[Sincarsia]

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. My therapist mentioned "valid" and "invalid" feelings. I understand the concept and I am even able to recognize a few times when I am feeling an "invalid" emotion, but I am lost at that point. I still feel those emotions of abandonment, anger, anxiety, and fear all too well despite my knowledge they are unfounded. What do I do with those emotions I know are "invalid"? I've tried suppressing them, but I find myself looking toward self harm or anger towards myself whenever I do. How do I fight off "invalid" emotions and how do I keep myself from falling down the rabbit hole in the process?

[Starling.]

I never find suppressing feelings helpful. What I find helps is to be able to sit with them and accept them and say to myself, "okay, so I may be feeling X at the moment, and it's okay to feel it but that doesn't make it fact." Sometimes it helps to be able to look at the evidence for feelings. I used to do that with anxiety - I would fill in those annoying CBT worksheets but it actually did help to set it all out like that.

Has your therapist made any suggestions?

[technigal]

I don't really think there is invalid emotions. The reasons behind the emotions could be invalid. My T is always telling me to find the fact behind the emotion. For example, I am mad at my husband and think he no longer loves me. Facts: he does love me and tells me so many times a day, he is supportive of me, he treats me with kindness and respect even when I do not always treat him the same way. My emotions are telling me one thing "I am mad and afraid that my husband will leave me" but when I use my logical brain I know that is not the truth. And just for clarification, I am not mad at my husband or afraid he is going to leave me, that is just the example I could think of at the moment. I hope that makes sense.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by Sincarsia

I was recently diagnosed with BPD. My therapist mentioned "valid" and "invalid" feelings. I understand the concept and I am even able to recognize a few times when I am feeling an "invalid" emotion, but I am lost at that point. I still feel those emotions of abandonment, anger, anxiety, and fear all too well despite my knowledge they are unfounded. What do I do with those emotions I know are "invalid"? I've tried suppressing them, but I find myself looking toward self harm or anger towards myself whenever I do. How do I fight off "invalid" emotions and how do I keep myself from falling down the rabbit hole in the process?

I don't know if any feeling is "invalid," I just don't agree woth the terminology. There is a thing at having feelings that that don't match the situation. But you're entitled to feel amy way you want to.

My beat advice is to first learn to spot when your emotions are starting to control you. Recognizing this break is important. At that point, you need to learn how to stop that. Distract yourself, call a friend, do something different. Journaling can also be a help.

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[Elektra_]

basically u talk to urself and rationalize what ur thinking. check for evidences that prove or invalidate what ur thinking... ex.: "he doesn like me caz he doesnt reply to my msgs (bit extreme)" what should u consider... is he busy? he can just have forgotten his cell.. he called last night so why would he change now?.. that sort of thing.. tc

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree with the others: I have never been told that feelings can be "invalid", "bad", "inappropriate", or "wrong". Thoughts are different. But all feelings are appropriate.

[beloiseau]

Maybe your T was talking about validating your emotions instead of invalidating them. I am a great invalidator of my emotions. For example: I should not be feeling this way, because my mother does not think I should. In that example, I would be invalidating my emotions (whether they are appropriate for the situation or not) by telling myself it is the wrong emotion to feel, when in reality, the emotion you feel is the right emotion for you (it might not be how others would respond).

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I generally think of them as irrational emotions rather than invalid. They're a real emotion but the thing I'm blaming for causing those emotions is quite often absurd.
That's not to say that there isn't a rational reason for you feeling abandoned etc, just that it usually isn't the person/situation you're dealing with right now.