[tranquility84]

I wonder if I am BPD. I am currently recovering from depression. It is when I start feeling better about myself, about life in general, that I wonder if I tend to just over-dramatize everything. You know, all the crying fits, the "i can't make it" grand speeches laced with snort and tears, the attempted suicide. Am I making light of my past, am I mocking myself? It's amazing, perception. How it blinds you in depression, and cruelly opens your eyes to the triviality of your apparent "distress" when suddenly you've gained insight and got ahold of yourself again. Hooray? No. Because I just feel stupid, and I feel like I've wasted my time agonizing over trivial matters and in the process screwed up quite a bit of my life. How is it that one can get so blind?

Do u guys get like this?

Originally Posted by tranquility84

I wonder if I am BPD. I am currently recovering from depression. It is when I start feeling better about myself, about life in general, that I wonder if I tend to just over-dramatize everything. You know, all the crying fits, the "i can't make it" grand speeches laced with snort and tears, the attempted suicide. Am I making light of my past, am I mocking myself? It's amazing, perception. How it blinds you in depression, and cruelly opens your eyes to the triviality of your apparent "distress" when suddenly you've gained insight and got ahold of yourself again. Hooray? No. Because I just feel stupid, and I feel like I've wasted my time agonizing over trivial matters and in the process screwed up quite a bit of my life. How is it that one can get so blind?

Do u guys get like this?

I am sure that there are more than a few that may get like this but keep in mind this in no way is a defintive statement as to whether you have bpd or not. The only way you can find that out is by talking to a doctor. What you've described can be simply from the depression itself. Without any more information than that, even a doctor couldn't make a diagnosis.

On another note, many of us look back on the challenges we face and sometimes wonder if we were just dramatizing it all. Don't feel bad, it's the nature of depression to paint everything with big strokes of black. it's not that you're being dramatic, it's that with depression comes drama.

Hope you feel better.

[tranquility84]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I am sure that there are more than a few that may get like this but keep in mind this in no way is a defintive statement as to whether you have bpd or not. The only way you can find that out is by talking to a doctor. What you've described can be simply from the depression itself. Without any more information than that, even a doctor couldn't make a diagnosis.

On another note, many of us look back on the challenges we face and sometimes wonder if we were just dramatizing it all. Don't feel bad, it's the nature of depression to paint everything with big strokes of black. it's not that you're being dramatic, it's that with depression comes drama.

Hope you feel better.

There are other more indicative symptoms too, like problems with identity/self esteem, mood instability, impulsivity/self destructive behaviour etc which my T is helping me with. I understand where you are coming from; will speak with my pdoc this Friday to get a proper diagnosis.

My feelings about my condition are very ambivalent - up and down. Tks for the reply; it helps

[River11]

Yes, sometimes I've looked back or had my husband show me and felt ridiculous, or shame and regret even at the drama I made for myself and/or him/us out of tiny matters.

Other times I know that the situation or incident would seem small to someone but the emotion I'm dealing with about it is huge and I can't readily change that emotion.
But recognising that I have this condition and learning about its machinations in me has meant that I don't assume that the situation is as dreadful/huge as my feelings are, so at least I can get myself to either wait and watch before acting on them and causing more pain and mess, or I can understand and maybe explain that I've been triggered or just got a "state" going on and that helps me/us to ride out the storm.

Don't know if that's of any interest or help, but just thought I'd add my response to your question. Hope your pdoc is helpful, and that you gain useful perspective.

[shezbut]

s4 put it very well.

My initial reaction to the title of this post: "I am NOT "making a drama" out of everything!! Several aspects of my life ARE very dramatic. There's a big difference!......" I firmly believe that.

[Maranara]

What I'd do if I was you is lots of study. Read what you can about BPD and it's effects and causes and talk to us. No, it won't completely answer the question, but if it all seems to fit, if you feel like you're at home and that you've found a group of people you can relate to, then there's a good possibility. I diagnosed myself a full year before it was official.

