[Verity81]

Does anyone else get this feeling? Is that part of the identity problems of BPD?

I get it with my family as well as with my inlaws. They include me in things but I still feel like the one on the outside emotionally.



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[IDoNotExist]

Yes, hence my username.

[beloiseau]

YES. I feel like there is a piece of plastic wrap between me and all of my relationships. There is something keeping me from quite belonging and being completely intimate.

[BarelyMakingIt]

Yes, I do stay in contact with my family though but I still don't really have a close connection to them and I don't really have any close friends at the moment or a social life. It's pretty much just me and my kids.

[Shadow_wolf500]

Always every day here there and everywheres it's a constant even buying gum at the store. My thing is WHY do we feel this way?

[technigal]

Yes. The worst is my MIL, I really do not exist in her books. Everything that my son does comes from her side of the family, yet my son is my mini-me. One example is my husband hates reading, my son and I are huge readers but my son gets his love of reading from my husband... I have gotten to the point I no longer argue about it.

[Fuzzybear]

Yes.... Constantly

[weedypete]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Does anyone else get this feeling? Is that part of the identity problems of BPD?

I get it with my family as well as with my inlaws. They include me in things but I still feel like the one on the outside emotionally.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have had this feeling since I was a small child. I found out that my perception was screwed up.

[lynn808]

I feel this way every minute of every day of every year and every decade of my life..... I don't know how to make it stop...don't know why it wont go away...don't have the answer to why it happens....it is a constant feeling of unease with myself and the hating of me every day....hope it will let up or eventually go away...always hopeful.....but then again...always wondering...

[Unrigged64072835]

I feel this way all the time. It's doubly hard since I have BPD and normally introverted to begin with, so I have very few friends. The only people I feel close to are my husband and kid.

[zombie paloma]

Yes, I feel it most circles. It makes me not want to interact and then I feel lonely which perpetuates the cycle.

I feel like this in a lot of situations. I try and I feel am still a outsider. It's like once they get to know me they see the vulnerability and prey on it ....

[Verity81]

Its so silly, I'm watching telly (just sitcoms) and thinking I'm not like them, they are normal and I am not. They are not even real!

I really don't want to be me anymore.

Originally Posted by Verity81

Its so silly, I'm watching telly (just sitcoms) and thinking I'm not like them, they are normal and I am not. They are not even real!

I really don't want to be me anymore.

Yip I also know that feeling!!! Xxx

[live2ski66]

Sometimes. Not so often with the outlaws, mom and dad. Sometimes with the spouses (they have a hard time with the ex being in the family. Almost always, if not always with my biological family. Sometimes at work.

[Verity81]

I've started to feel that things are unreal, I think its the stress of the breakdown and the last few weeks. To be honest I wish things were unreal, like I will wake up and its all been a nightmare and my life really is like the sitcoms!

[Painting w/t Soul]

I often view it in a different light.

Why are you different or non normal in such a setting and is difference good/bad/neither? Depending on your view you will either enforce your own isolation/rejection or validate yourself.

From a personal perspective I have always felt that people are disingenuous or a mixture of some embraced socially accepted construct(call it social skills if you wish) and their true selves. Sort of why "normal" people seem to relate cause they all have a common construct. Genuineness however is only presented in a progression of acceptable levels in the norm, but is that how you truly wish to interact?Say the world was filled with people exactly like you but with different interests, would that be what interaction looked like?Would people bare their true selves completely in all interactions?

Seen from that point of view, you realize that you are different, but that the difference is neither good nor bad, but just you being as genuine to the real you as you possibly can.Maybe the difference is just your longing for the true interactions you need. Projecting glimmers of genuine interaction as subtext to an actual conversation, turning people into more than they are, rather than seeing the beauty of your own inner strength. Being able to be the genuine you without a need of pretense.

Only those who are not judgmental are truly able to be genuine, for to be able to realize your true self as a differentiated individual you need to accept others for doing the same.

[Verity81]

I must admit that its hard to be genuine when you see yourself as broken. I guess I am genuine in the sense that I feel what I feel and express it. Its also hard when you are very confused by emotions and thoughts and don't know what is real or healthy? I guess mindfulness can be used with this and I could try to think - well this is how I am feeling and thinking or acting now in this moment.

[Painting w/t Soul]

Hi Verity you aren't broken you are ok Be kind to yourself, your life is equally as valuable as anyone else's.

Choose what you wish to make a part of yourself as only you can define your self-image and security in it.

Lets say for discussion purposes, thought proceeds emotion.It was never that your thoughts were either real or unhealthy, but that which you allowed them to be populated with.I feel it is important to see that there are two influences: What you perceived as conversational input as well as the interpretation of the input.
For example, if you had an abusive past, any number of seemingly daily conversations could trigger a perceived conversation. Why would anyone leave an abuse victim an empty milk container next to the kettle?

-Do I want to see myself as an abuse victim for the rest of my life-own it and make it and the hurt apart of me for as long as I live?
-Do i need to control where this thought is going?Is my husband/wife a sadistic person?

Mindfulness needs to help not only those around us but ourselves as well. Are you happy with yourself or do you wish for change from a "broken" state?Even if you were perfect in controlling the latter thoughts, you would not feel any better about yourself.

Are we also being mindful of where the hurt is coming from, as I am sure my husband/wife is not a continuation of my abuse but stills keeps triggering...

If you allow me to use the analogy of my previous post: What if the construct we were taught was completely wrong and tainted.Every time you used it, it would actually harm you as you know it does not represent you and creates an incorrect view of you and others. The beauty is you have a choice, however difficult it may be, but you get to be who you want to be. Discard the construct if it is harming you and just be you-genuine.Be mindful of where to thoughts are coming from as well as what they are.

Personally I would rather just lovingly tease my husband/wife about the matter and show my affection, bypassing all the mental battles of reliving a past I don't associate with and trying to find truth between some impossible absolute views.That's just me.

In the end it was never the world that changes, but our interpretations as we are secure in who we now are and not who we were. Similarly in my previous post, why do i feel different in social encounters? Depending on how well you know your true self, it will change what difference means if you know where it is coming from. Rejection or self affirmation? They are often different sides of the same coin.You just need to look at the side that reflects who you are and realize that the you you were always looking for was already there.

I have often felt that the incorporation of generalizations as part of ourselves may be a root cause of personality problems.

Verity you are ok, no matter what.