[The_little_didgee]

I am trying to understand how I got diagnosed with BPD twenty years ago at the age of sixteen. This is a very sensitive issue for me because I never agreed with the diagnosis and still don't. Can one get BPD like symptoms from being in hospital and medication?

Here is why I ask:

My first experience with psychiatry was at the age of 16. I ended up in Emergency and was admitted to an adolescent psychiatric unit for 8 weeks for attempting suicide. During my time there I was diagnosed with depression and put on Zoloft, which put me through 9 months of hell. That medication changed me and filled my mind with perpetual suicidal thoughts. I complained and was told it would get better. It never did. Anger began to surface and I starting taking it out on walls, windows and doors. I soon learned that this was not acceptable and would often lead to me being placed in the "quiet room". Self injury was a problem in that psychiatric unit. During my stay I learned how to self harm, something I never did before except for my suicide attempt. I only did it when I felt like exploding (to avoid the quiet room and a possible injection).

During another admission to that same unit I was diagnosed with BPD. No one explained it to me and suddenly no one wanted to deal with me. I was formed for 17 days and they threatened to send me to the psychiatric hospital two hours away. After the form expired it wasn't renewed, because I told the doctors exactly what they wanted to hear not what I was feeling. Immediately after I stopped taking the Zoloft and my mind began to clear. The suicidal urges, anger and cutting disappeared.

I ended up in that hospital because I was severely bullied at school. I wasn't doing well in school and just wanted to quit because I could not navigate the social world of adolescence.

This experience really bothers me. I really need to move on but it constantly nags at me. My psychiatrist doesn't want to hear of it anymore.

[beloiseau]

First, I would recommend finding a new psychiatrist, if this is something you would consider. We are the only people who know ourselves best, the treatment team goes on what others say and what you tell them. If he is not listening to your concerns, it sounds like his mind is made up. It does sound like Zoloft wreaked havoc on your mind and body, and could have potentially caused a lot of the issues you brought up, so I don't think you can necessarily be diagnosed with BPD because of the effects of the medication.

I have had horrible effects from some medications, including very high suicidal thoughts from Pristiq.

I hope you can find a professional to listen to your concerns and help you get on the right tract for what you need. It sounds so hard to be dealing with a diagnosis you're not convinced you have.

I had professionals brush my suspicions of BPD aside, which is the opposite of you. It took the right treatment team to start getting me the help I need.

[IndieVisible]

suicidal thoughts and AD's with teens is verry common! I'm surprised your doc did not take u seriously! I also can't see how they can diagnose you any thing other then major depression from 2 short admissions. Major depression is pretty obvious, but unless you were inside for 30 days, I can't see what they based their diagnoses. You have every right to ask why and if you feel your not being taken serious enough then I agree get a new doc.

[Rapunzel]

You were a teenager, and it sounds like you were reacting to circumstances and trauma. Especially 20 years later, the diagnosis may not be right. BPD is a pattern of explosive or impulsive behavior, black and white thinking, up and down relationships, self-destructiveness. etc. It doesn't have to be everything but five out of nine possible symptoms. While BPD can be diagnosed in teenagers, it is also possible that you were just acting like a teenager.

Another disorder with pretty much the same symptoms as BPD is Complex PTSD. PTSD is a reaction to trauma, and symptoms are often very much like BPD. Complex PTSD means that the trauma was more chronic and ongoing rather than one or two or a handful of things that happened to you. It is harder to make sense of complex trauma. It becomes normalized, and you might start to think that it's really you rather than the things that happened to you. Symptoms are pretty much the same as BPD. BPD also comes from early complex trauma and emotional invalidation, possibly when the person who develops the disorder is highly sensitive to begin with. Essentially, they are the same thing, and the same treatments help too.

You don't have to be stuck with a diagnosis or label forever. And we change a lot when we grow up. Teenagers often act out and it doesn't always mean that they have BPD. If you are still having problems or symptoms, there is still treatment available and you will probably find that they listen to you better now that you are an adult.

[UnderTheRose]

One thing i have read in a few places is that not all people who self harm are BPD - BPD is something that people do as a release for overwhelming emotions. Not only BPD'ers suffer from this... sadly it is often used as an automatic BDP diagnosis, especially in the past. Not so much anymore. Diagnosis can be wrong, most certainly. Also, BPD isnt always a lifetime thing, sometimes our lack of emotional regulation is a teenage/young adult phenomenon that improves as we get older and our emotional centers mature.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

First, I would recommend finding a new psychiatrist, if this is something you would consider. We are the only people who know ourselves best, the treatment team goes on what others say and what you tell them. If he is not listening to your concerns, it sounds like his mind is made up.

My present psychiatrist did not diagnose me with BPD. Sorry for conveying the wrong message. She finds it very annoying whenever I discuss BPD with her because she says I am obsessed with my psychiatric history. I admit that I am having a very hard time letting my past go.

Originally Posted by beloiseau

It does sound like Zoloft wreaked havoc on your mind and body, and could have potentially caused a lot of the issues you brought up, so I don't think you can necessarily be diagnosed with BPD because of the effects of the medication.

I have had horrible effects from some medications, including very high suicidal thoughts from Pristiq.

Paxil made me very suicidal. The last time I was on it I ended up in Emergency for suicidal thoughts. The staff psychiatrist who I dealt with previously told me "I was just being Borderline" and "seeking attention". I nearly told her to **** off. After that incident I vowed to never go to Emergency and share any kind of suicidal thought with a mental health professional again. It hasn't been much of an issue because I rarely ever feel suicidal.