[tranquility84]

Originally Posted by Maranara

What I'd do if I was you is lots of study. Read what you can about BPD and it's effects and causes and talk to us. No, it won't completely answer the question, but if it all seems to fit, if you feel like you're at home and that you've found a group of people you can relate to, then there's a good possibility. I diagnosed myself a full year before it was official.

The pdoc didn't diagnose me; he told me my depression was work stress-related, and just to continue seeing my T. The problem is I go through quite extreme mood changes that also changes my personality; when I'm high I'm very sociable and euphoric, function very well at work, after a couple of months I would start sinking into self doubt and depression and that's when I can't cope n function and work. I have had 3 job changes over 3 years due to the ups and downs in mood/personality. I grew up quiet and introverted but for the past 3 years I have 'up' and extroverted periods lasting for 4to5months. He told me ppl change all the time and we need not confine ourselves to a fixed personality. He said mood changes could be due to my alcoholism in the past.
I understand that I rely on destructive coping mechanisms like spending/alcohol/cigarettes which aggravates the stress/depression further.
My thoughts are all over the place. I jus feel that it's not all due to stress. I mean, I know I have identity issues that I need to resolve n I need establish a core to anchor myself, which my T has brought up, and which can be resolved with therapy hopefully. I guess I just wanted a clear answer from him on what is wrong with me, and I didn't hear it from him.

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[Maranara]

Originally Posted by tranquility84

The pdoc didn't diagnose me; he told me my depression was work stress-related, and just to continue seeing my T. The problem is I go through quite extreme mood changes that also changes my personality; when I'm high I'm very sociable and euphoric, function very well at work, after a couple of months I would start sinking into self doubt and depression and that's when I can't cope n function and work. I have had 3 job changes over 3 years due to the ups and downs in mood/personality. I grew up quiet and introverted but for the past 3 years I have 'up' and extroverted periods lasting for 4to5months. He told me ppl change all the time and we need not confine ourselves to a fixed personality. He said mood changes could be due to my alcoholism in the past.
I understand that I rely on destructive coping mechanisms like spending/alcohol/cigarettes which aggravates the stress/depression further.
My thoughts are all over the place. I jus feel that it's not all due to stress. I mean, I know I have identity issues that I need to resolve n I need establish a core to anchor myself, which my T has brought up, and which can be resolved with therapy hopefully. I guess I just wanted a clear answer from him on what is wrong with me, and I didn't hear it from him.

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What you're describing may be bipolar. It is a mood disorder that is often confused with BPD. The major difference is duration. Someone with BPD can have extreme mood changes, but they are often fast and short in duration and almost always have a reason. Someone with BPD can literally go through two or three extreme changes in emotion in a matter of a minute or two. A tone of voice from someone, a facial expression, anything, is enough to provoke a change of emotion.

Bipolar, however, doesn't quite work that way. A strong mood or emotion can settle in for a month or better and even a fast changing bipolar generally keeps a particular mood for at least a day or two. The biggest difference between bipolar and BPD is that emotion change of bipolar doesn't always have a distinct reason. I am not an expert in bipolar, but it is something to look in to and do some research on.

[tranquility84]

The reason i think its bpd, and not bipolar, is because my mood changes tend to have distinct reasons- my depression tended to stem from perception of inadequacy and feelings of inadequacy at work leading to actual decline in work performance (along with other coping mechanisms like alcohol, smoking, bingeing and purging), leading to resignation and isolation at home, which fueled the depression. My euphoria tends to follow the depression, when I start feeling that life is worth living again, when I perceive a way out of the mess.

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[tranquility84]

I know that the constructive thing to do is to look ahead and continue therapy because it Is working; I feel better with therapy. I think I' jus feel like a failure for all the screw up over the years and the financial reliance and burden I've placed on my family. In a way I just want a diagnosis to have a peace of mind. Increasingly I feel like I brought it all upon myself and my family and I think this is keeping me awake at night and distracted in the day. I just want some peace.

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