Self Inflicted Punishments

Jan 16, 2014 at 08:14 PM

Any of you do self inflicted punishments? When I say that, I don't mean like cutting or self hitting. I mean when under extreme levels of stress that you feel is self created that you feel the need to be punished. Grounded, if you will.
In my case, my method of inflicting self punishment is food restriction. As in, I'm so bad that I don't deserve food for a few days.
NOTE: I don't have an eating disorder, and this behavior isn't an attempt on my own life. I do still drink water and take other life sustaining measures.
So, anyone else do this? or am I the only one.
For those of you that are familiar with my situation, things have just gotten a whole lot worse. I am one unhappy camper.

Espresso · Jan 16, 2014 at 08:29 PM

I sometimes stop eating and I guess it's kind of a form of punishment. I think "I don't deserve to eat" or something like that. I don't know if it's related to stress levels though.

beloiseau · Jan 16, 2014 at 08:44 PM

I do that too...I don't deserve to eat that good food, and I'll start to restrict. Not to any harmful level, but it is unhealthy. I do have an NOS eating disorder though, apparently. Or I will isolate from others as a form of punishment, feeling like I don't deserve to have fun, etc. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time, let me know if there is anything I can do.

whylie2me · Jan 16, 2014 at 08:48 PM

I believe this type of self infliction with fasting (not eating) gives you a release of affirmations as to what u are dealing with it is something like a offering to make it better, to pay your emotional guilt to something you have no control over no matter how passionate you feel about what's going on currently. I believe it is okay to indulge once in awhile in fasting because it humbles the soul.....but be careful a habit doesn't form..... or the thoughts of worthlessness forms. Remove yourself from whatever it is,or take it head on would be my way of dealing with it. Not telling you what to do just insight. I can tell you are a giver and not a taker though.

hawaii04 · Jan 16, 2014 at 09:33 PM

I find it difficult to give into buying, say, ice cream which I could live on. Because I don't feel like I should spend money on something I love and enjoy it. That goes for other things as well, like a new pair of jeans or what have you. Much of that is amplified because I'm not working right now, but I always have those tendencies.

technigal · Jan 16, 2014 at 10:04 PM

I am like Kathy about buying things I need, stuff for me always gets put off until there is no choice.

Trippin2.0 · Jan 17, 2014 at 12:12 AM

I deprive myself from food too... it was subconciously at first, but then I nearly fainted 1 afternoon and realized it was my third day without eating, just lived on coffee and cigarettes. That's when I started to question and assess my behaviour... no I don't have an ED either, but I do try my best to catch myself red handed now...

greentires4me · Jan 17, 2014 at 01:27 AM

when I used to be working I would only live on hard boiled eggs and energy drinks for 5 days straight thats when I noticed I had an egg allergy. I stopped doing that. Then I lived off of salad only 3 meals a day I noticed I felt sluggish and not motivation its pretty hard working and you had to feed 125ppl in 2 1/2 hours yourself...and staff barking down at you.

now I just bite my nails down to nothing and wait until they bleed then suck on them to taste the blood. You think I would stop but 3hours later I go back to the same finger and chomp on it again. Or pull my eyelashes out until I am in tears because it hurts so much.

beloiseau · Jan 17, 2014 at 08:17 AM

I deprive myself of buying things I need too, I didn't think of that one.

LoneWolfie · Jan 17, 2014 at 10:20 AM

I don't think I do it to ground myself but to just punish myself that I am not deserving to live and skip meds for my type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure.

I also eat once a day sometimes and this is a definite no no with diabetes but I don't think of the consciensequences, my pdoc says that while I am not hurting myself right now I am in the future.

Happy Camper · Jan 17, 2014 at 04:03 PM

I punish myself by not eating or sleeping, sometimes I get myself thrown into inpatient and made sick by meds, but won't tell them to stop.

I'm sorry you're not a happy camper.

Jan 18, 2014 at 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whylie2me

I believe this type of self infliction with fasting (not eating) gives you a release of affirmations as to what u are dealing with it is something like a offering to make it better, to pay your emotional guilt to something you have no control over no matter how passionate you feel about what's going on currently. I believe it is okay to indulge once in awhile in fasting because it humbles the soul.....but be careful a habit doesn't form..... or the thoughts of worthlessness forms. Remove yourself from whatever it is,or take it head on would be my way of dealing with it. Not telling you what to do just insight. I can tell you are a giver and not a taker though.

