[live2ski66]

Hi, I'm a new member, been reading some of the posts. I was diagnosed with cyclothymia, then depression, followed by BPII and BPD. My favorite doc who unfortunately retired, used terminology found in BPD treatment to treat my BPII. I discovered DBT maybe nine years ago, he agreed that it was a good therapy method for me. The most effective part was the "distraction list" as I call it. A list of activities I can choose to self soothe and to "turn the loud volume static in my brain lower". My biggest challenge is this paralyzing feeling I get after I start spiraling down (courtesy of the Queen ***** my mother this time). First, I can't crawl out of bed, it doesn't matter how much sleep I've gotten. I may wake up, check email feed my kitty and go back to bed. My passion "used to be" skiing. I live across the road from a world class resort. All I have to do is walk out my door, catch a 5-min shuttle and I'm in the lift line. We've had beautiful blue bird days for the past two weeks and all I can manage is sit on my couch, turn on the TV for background noise and stare at the runs think about skiing. By 3pm I tell myself "oh well, I'll do it tomorrow for sure". I'm supposed to be out of my place by Feb 1st and I've yet to pack a box. I visualize myself packing boxes, moving them to storage but all I manage to do is remain paralyzed without packing one shoe. The same thing happened the last time I had to move. I put my cat and my "priceless items" in my car, gave the moving company the keys to my places and left. My place was a battle zone, like now, the poor movers had to scrounge for boxes to complete my move. What should have been a 4-hr event became an 8-9-hr ordeal. All I want to do is disappear, travel to Europe, and spend time learning history (one of my passions). I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing this. Any ideas on how to move past the paralysis? Here is the sad thing, after 3-yrs of working on my stuff, I was actually feeling good and looking towards the future. In December 2013 the Queen ***** decided to block my access to the inheritance my Dad left me because she is a vindictive ***** and can't stand it when I'm strong and happy. My inheritance is my disability insurance. This was followed by losing my dream job teaching little kids how to ski because I had a handful of annoying parents who don't listen to the professional about their child's abilities on skis complain to management that I'm holding their kids back. They collect a full refund to try again the following day. Around the same time I misspelled my landlord's last on the bank's quick transfer so my rent was late, we had an argument because he believed it was purposeful and he refused to give me any leeway. We both agreed it would be best for me to move. Oh, and my current therapist moved to a different state and is giving up her CO license. It's a good thing I've experience variations of this before or I would be writing from my 1st class ticket to London.