn't know what it was, so I tried to figure it out. I did tons of research and discovered for myself that she did in fact have BPD. I cried for for a week straight. The relationship eventually ended. A little over a year later I met my current girlfriend. She also has BPD. What are the odds of that?!?! She said something the first night I met her, and what she said caused a light bulb to turn on in my head, I looked right at her, and said... Do you have BPD? Her response, "how do you know about that?" Followed by "I think I do!" Anyway, at that point she thought she may have been. I asked her a series of questions, after her responses I was 100% sure. A few months went by, and she was diagnosed having BPD. Before all that, I knew more about BPD than she did. I explained a lot of things to her, she explained things to me. We both taught each other how our minds work. It was actually quite a bonding experience. She was very relieved to have someone that could actually understood her, but at the same time, it scared her that someone could actually know what she was thinking lol.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story. Sorry for making you read mine lol. I hope things work-out for you, and if it's meant to be... It's meant to be.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Thanks for opening up. As I was reading this, from the beginning-ish, I thought I have read this story before, but after I kept reading, I realized it was a different story, and relationship all together.

Have you thought about sending him everything, word for word in this thread? Maybe you could cut and paste this, then email it to him.

As far as telling your boyfriend this... I probably wouldn't. Unless you are going to leave him. If you can't commit to your boyfriend mentally, you should probably do him a favor, and cut ties. This isn't fair to your boyfriend. I know you understand this. Is it fair for the guy you're with that he is in your life- basically to fill the void of being alone? I hope you can figure this out, one way, or another.

I will say the love you have for your EX is amazing. Just to tell you a little about myself, my EX had BPD. She didn't know she had it, I didn't either. About 2 years into the relationship I knew something was odd. I didn't know what it was, so I tried to figure it out. I did tons of research and discovered for myself that she did in fact have BPD. I cried for for a week straight. The relationship eventually ended. A little over a year later I met my current girlfriend. She also has BPD. What are the odds of that?!?! She said something the first night I met her, and what she said caused a light bulb to turn on in my head, I looked right at her, and said... Do you have BPD? Her response, "how do you know about that?" Followed by "I think I do!" Anyway, at that point she thought she may have been. I asked her a series of questions, after her responses I was 100% sure. A few months went by, and she was diagnosed having BPD. Before all that, I knew more about BPD than she did. I explained a lot of things to her, she explained things to me. We both taught each other how our minds work. It was actually quite a bonding experience. She was very relieved to have someone that could actually understood her, but at the same time, it scared her that someone could actually know what she was thinking lol.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story. Sorry for making you read mine lol. I hope things work-out for you, and if it's meant to be... It's meant to be.

You think I should send it to him? Why? I want to...but I can never seem to actually DO it. What about his GF? What if he's happy without me? Who would I be to get in the middle of that?

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

You think I should send it to him? Why? I want to...but I can never seem to actually DO it. What about his GF? What if he's happy without me? Who would I be to get in the middle of that?

Why? So he knows how you feel. Nothing more.

I don't think he's going to leave his girlfriend after reading it, that's not the point. The point is so he just knows how you feel. I don't think you are going to get in the middle of his happiness, but that's very thoughtful of you for thinking about them.

If it were me, I'd send him this post, unedited. I wouldn't expect a response tho.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

Why? So he knows how you feel. Nothing more.

I don't think he's going to leave his girlfriend after reading it, that's not the point. The point is so he just knows how you feel. I don't think you are going to get in the middle of his happiness, but that's very thoughtful of you for thinking about them.

If it were me, I'd send him this post, unedited. I wouldn't expect a response tho.

Exactly...I don't think he would even read it. And what if because I send it before he's ready to have me in his life, he pushes me further and I lose any chance I have for him to be in my life?

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Thanks for opening up. As I was reading this, from the beginning-ish, I thought I have read this story before, but after I kept reading, I realized it was a different story, and relationship all together.

Have you thought about sending him everything, word for word in this thread? Maybe you could cut and paste this, then email it to him.

