[henrydavidtherobot]

I have a very unstable sense of self. It hard to establish good footing with my identity and personal goals because a) I'm young, b) the BPD, and c) I am bi polar, so one day I want to be a dynamo and another day I don't.

I have made tremendous progress with myself. I rarely drink anymore, which is really good because it really messes with my brain chemistry and I don't have the confidence for it. Last night, I drank and puked. It was just with a bunch of drunk friends and everyone is cool and I didn't do anything bad, but I have tremendous guilt and anxiety over any faux paus that I may have committed (I didn't black out or anything).

How do I learn to love myself for the progress that I am making and not beat myself up over any mistake? How do I trust that my friends love me regardless. Help!

[Junerain]

Can you treat yourself the way you would treat a true friend? Be gentle with yourself, maybe journal your thoughts and progresses, maybe join a support group? try dbsalliance.org for a support group near you. Sounds like you have made lots of headway, lots of progress. Pat yourself on the back!

[henrydavidtherobot]

I want to be kind to myself. I just get so insecure after being drunk. It's like, I made myself vulnerable and I am terrified. People can't even say something as simple as "you were really drunk" without filling me with shame and guilt.

[littlemiss1970]

It's good that you are trying to quit drinking. Yr right out only messes with yr brain Chem. Finding self love can be so hard but the key is proper meds and a good therapist. The best friends are the ones who are genuine. Keep away from the ones who only talk about themselves. They can make us constantly question ourselves. Do you have a good pdoc and therapist? I only have a handful of close friends and it helps keep me level headed. Take care of you. : )

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[technigal]

I wish I could tell you how to be gentle with yourself. I am 44 and still trying to learn that. I am hoping that through my therapy I will be able to learn to not hate myself. I have next to no self-esteem.

[Painting w/t Soul]

Hi Henrydavidtherobot Mind if I ask you a couple of questions as you would know yourself the best?- it might help with perspective

- You asked how to love yourself for the progress you are making and not beat yourself up over mistakes. Do you feel the progress you are making doesn't reflect who you genuinely are? Shouldn't progress and living within "the self" be self validating and what is a mistake if you are being yourself?

-Why wouldn't your friends love you? Are you perhaps implying something about yourself to yourself?

Your "self" is always ok , because it is the living embodiment of your very being- permanent validation. We often just lose our "self" and struggle to stay in it and hence why we might not feel ok.

If some of the older Psych teaching are to be believed, the "self" would be the closest embodiment of your ideal soul mate.We need to love ourselves first and our "self" is everything we hold dear in being human.Hence the soul mate fit.It is also often believed to be the primary reason we may long for a relationship, when we are actually longing to know our self and just be. Additionally the "self" may also be responsible for increased relationship break up hurt, if the relationship was based as a substitute to the self/projection. Something along the lines of only knowing who you are when in a relationship and the loss of self after a break up.

Hope this makes sense

[Unrigged64072835]

It does take some work to turn off the negative self-talk, but I finally did. Some of it is allowing myself permission to be human and make mistakes. Another part is separating my core self from my behavior. I may make mistakes, but I'm still a good person. Still another part was finding out where the self-talk was originally coming from and dealing with it. For me it was from my hyper-critical father, and I worked on that issue in therapy.

[henrydavidtherobot]

I have no idea what the source is, but I have always been a perfectionist. I cried for days when I lost my 4.0 due to an BA in my honors Arabic course.