Originally Posted by beloiseau

I hope you can find a professional to listen to your concerns and help you get on the right tract for what you need. It sounds so hard to be dealing with a diagnosis you're not convinced you have.

I had professionals brush my suspicions of BPD aside, which is the opposite of you. It took the right treatment team to start getting me the help I need.

In the mid 1990s there was no treatment for BPD so patients were just told to deal with it. Most psychiatrists in this city were not interested in dealing with patients with that diagnosis at the time. The only thing they would recommend was the Emergency Department.

I don't really know what my diagnosis is. I think this is why I am having trouble getting past my hospitalizations and labels. Last summer my psychiatrist mentioned that I was on the "schizophrenia spectrum". In my mid-twenties I went into psychosis and had to be treated for it. I refused inpatient care and settled for community based treatment. I recovered but ever since that happened I am bothered with what I call extra sensory perceptions. This makes me wonder if I have BPD or not.

Thanks for the reply.

[beloiseau]

No worries, I hope I helped a little. I just find the thought of your psychiatrist not wanting to discuss what you want to discuss a little invalidating. The psychosis you spoke of could be considered one of the criteria for BPD. I would look more into the DSM criteria and see how you think it fits or doesn't fit. For me, the criteria are too stringent sometimes and at other times describe me exactly.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

I just find the thought of your psychiatrist not wanting to discuss what you want to discuss a little invalidating.

Sometimes she will let me. She wants me to focus on exploring my relationships and work on my social skills rather than discuss my psychiatric past all the time.

Can one have BPD without trauma?

[beloiseau]

Yeah. I've got no trauma, only invalidation from parents etc. my home life wasnt easy, but it wasnt abusive.

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[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Yeah. I've got no trauma, only invalidation from parents etc. my home life wasnt easy, but it wasnt abusive.

The only trauma I have is severe school bullying. I was a great target because of my autism. Being literal, sensitive and serious made me very susceptible to ridicule.

My parents were not abusive towards me at all. They were really involved in my life and loving.

In 1994 a psychiatrist told me I was abused because I didn't like being touched. It turned out to be from sensory processing disorder, which is the cause of most of my anxiety. This error put so much stress on my family and made me doubt my past.

[beloiseau]

Aww that sounds so hard. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I think being bullied can have a huge effect on mental well-being as an adult. It should definitely be dealt with and not pushed under the rug.

And for the record, I don't particularly like being touched or being intimate either. And to my knowledge, it is not related to abuse (although an ex-bf did once suggest that).

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[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

And for the record, I don't particularly like being touched or being intimate either. And to my knowledge, it is not related to abuse (although an ex-bf did once suggest that).

I never really felt the need to have intimate relations with others. I'm 36 and have very, very limited experience with romantic relationships. I never fantasized about this nor have I ever had a crush. It is so much work to hug, kiss and caress. These gestures don't come naturally to me. I find stuff like this suffocating, boring and pointless.

I am fine with being single. Anyway I don't want children.

[ScarletPimpernel]

BPD is not supposed to be officially diagnosed as a teenager because many teenager experience similar symptoms. It's when the symptoms persist into adulthood that it can then be diagnosed as such. I don't blame you for wanting a correct diagnosis. I knew I had BPD and I wanted the diagnosis. If you know you don't have it, I can imagine you want to be un-diagnosed with it officially.

As far as touching, I do NOT like most people to touch me. Some I like (my T, my fiance, my mom), some I put up with (family members, doctors), most make me feel violated (everyone else). Even with my fiance, I'm not very good at showing affection, and I am really bad at kissing...I just don't feel like kissing. I was never "abused". I was neglected and invalidated. But no one has EVER touched me inappropriately...

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

BPD is not supposed to be officially diagnosed as a teenager because many teenager experience similar symptoms. It's when the symptoms persist into adulthood that it can then be diagnosed as such. I don't blame you for wanting a correct diagnosis. I knew I had BPD and I wanted the diagnosis. If you know you don't have it, I can imagine you want to be un-diagnosed with it officially.

As far as touching, I do NOT like most people to touch me. Some I like (my T, my fiance, my mom), some I put up with (family members, doctors), most make me feel violated (everyone else). Even with my fiance, I'm not very good at showing affection, and I am really bad at kissing...I just don't feel like kissing. I was never "abused". I was neglected and invalidated. But no one has EVER touched me inappropriately...

I am exactly the same way. Just don't know how to be cuddly. I wonder if it is related to feelings of invalidation?

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[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

I am exactly the same way. Just don't know how to be cuddly. I wonder if it is related to feelings of invalidation?

Maybe. I kind of always thought it was just because I never really received much physical contact growing up. My parents never really kissed me, nor hugged me. I remember one time my mom was watching TV, and I tried to go up and cuddle with her, and she pushed me off the couch. I got my love from stuffed animals and pets. I guess that's being invalidated, huh?

[beloiseau]

That sounds so hard. My family were never really too touchy either, a pat here or a pat there. Definitely overuse the 'i love you's' though, which is totally opposite. Maybe that confused me too.

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[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I remember one time my mom was watching TV, and I tried to go up and cuddle with her, and she pushed me off the couch. I got my love from stuffed animals and pets. I guess that's being invalidated, huh?

This happened to me a few times shortly after we moved. My mother was going through a difficult time because her marriage was falling apart. I did not know this at the time because my parents hid their problems from us very well. It hurt. I remember thinking that my mother did not like me.

[lazydog]

I'm pretty sure now, looking back and all the crap I did when I was a teenager that someone could have diagnosed me then with BPD and that I had it.