[*zer0*]

Hi everyone! My name is Zer0 and I'm new to the forum.

I was recently diagnosed with BPD, and after researching the disorder, I became extremely upset. The description of the disorder seems to depict a selfish, horrible person. Sites are filled with hatred for people who have BPD. This broke my heart, and I've been having difficulty in social situations since. It hurts to look at myself through this lens, of one with BPD. I can't help but hate myself for it and feeling like I'm a horrible, disgusting person. One thing that got me this far in life was believing that I'm a good, moral person, but it's hard to do so after this diagnosis. I feel like my whole world is falling apart, and it's difficult to hold on to hope.

Has anyone else experienced something like this and/or has any advice?

[shezbut]

I can understand how you're feeling. Articles that describe BPD usually aren't very pretty. They explain our moods and behavior when we're stuck in a bad time. Changing from mood to mood very rapidly and to the extreme.

If you cannot relate to any of the behaviors, thoughts, and feelings though....maybe they mis-diagnosed you! Typically, when a BPD reads the description of behaviors, a lot of the list fits to a T. We are amazed! Finally, some answers for what in the world is going on with our extreme emotions!!

If the description fits, try not to worry so much. We don't sound like the "greatest people" in some people's views, but we can & do gain a lot more control and understanding of our emotions as we join BPD groups or read about things from a better perspective online. DBT Self Help is an extremely helpful website that you may want to check out! There are some videos available, by Marsha Linehan, the Dr. who started DBT (and has BPD as well!) which I found to be helpful and reassuring. I've found that people either love/hate her. I thought that she was great, personally!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree with everything Shez said.

Whether you have any diagnosis or not, you are you...a diagnosis doesn't change that. For myself, the diagnosis meant that there's a reason why I struggle...that I'm not faking it or just being lazy. But I'm still me: the good parts of me haven't disappeared.

Try not to look at yourself through what people portray BPD is. I was told that there's over 200 ways BPD can be exhibited. So all these sites are only describing one type of BPD. If those descriptions don't apply to you, then try to ignore them. They are simply incorrect generalizations. But I know it can be difficult...especially if this is all new to you.

[beloiseau]

Some people have opinions about BPD based on experiences they have. They could be saying the same thing about someone with any other mental illness. It is hard to read about them...

If you believe you are a good person, and I think you are right, then you are. That's all that matters. I have trouble not letting others views effect me, it's something I need to work on. For me anyway, a lot of my BPD is self-esteem and self-invalidation related. I don't have a lot of close relationships and have internal trouble with them, but I have never deliberately hurt anyone nor would I want to. So I think Scarlet is right when she says there's over 200 ways it can be exhibited. It makes sense that the worst type gets talked about the most. The media loves to sensationalize things.

I hope that you can find some peace in this forum and know that we're here to talk!

First - WELCOME....

As for the selfish, butt-hole type person that BPD-type people tend to be..... well - I am the KING of butt-holes.

[humor]

well now that you know what you (and I) have.... what are you (and I) going to do about it?

[Maranara]

I remember when I first looked at sites for info and had the same feeling. I came across a site for loved-ones of people who had BPD and one of the first things I read was "So your loved one has BPD....It sucks to be you....get out now!"

I can tell you this. We are gigantically stigmatized on websites, in books, and even some therapists and psychiatrists won't work with us for various reason, but we're not all bad...not bad at all really, and you've found a great place to learn that. I was in total denial when I first discovered it, even though I hit every trait! Talk to people here, make friends, find people who knows what you're going through and who can be a support system, and screw the rest! You'll be okay...we all will.

[Starling.]

I understand that feeling. I found out my diagnosis quite recently and reading a lot of the stuff I found online was pretty horrible. Like you, I generally think of myself as a good person, and while I don't think that people with BPD are not good people or anything like that, a lot of it is hard to read! I also worried, because I tend to see my relationships as being pretty positive and because so much of a PD seems to be about how one relates to others, I was concerned that I was behaving in certain ways without realising it.

But like others have said, people with BPD will struggle with different combinations of symptoms, we are all individuals and we all have strengths and talents. Having a certain diagnosis does not make you a bad person! I do know a couple of people with BPD who are very difficult to be around, but I also know a couple of people with BPD who are absolutely lovely. It isn't - or shouldn't be - a criticism of who you are.

Is there anyone you can talk to about it? I talked to the counsellor I was seeing at uni, and a close friend, to try to get my head round it, and also to check with them about whether they thought I was behaving in 'borderline' ways.

Don't let being given a diagnosis make you doubt yourself. It doesn't take away your positive qualities.

[hawaii04]

Welcome! Like many things, BPD can appear worse on paper so to speak ~ given negative criticism with lack of understanding and a non compassionate judgment. Just like with anything else, people can take beauty and make it ugly. We know ourselves better than anyone and nothing is all bad. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is try to stay with the positive, the things about us that we can focus on, feel better and help us to accept managing the other aspects of BPD; the things that give us hope and contentment on a more consistant basis. All of your feelings you described we experience also. You are never alone.

[*zer0*]

Thanks everyone for the lovely replies.

