[bmlbpd]

Hey everyone.

I'm new here, but I've read a number of the threads and think this could be a good place for me to share and get some input.

Some background: I am in my twenties and have had a history of depression since age four. At twelve, I turned a corner and began engaging in self-destructive behaviour. It was at this time that I was first prescribed antidepressants, which over a period of six years would vary. Some of the medications I was prescribed were Prozac, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Seroquel, and finally Lithium, which I took for the longest period of time compared to other meds. To sum things up, I was diagnosed with BDP at fourteen or fifteen, was hospitalized once, had difficulties with alcohol abuse, had weekly CBT... I have been told that I have ODD and SAD as well. I've had a difficult family life, was a victim of abuse and have a history of mental illness and substance abuse in my family.

When I was about eighteen, I felt good and decided to take myself of Lithium. It was around this time that I stopped going to weekly CBT as the program I was in was for minors only. I have coped well for the last few years, but the last couple of months have been extremely difficult. I keep thinking that I can get through this myself but I am beginning to realize that perhaps I can't pull myself out of this alone and may need to visit my GP for a referral.

I realize that this has been more or less a rant up until now, but I'm wondering... have any of you had an extended "good spell" before? I have not read about anyone with BPD who has experienced, like me, a few years of actually being happy and symptom-free without medication or therapy, only for it to return.

This has really taken me by surprise and feels rather crushing, especially because I have been so good for so long. For the several years, I have a healthy relationship and am employed full-time in a professional job that I like. Lately, I have had paranoid thoughts and confused feelings (go away / don't leave me) about my relationship, I have had incredible difficulty getting out of bed, my personal hygiene has deteriorated, I have been binge drinking, I have had thoughts of self-harm... All of this seemingly out of nowhere. I cannot think of anything that has triggered this behaviour to recur.

Thanks to all for sharing and for your support.

[UnderTheRose]

Originally Posted by bmlbpd

Hey everyone.


I have had incredible difficulty getting out of bed, my personal hygiene has deteriorated, I have been binge drinking, I have had thoughts of self-harm... All of this seemingly out of nowhere. I cannot think of anything that has triggered this behaviour to recur.

I'm there too.
Ive crashed so bad. My psych who diagnosed BPD this past year (i was diagnosed with it also when i was about 20, im 42 now) says now that I am bipolar2, which is his way of explaining my better periods of time when im not depressed and my horrible periods of time like right now.

I also have been previously diagnosed with ADD, as the symptoms are very similar to BPD really- with emotional dysregulation being a big factor in both.
If these things come out of nowhwere and are not in fact a reaction to an real or perceived stimuli, then often a doctor will bring up Bipolar.

I would talk to someone.
You were on lots of meds for someone so young, those meds not normally recommended for anyone under 18, and that alone could have made your life more difficult. (I swear that although Paxil was great for me, the first year I was on Prozac ruined my brain for life, lol)
You could be suffering from depression, and depression does cause us to turn towards substances to numb ourselves, block out, and sooth... then again, so can BPD, and BiPolar and even adult ADD (was reading an article which suggests ADHD -with or without the hyper activity - and BPD may be a subset of the same disorder) --
point is, at some point labels do not matter.
Feeling good does.
Get help with what you are feeling right now, without trying to figure out where this is coming from, to avoid any future harm to yourself.
Just extend some compassion to yourself, and a hug, and see if you can get some assistance from a doctor.
Im doing the same on wednesday - im totally falling apart
(((hugs)))

[Maranara]

I had a lot of problems in my teens and early twenties and then decided not to have any more friends. I pushed people away vehemently, and was able to cope, fairly well most of the time, for over twenty years. Two years ago, I made a friend, the first in forever, and everything came crashing down. I was put back to square one. So I guess your answer is yes. For a very long extended period of time I was fine. I personally believe that age has little to do with BPD as circumstances. If our circumstances allow us to function well, we do. When other things come in to play, we revert. Also, according to the DSM, it is very common for people with BPD to go for extended periods of time with little difficulty and then have a relapse or revert.