[hawaii04]

I often get the feeling in my relationship that because I have BPD I have no valid thoughts that are accepted or accommodated as authentic. It seems it's always because of my feelings and emotions and that I bring things up that bother me, I am in the wrong and that it's all on me because of my 'problems.' Now, he doesn't come out and say this exactly, but argues defensively of things that I put on him (no matter how it is said or the topic) when indeed it may be his to own, but he won't own it very often at all. I am beginning to feel that my reactions and thoughts about things at times are being utilized an easy excuse for him to be dishonest as well. Perhaps my BPD is enabling his real personality/characteristics to be revealed? Sometimes I think I have admitted to too much as being my problem(s). . . I can't imagine that all of my perceptions and feelings are screwed up? Does anyone else understand and/or experience this?

[technigal]

I have experience this with one of my ex-friends. I dropped the friendship before my diagnosis but I was to blame for everything. She used to blame me for her issues with her ex I think it is easy for people to blame people with BPD then take personal responsibility.

[River11]

Yes, yes! I have certainly felt and experienced this!

It seemed that my struggles/pain/ concerns about relationship were regarded as invalid because I have BPD. There has been a long, sometimes patient, persisting for him to finally own some of what's his. And it's just beginning now that if I can manage myself enough to tell him that I've been "triggered", he can be more open to trying to be helpful instead of distancing himself cos to assert that he's "not responsible".

I, too, have suggested that perhaps the things I hurt about in our relationship are helping him to recognise where he needs to be more mindful and nurturing, etc.

Sometimes I've said that just because the extent of my emotional response and my lack of ability to regulate are exaggerated does not mean that the thing I'm responding to isn't wrong, or my pain not valid. Did that come out making sense??

[hawaii04]

River 11 ~ Yes, it came out making sense. Thank you. I know that at times I am 'attacking' and such, but I don't feel that being dishonest because I may not be very accepting of something is warranted. Nor that the other person is naturally off the hook of it all because they are a NON. I want to be treated like a human being, like everybody else. Just because I cannot always give adequately what I should, doesn't mean I shouldn't receive it; it is tough to live with, I know, yet I need a good example and support system. At times like these I really begin to question whether I really deserve that as it squashes me down to nothing and it hurts, I get angry . . . and it hurts some more.

[Maranara]

Yes.....I'm sorry...

[beloiseau]

Yes, I experience this with my mother.....I feel like I am the problem ALL the time.