As far as telling your boyfriend this... I probably wouldn't. Unless you are going to leave him. If you can't commit to your boyfriend mentally, you should probably do him a favor, and cut ties. This isn't fair to your boyfriend. I know you understand this. Is it fair for the guy you're with that he is in your life- basically to fill the void of being alone? I hope you can figure this out, one way, or another.

I will say the love you have for your EX is amazing. Just to tell you a little about myself, my EX had BPD. She didn't know she had it, I didn't either. About 2 years into the relationship I knew something was odd. I didn't know what it was, so I tried to figure it out. I did tons of research and discovered for myself that she did in fact have BPD. I cried for for a week straight. The relationship eventually ended. A little over a year later I met my current girlfriend. She also has BPD. What are the odds of that?!?! She said something the first night I met her, and what she said caused a light bulb to turn on in my head, I looked right at her, and said... Do you have BPD? Her response, "how do you know about that?" Followed by "I think I do!" Anyway, at that point she thought she may have been. I asked her a series of questions, after her responses I was 100% sure. A few months went by, and she was diagnosed having BPD. Before all that, I knew more about BPD than she did. I explained a lot of things to her, she explained things to me. We both taught each other how our minds work. It was actually quite a bonding experience. She was very relieved to have someone that could actually understood her, but at the same time, it scared her that someone could actually know what she was thinking lol.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story. Sorry for making you read mine lol. I hope things work-out for you, and if it's meant to be... It's meant to be.

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

Exactly...I don't think he would even read it. And what if because I send it before he's ready to have me in his life, he pushes me further and I lose any chance I have for him to be in my life?

1) if he doesn't read it, he doesn't read it. At least you give yourself an opportunity to tell him how you feel.

2) when do you know if, or when he'll be ready for this? At no point will he be like, "boy, she sent this at the wrong time." Or "man, I was thinking about getting back together with her, but after this, forget about it." Do you see my logic? I like to look at things from the worst case scenario... So what's the worst thing that can happen? Nothing. So everything stays the same. Nothing changes.

3) this isn't to try to get him back, it's just so he knows where you stand.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

1) if he doesn't read it, he doesn't read it. At least you give yourself an opportunity to tell him how you feel.

2) when do you know if, or when he'll be ready for this? At no point will he be like, "boy, she sent this at the wrong time." Or "man, I was thinking about getting back together with her, but after this, forget about it." Do you see my logic? I like to look at things from the worst case scenario... So what's the worst thing that can happen? Nothing. So everything stays the same. Nothing changes.

3) this isn't to try to get him back, it's just so he knows where you stand.

I know it's not to get back with him, but I feel he will look at it that way.

But I think I might just do it. It sounds like the craziest thing in the world to me, but you have good reasons.

[Truth in Ruin]

If I felt this way about someone. I wouldn't take it to the grave. I would have to let them know.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

If I felt this way about someone. I wouldn't take it to the grave. I would have to let them know.

I have the email all ready, just waiting to get the courage to hit "send"

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by SaraSkyblue

I have the email all ready, just waiting to get the courage to hit "send"

Yeah?!?! Like I said, worst case scenario, everything would stay the same.

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

Yeah?!?! Like I said, worst case scenario, everything would stay the same.

Ok, I'm just gonna do it. >_< Oh jeez I can't believe this.

[livelovelearn1986]

I think simply letting him know is just that...letting him know. You can push people to far and they have the right to protect themselves. Sometimes there SE consequences to our actions that hurt us...but that is life.
You need to know...that letting him know how you feel is not an attempt to get him back..and what you wrote will not take away the hurt that is still there..but he will know.

Live Love Learn

[SaraSkyblue]

Thank you both so much. One thing though....what do I say along with the post?

[livelovelearn1986]

I would simply say "Dear Josh...or whatever his name is" and paste the post...nothing taken nothing added.

Hun...I hope you are in a place where you do not expect or need a response. This is not an attempt at fixing what was broken. It is simply letting him know.

Live Love Learn

[SaraSkyblue]

Originally Posted by livelovelearn1986

I would simply say "Dear Josh...or whatever his name is" and paste the post...nothing taken nothing added.

