[misfit77]

I know part of BPD is the instability in relationships. My relationship with my boyfriend (we live together) is very difficult lately. Part of it is my depression being very bad lately (it is suspected I have BPD but I haven't been diagnosed yet). The other part is he drinks a lot and works a lot. We fight a lot lately.

The thing I am feeling with all this craziness is a "disconnected" feeling from him. I don't even know if I know how to describe. I just feel like there's a wall up between us and I don't know if it's my mind doing it. I don't feel I can talk to him. I just feel like he's just a mirage sometimes.

I am just wondering if anyone else feels like this ever with their partners?
Thanks
Misfit

[waggiedog]

Hi there. Just one question really ~ do you think you put up a kind of ''wall'' to stop you feeling hurt?? Or maybe there's a ''wall effect'' because he might leave and it will appear that you don't care?? Sorry if I'm way of the mark, but I'm BPD and feel like this a great deal of the time. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[waggiedog]

Sorry, that was two questions!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[misfit77]

Thanks waggiedog
I guess that's what I am wondering. Am I putting up a wall? Am I disconnecting from him because he's hurt me and I'm afraid he'll leave me?

At the same time, maybe I feel this way because our relationship is dying?

We have so little time together because of our schedules. We don't get to go on dates really anymore. We have no intimacy really other than when I kiss him goodby in the morning. I feel like all I do is annoy him. I don't even know why he loves me because he doesn't really tell me.

Maybe it's not me...maybe it's him. Maybe we've both checked out.

[beloiseau]

I feel like there is a wall up in all of my relationships. I'm not sure if I've done it, why I feel that way (currently working on it with my T lol), etc...but I feel like even if I'm physically or emotionally intimate with someone there is always a wall. I don't know if this will help or not.

Have you considered talking to him about how you feel?

[sparkles1]

Hi, I am new to the site,but I just wanted to say I always feel like there is a wall with every relationship I have. I think it could be the inability to trust. It is true for me. I have both depression and BPD.

[Blue_velvet09]

I am going through the same thing right now with my boyfriend. He's actually the first relationship I've been able to "open" up to however, I've hit a wall. Just out of no where I stopped feeling anything and I'm starting to push him away. But I think that's because he's very attached and that leaves me feeling almost smothered... But good luck on your situation, I've been like that in other relationships but that's when I knew it was coming to an end. However I hope everything will work out, I know they will hugs


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[Solo élysées]

I always feel like there are walls up in all my relationships. I find that in my case they are self imposed. I tend to let my stresses and worries project themselves and in a way become barriers between me and other people. I often feel like the things I've said or done or not done has made others angry or diss appointed in me and they are distancing themselves from me when in truth I'm the one distancing myself to protect myself from the imagined anger or disappointment. Hope that makes sense. In a situation like yours though there could be walls on both sides. Especially if you guys are fighting a lot lately. Try communicating your feelings more if you can. The only way I am actually capable of communicating my feelings to my significant other is in desperation when I think I'm about to lose him for good. But it seems to work to bring us closer for periods of time. Good luck. Hope things work.

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