[ItGoesOn]

Hi guys! So I've been going to therapy for awhile because my GP thought I might have some anxiety related problems from all the panic attacks I've been having away at school but since seeing a therapist she believes the anxiety and some depression might be part of a bigger more underlying problem so I have to see a psychiatrist to deal with why she thinks might be BPD. I've always had a sort of emptiness I've felt with life but I thought that stemmed from depression. I'm very impulsive, sometimes in a bad way, with drinking, piercings, shopping, even promiscuous activities. These are mostly controllable but I have had some problems with pathological lying in the past and relationships where I tend to pull people in just to push them away once they start to get close to me. I was wondering what some of you felt your earliest symptoms have been and if you've been able to deal with them. I'm looking forward to working on a solution for my problems but I will admit I'm scared of having BPD not because there's anything wrong with it but because its a bigger problem than I had anticipated which would explain a lot of my behaviors. How do you guys deal with this and the unsureness you feel in life and relationships? What were some of y'alls symptoms or behaviors? Any help would be much appreciated thank you God Bless!!

[greentires4me]

- well i would spend copious amounts of money on booze or on shopping for people or myself
-I would lie like a rug
- I was in and out of jobs
- my relationships with family members are blah my dad I talk to, my sister not much of a relationship and my mom she is a controlling ******!!!!!
Thats probably like I am so much but other people don't understand when they meet my mom she is like lay dee dah.

[Verity81]

I had a very narcissistic critical and lying mother so my symptoms began quite early on in life. As a teenager I struggled with anxiety, rage and depressive feelings. I would run away from home, get hysterical when arguing with mum and go bat **** crazy thinking she was going to emotionally abandon me which she did on a regular basis anyway. I started self harming, breaking stuff, had suicidal urges and found life either overwhelming or meaningless.
I ended up in hospital and wasn't really given a diagnosis other than what was written on my care plan which was 'mood swings with aggressive outbursts'. I assumed I had depression and anxiety as I was given antidepressants by the GP.
Fast forward years later and my latest breakdown was when I ended up in hospital again after resuming self harm, getting hysterical, extreme moods and suicidal urges. I was then diagnosed with BPD. I was scared at first but after learning about DBT felt more relieved that maybe I could recover. It also answered a lot of questions for me about my feelings and behaviour.
Since starting DBT I am so glad I have been given the chance to learn the skills I should have learned but was not taught as a child. I'm married now and learning to deal with my insecurities, abandonment fears and overwhelming emotions. I have learned that I invalidate myself on a daily basis, basically taking over where mum left off. Its a struggle but I feel like for the first time in all my life I might have a chance to once and for all heal. Good luck and whether you are diagnosed with BPD or not, don't give up and you can still post here for support.