At first when I was diagnosed I thought for sure it was a misdiagnosis. I relate strongly to many of the symptoms, but not so much others. It wasn't until I watched a documentary about BPD on YouTube when I realized I did in fact have the disorder. It was very difficult for me and I couldn't finish the whole film.

I guess I should not use the diagnosis to define myself, but rather to explain my emotional difficulties. Maybe the most extreme cases of BPD are difficult, but there are different variations. We are not the disorder, it's only a part of us, right?

What makes me most upset though are all the resources for "nons" that say to avoid those with BPD if possible. Like, are we really that bad? I think we're (at least in my case) just extremely emotional and need to be treated well and given patience for when we overreact. I'd like to think I don't hurt anyone in any way in my adult life besides when I hurt myself. I don't know... just kind of rambling.

[*zer0*]

I thought I posted a response but I guess it didn't send?

Anyway, I want to thank you all for the lovely responses. You're all very helpful and wonderful people.

At first I was sure the psychologist misdiagnosed me after I read about BPD, because I don't fit every symptom (splitting and dissociation specifically). However, I do fit five of the nine criteria in the DSM. It wasn't until I watched this documentary on YouTube that I realized I do have it, the explanations fit me to a T. I couldn't finish the film, I was so overwhelmed.

What's upsetting me the most is all these sources for so-called "nons" saying that they should avoid those with BPD at all costs. I find this extremely hurtful and destructive for my esteem. I mean we're not that bad right? Maybe the worst cases are, but there's worst cases for everything. Also the fact that many psychiatrists won't see BPD patients... so difficult.

I guess I need to separate BPD from the individual... I am not BPD, but BPD is the explanation for my emotional problems. Sorry if I sound disorganized, the past couple months have been very confusing and fast for me since the diagnosis.

[tranquility84]

I struggle with self-hatred for many years. I read something on the four cornerstones of self yesterday and found it to be quite useful. Basically it speaks of the 4 aspects of being human, and how no one can take it from you no matter what happens:-

Beyond the Borderline Personality: Four Cornerstones of Self

The Four Cornerstones of Self

1.Facing, accepting, and ultimately celebrating your separateness as a person. We are, each of us, a wholly separate human being, whether we are in a relationship or have just ended one. We enter the world and depart from it on our own.
2.Celebrating the importance of your own existence. You are not more or less important than anyone else. Every person’s existence is important, and it is up to you to value and respect your own. Regardless of your age, attributes, or physical capacities, each person’s existence is important. Life is a fleeting, precious gift that must be realized in the moment.
3.Facing and accepting your reality. No matter how difficult things may be for you at this moment, it is the only reality you have. Remember that it is always changing and that you are the force that moves it forward. You may not have chosen the challenges you now face, and chances are you are not to blame for the things that have gone wrong. But the situation is yours to deal with. You can choose to rail against it, or you can make the best of it. The responsibility for owning it and c hanging it belongs to you.
4.Enhancing your capacity to love. I believe that most people use only about 5 percent of their capacity to love. Love is one of the most compelling powers we possess as human beings. You cannot control the love of another, but you can increase your own capacity to give and receive love and all the benefits that flow from it.

[Fuzzybear]

[lynn808]

This is a difficult to understand and hard to conquer because there seem to be many masks available for this disease. Our faces change constantly sometime every minute or more. Our thoughts vary as well.... Sometimes the people we rely on miss things that set us off...Sometime we get mad at the wrong things. or the wrong people. But we usually end up blaming ourself even if its not our fault. The ability to forgive ourselves and others is so critical here...especially to like the self...its a daily fight....welcome to our fight to wellness, hope you learn lots and fell better every day!!!

[Gingersnapsmom]

When I found out I was a BP I went into denial. I kept telling myself that I didn't have borderline personality because if i had it, i was not a "real" person. Having it would make me crap/flawed. I thought I could just "act differently" and then I would not be a borderline. In other words, I was devastated. BUT...as time went on, I realized that knowing what was wrong gave me the power to understand and try to help myself. I don't hate myself. I am this way because of my childhood environment--something I had NO control over. What I DO hate is the stigma of having a personality disorder or any kind of mental illness. I am sick to death of that. I keep my secret to myself. I have told just 2 people I have BPD and regretted it both times.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Gingersnapsmom

...I keep my secret to myself. I have told just 2 people I have BPD and regretted it both times.

I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I have some bad experiences with telling people I have BPD or they were a "professional" and already knew.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it's not only beneficial to yourself to talk about it, but sometimes it can help others.

BPD is supposedly genetic (and environment combined). So if that is true, either my mom or my dad has it too (and both were abused as children). Both my parents are "unstable" but neither have sought help. I "think" if one had to have BPD though, it would be my mom. I'm going off track again...

My nephew was diagnosed at an early age with ADHD. I never agreed. He's now 18, and has been told he has Bi-polar. I also don't agree. I actually think he has BPD. My sister, his mom, favored his older brother even still. I think my nephew is "acting out" to try to get some sort of attention. He's such a good loving kid when I'm around him. When he's at home, he's so angry. But no matter what his diagnosis actually is, by me being open about my mental health issues, he KNOWS he is at least accepted and loved by me. He is not alone, and never will be.

I hope one day you can find that acceptance from others...in one way or another.