[pgazz]

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I keep thinking about the same things over and over and over. I'm loosing my mind. I'm in such a dark place right now. I'm not sure if anyone knows nor do I wish to tell them. I put on such a fake persona while at home. I wish I had the strength to lift myself up out of this flipping disorder. Anger, sadness, depression, love, hate, black and white thinking, My brain is on overload but I can't tell her. I don't want to scare her away. But then again........ how much longer can I take this?

Thanks for listening

[facingdemons]

I'm sorry you're struggling. Do you have a doctor or therapist? I know that it's terrifying to tell people about this... you never know how someone is going to react... but remember that sometimes people surprise you. Not everyone runs away. For me, telling my boyfriend what I was going through has made us so much closer. I was sure he'd be freaked out and leave me, I was sure he'd write me off as being crazy, but he did nothing of the sort. He has stood by me, supported me, and talked me down off the ledges (so to speak).

I hope you can get some support, both here, and in real life.

[Maranara]

Try a little bit of meditation if you haven't already. You can go to www.dbtselfhelp.com, under the section "Instant Mindfulness" for some short, guided meditations. I would seriously work on mindfulness/meditation as though your life depends on it. It's nice to have a therapist or someone to help, but a friend or two will do in a pinch. The important thing is that you work hard. Mindfulness/meditation is not an instant fix...it's actually one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I also believe it's saved my life and my sanity a few times over. I can provide additonal resources if you'd like. Just ask.

Originally Posted by pgazz

.... but I can't tell her. I don't want to scare her away. ...

Sorry for your pain. Truly I am.

You can not tell "her". I am assuming "her" refers to your wife or some very significant person in your life. So - let me ask you. As a guy - if your lady came to you and she was bruised-up. And she would not tell you who harmed her. Wouldn't you want to know. To help her. To protect her.

If she DID come to you. Vulnerable. Scared. Wouldn't that just make your heart melt. Wouldn't you feel almost like a super hero with the opportunity to protect her?? to save her.

Give her that same opportunity. She may love you far more than you realize.

Gods blessings to you both.

[pgazz]

Thank you all for your responses.

Like everyone, there is sooooo much more to my story I don't know where to start. My last bout with this was about 2 years ago and we almost split up. My wife felt like she was my mother instead of my wife. She was tired of being the cheerleader. So that is the reason I can not tell her how I truly feel. I have no friends to speak of for a shoulder to lean on. Even though I have health insurance I don't have the money for the copay.

There is more but right now I'm to tired and too burnt out.

Thanks again

[technigal]

Originally Posted by pgazz

Thank you all for your responses.

Like everyone, there is sooooo much more to my story I don't know where to start. My last bout with this was about 2 years ago and we almost split up. My wife felt like she was my mother instead of my wife. She was tired of being the cheerleader. So that is the reason I can not tell her how I truly feel. I have no friends to speak of for a shoulder to lean on. Even though I have health insurance I don't have the money for the copay.

There is more but right now I'm to tired and too burnt out.

Thanks again

So, use us. The people on here are very supportive. We are going through or have gone through the same things you are. I get you with not wanting to tell your wife, I often hide how bad things are from my husband. I don't want to be a burden on him. Guess what, he knows how bad it is without me telling him, I would be surprised if your wife did not have a clue of what is going on with you.

If you can't afford the copay then read all you can, go to DBT Self Help get the DBT skills workbook and work through things on your own. Things can get better.