Hi, and welcome to PC. I see you're new here.
The most recent fast episode ended today after nearly two days. and it ended because some of the stressers that was causing the guilt were lessened a bit. I think you are absolutely right in what you said.
and sometimes I give too much to others, or myself too much grief and hardache.

Jan 18, 2014 at 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greentires4me

when I used to be working I would only live on hard boiled eggs and energy drinks for 5 days straight thats when I noticed I had an egg allergy. I stopped doing that. Then I lived off of salad only 3 meals a day I noticed I felt sluggish and not motivation its pretty hard working and you had to feed 125ppl in 2 1/2 hours yourself...and staff barking down at you.

now I just bite my nails down to nothing and wait until they bleed then suck on them to taste the blood. You think I would stop but 3hours later I go back to the same finger and chomp on it again. Or pull my eyelashes out until I am in tears because it hurts so much.

I'll pick at scabs or bug bites relentlessly. I can't help it. My old DBT T said it was just a feature of the BPD. I also used to pick things a part really badly.

Angel of Bedlam · Jan 18, 2014 at 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hawaii04

I find it difficult to give into buying, say, ice cream which I could live on. Because I don't feel like I should spend money on something I love and enjoy it. That goes for other things as well, like a new pair of jeans or what have you. Much of that is amplified because I'm not working right now, but I always have those tendencies.

This is what I do. Especially with clothing. I don't deserve to look nice. That's always my thought process.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Side of the Angels · Jan 18, 2014 at 01:32 PM

omg I JUST noticed I feel this way around summer time. I had accused my husband of cheating and he had not been and I was so ashamed of myself all I could think of was how bad I was and I needed to be punished, humiliated, treated badly. So I started scratching my breasts as hard as I could during sex, and making him choke me. I wanted to be totally degraded and humiliated because I was so ashamed. Or I get really irritated or angry and twist my arm skin till it bruises. The other day I was so frustrated I decided to punish myself by putting a BUNCH of hot sauce on my food so my mouth would burn. I do it all the time...

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Espresso Poohbah Member Since Dec 2013 Location: United States Posts: 1,432 10 368 hugs given	Jan 16, 2014 at 08:29 PM #2 I sometimes stop eating and I guess it's kind of a form of punishment. I think "I don't deserve to eat" or something like that. I don't know if it's related to stress levels though.
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hawaii04 Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: WI Posts: 297 10 422 hugs given	Jan 16, 2014 at 09:33 PM #5 I find it difficult to give into buying, say, ice cream which I could live on. Because I don't feel like I should spend money on something I love and enjoy it. That goes for other things as well, like a new pair of jeans or what have you. Much of that is amplified because I'm not working right now, but I always have those tendencies. __________________ Kathy
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technigal Grand Poohbah Member Since Sep 2013 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 1,625 10 829 hugs given	Jan 16, 2014 at 10:04 PM #6 I am like Kathy about buying things I need, stuff for me always gets put off until there is no choice. __________________ Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013
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beloiseau Veteran Member Member Since Aug 2013 Location: Pennsylvania, USA Posts: 550 10 332 hugs given	Jan 17, 2014 at 08:17 AM #9 I deprive myself of buying things I need too, I didn't think of that one. __________________ I am not this hair, I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within. Prozac 40mg, Neurontin 400 mg TID, Remeron 45mg depression, anxiety, borderline, social phobia, ed nos, self injury.
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LoneWolfie Member Member Since Nov 2011 Location: Kingston Ontario Posts: 430 12 90 hugs given	Jan 17, 2014 at 10:20 AM #10 I don't think I do it to ground myself but to just punish myself that I am not deserving to live and skip meds for my type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. I also eat once a day sometimes and this is a definite no no with diabetes but I don't think of the consciensequences, my pdoc says that while I am not hurting myself right now I am in the future.
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Happy Camper Member Member Since Sep 2012 Location: usa Posts: 328 11 102 hugs given	Jan 17, 2014 at 04:03 PM #11 I punish myself by not eating or sleeping, sometimes I get myself thrown into inpatient and made sick by meds, but won't tell them to stop. I'm sorry you're not a happy camper.
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