Hun...I hope you are in a place where you do not expect or need a response. This is not an attempt at fixing what was broken. It is simply letting him know.

Live Love Learn

I understand. I do. I've almost wrote him just so he knows many times. But I just always felt like it was intrusive. I don't NEED a response. And at this point in my life I don't think I would even take him back if he were to come back. My BPD is "better" but not as controlled as I'd like. I would never want to put him through all of that again.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by livelovelearn1986

I would simply say "Dear Josh...or whatever his name is" and paste the post...nothing taken nothing added.

Hun...I hope you are in a place where you do not expect or need a response. This is not an attempt at fixing what was broken. It is simply letting him know.

Live Love Learn

I agree 100% with everything livelovelearn1986 said here. Do not edit. Do not expect a response.

[SaraSkyblue]

Thanks, all of you.

Let us know how it goes?

[Trippin2.0]

I relate to much of what you posted.

I actually sent lyrics and attached the song for my ex...

It brought my bf back after 14 months no contact.

The song is about a guy who tried but can't save his troubled gf. About how she nearly "drowned" him and he had to walk away, even though he's worried about who will save her.

Hearing this song made me cry, seems it was written about our relationship. I felt SO bad for my ex....

All I said was : "if you feel anything like this dude, then you did the right thing by walking away and I'm glad you saved yourself"...

We met up 2 days later and things have never been better between us. Its been a whole year now without me driving him away.

If anyone is wondering, its called "Watch over you" by Alterbridge.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I relate to much of what you posted.

I actually sent lyrics and attached the song for my ex...

It brought my bf back after 14 months no contact.

The song is about a guy who tried but can't save his troubled gf. About how she nearly "drowned" him and he had to walk away, even though he's worried about who will save her.

Hearing this song made me cry, seems it was written about our relationship. I felt SO bad for my ex....

All I said was : "if you feel anything like this dude, then you did the right thing by walking away and I'm glad you saved yourself"...

We met up 2 days later and things have never been better between us. Its been a whole year now without me driving him away.

If anyone is wondering, its called "Watch over you" by Alterbridge.

Lyrics

Verse 1:
Leaves are on the ground Fall has come
Blue skies turning grey Like my love
I tried to carry you And make you whole
But it was never enough I must go

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you When I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you?
When I'm gone

[Verse 2:]
You say you care for me But hide it well
How can you love someone?
And not yourself?

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
And who'll watch over you?
When I'm gone

[Bridge:]
And when I'm gone Who will break your fall?
Who will you blame?
I can't go on And let you lose it all
It's more than I can take
Who'll ease your pain? Ease your pain

[Chorus:]
Who is gonna save you when I'm gone?
Who'll watch over you?
Who will give you strength when you're not strong.
Who'll watch over you when I've gone away?

Snow is on the ground Winters come
You long to hear my voice
But I'm long gone

This song made me want to be a healthier individual, because for the very first time I understood his suffering. I should remember to listen to it more often as a way to remind me why it went so very wrong between us. Its also a good reminder that ultimately it was my understanding of what he went through trying to save me that made him feel safe enough to return to me.

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I relate to much of what you posted.

I actually sent lyrics and attached the song for my ex...

It brought my bf back after 14 months no contact.

The song is about a guy who tried but can't save his troubled gf. About how she nearly "drowned" him and he had to walk away, even though he's worried about who will save her.

Hearing this song made me cry, seems it was written about our relationship. I felt SO bad for my ex....

All I said was : "if you feel anything like this dude, then you did the right thing by walking away and I'm glad you saved yourself"...

We met up 2 days later and things have never been better between us. Its been a whole year now without me driving him away.

If anyone is wondering, its called "Watch over you" by Alterbridge.

Thanks for sharing that Trippin. My old guitar player jammed with Alterbridge, so that's neat too

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

Thanks for sharing that Trippin. My old guitar player jammed with Alterbridge, so that's neat too

You're most welcome
That's sOOOooo cool about your old guitar player

[SaraSkyblue]

So far I talked to one of my friends about it and they said they would try to make sure he read it. He said it's the least my ex could do. Not that he has to respond, just read it.