[Mustkeepjob32]

Hi all,

So I still have a nursing job that I could get back if I just contact them. It is full-time in a city two hours away. If I could just handle it, it would pay for my meds, all my other bills, and leave me plenty of money for things I want. The thing is I'm deathly scared to go back to work there. I try to imagine myself doing it and I just don't think I can. It's the worst feeling.
My parents who live far away from me are going on a road trip next month and are coming by where I live and have offered to pick me up so I can go home with them and be around people who care for me. (I keep thinking, am I deluding myself to thinking that I will get better being close to family? Or will I be running away?)
My ex-partner, now my best friend, says he wants me to stay here. If I go he will have to find another place to live and it will be difficult for him. He says he will not talk to me anymore if I do go with my parents.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like there are a thousand options and only one option is the correct one. I would love to go back to work if I knew I could handle it. But I just think I would cave. I hate myself.

[Gingersnapsmom]

I can't offer any advice, but can only say that I can relate to your statement about there being a thousand options and only one is the right one. I don't think this is true--there are no right or wrong, just choices-- (for me, anyway) but I have so much difficulty making choices. One minute I am sure something is right and literally the next day I am absolutely certain it isn't. I am also scared to get a job where I have any kind of responsibility and so I sit with a crappy job and don't move forward. You must be very strong if you are a nurse. I was in nursing school last year for just a month and a half and left. Good luck and keep moving forward.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Ginger,

I so relate to having choices and decisions. I literally went between three decisions today back and forth back and forth.
I am not strong. Nursing school for me was 10 years ago and I don't know how I survived it. I know that I had a great support group at the time in school and that helped but at this point in my life there's no way I could do it. I'm broken in so many ways.

[BPD Ghost]

Have you made a list of pros & cons of the big choices?

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[beloiseau]

I think you need to put yourself first and really think about what is the best thing for you right now. I was just in a similar situation...I'm a nurse, and was on disability from a job that would provide me with everything I needed. But, right now, I can't handle that job. So I quit. Sometimes the hardest decisions are the right ones, but know that you're not alone.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Thanks to all for your comments. For right now, I've decided to not actively search for work or return to the work I had. I am very scared that this will mean that I will lose out on opportunities for work, but I guess I have no choice. I really am not capable to hold down a job at this point.

I'm planning on staying here and not going with my parents. I hope I start feeling better and stop having a million different decisions in one day.

[live2ski66]

Good luck on your decision.

[littlemiss44]

Originally Posted by Mustkeepjob32

Hi all,

So I still have a nursing job that I could get back if I just contact them. It is full-time in a city two hours away. If I could just handle it, it would pay for my meds, all my other bills, and leave me plenty of money for things I want. The thing is I'm deathly scared to go back to work there. I try to imagine myself doing it and I just don't think I can. It's the worst feeling.
My parents who live far away from me are going on a road trip next month and are coming by where I live and have offered to pick me up so I can go home with them and be around people who care for me. (I keep thinking, am I deluding myself to thinking that I will get better being close to family? Or will I be running away?)
My ex-partner, now my best friend, says he wants me to stay here. If I go he will have to find another place to live and it will be difficult for him. He says he will not talk to me anymore if I do go with my parents.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like there are a thousand options and only one option is the correct one. I would love to go back to work if I knew I could handle it. But I just think I would cave. I hate myself.

Hi hun
You are in such a hard place. Please don't hate yr self. That would only make things worse. I can't tell you what to do cause that is not my place but what i can do is offer up some ideas if.I had a lovng family who wanted to help take care of me I would really consider that. It wouldn't be forever and maybe that is what you need right.now. it sounds like you feel the other job is too much. Friends should be there fir you 100%. If you feel like the friendship is that important to you then you can consider staying. I'm trying really hard to not.offer advice in regards to him.I'm sorry.I just care even tho I don't know you. I hope I'm not over stepping my bounds. It just sounds like he is manipulative and that is not ok. I can understand the feelings of hating yr self cause I have too. But please.know that you are you...you are not yr illness. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all this. Feel free to msg.me.anytime. I'm just a click away.

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[Mustkeepjob32]

live2ski and littlemiss thank you so much for your messages.

My friend is a little manipulative but I understand where he's coming from. He's scared to be alone too. I don't know what to do. I will see my psychiatrist this week and tell her about this because living with non-stop depression and anxiety is not OK.
I'm just worried that going with my family won't solve any of my issues and I'll end up being MORE of a financial drain on them. I could not live with that.
Thanks for your kind messages.

[littlemiss44]

Ok good I'm glad you are going to see yr.pdoc.this.week. I never want to give advice here cause it is not my place. I however do see that hopefully if I share my experience strength and hope with you that it might help you somehow. I really like the option you have of that job that would help you get good mental health and support you financially. I do see that yr friend really loves you and doesn't want to lose you but it's important to always look at what's best for you hun. I think deep down you know the answers to yr dilemma. Just trust yr instincts. Please keep us posted ok? U take care of you

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[winter4me]

Originally Posted by Mustkeepjob32

live2ski and littlemiss thank you so much for your messages.

My friend is a little manipulative but I understand where he's coming from. He's scared to be alone too. I don't know what to do. I will see my psychiatrist this week and tell her about this because living with non-stop depression and anxiety is not OK.
I'm just worried that going with my family won't solve any of my issues and I'll end up being MORE of a financial drain on them. I could not live with that.
Thanks for your kind messages.

Good step. Let us know how it goes. As a nurse, and as a person, I can relate Very well to your reaction to the job vs...
If you can come to a place where it is OK if the job does not work out, I would take it for the financial reasons you mentioned; and, there is the possibility that you may find you CAN do it (if not indefinitely, for enough time to save up some money while continuing to look elsewhere for what you need)----My gut says your questioning the wisdom of returning to family is well founded. They mean well, it seems like a good way to get out of the problems for a while; but families carry their own "business" for better or worse. Good luck whatever you decide. (your friend may be frightened but will survive---and, if a friend, will talk to you again...) Let us know how it goes.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Thanks for your messages. I still don't know what I'm going to do. Last night I felt a little better emotionally and today it all fell to pieces. I just really am a mess.
Hopefully someday I'll feel better.