[Britneigh]

I know there are gobs of websites out there describing what BPD is out there. I was diagnosed 3 years ago and dove headfirst into researching what it was and how to help myself. 3 years later (and no therapy) I'm still lost as day one and struggling with why I can't just make myself better.

So can someone just tell me what it is without the psychobabbly ******** because I'm sick of reading all of that. What is it to you? How do you help yourself? Is it an actual mental illness or is it like being an asshat and you can totally change it? What makes one more likely to get such issue I guess? Its all questions I can find online, but it's so overwhelming I'd prefer to hear from people who can understand where I am coming from not somebody who is looking at it from the outside and based off research and such. I want to know the real life facts about BPD, not just the bulleted lists on websites where you still feel like the biggest freak ever.

Most of all I am really trying to finally have a go at feeling better. My life is in a really good spot right now and I want to keep it that way. I know how easily I slip back into the vicious cycle of the self abuse etc.

[cboxpalace]

I'll try...

Originally Posted by Britneigh

What is it to you?

To me it's a traumatic event or events that occurred during childhood that affected our personality in a negative way. Basically we were placed in situations where we hadn't yet developed functional coping skills and dealt with problems the best we could, and those skills were dysfunctional and affect our personality to this day. It's what we know, and a personality is hard to change.

How do you help yourself?

try and detach and feel nothing. also, a dysfunctional way of coping because i can't figure out a functional way. I suspect this is partly because self image and lack of a consistent self.

Is it an actual mental illness or is it like being an asshat and you can totally change it?

actual mental illness because it a thought process, way of acting out that affects our life. Most people with bpd have secondary issues such as anxiety, major depression, bi polar, or ptsd or some combination.

What makes one more likely to get such issue I guess?

see above

There is a genetic component so I'm guessing most of us are probably hard wired towards a more sensitive nature but essentially from what I can tell most of us grew up in less than appropriate environments that didn't teach us how to properly express and control our emotions and so like cboxpalace said we learned our own coping mechanisms for the bad hands we were dealt.

Unfortunately when thrust out into the real world our coping mechanisms don't mesh so well with other people and so we need to learn all over again how to deal with things.

Basically, from my point of view emotionally we are still children, still trying to learn what most others learned earlier in life.

And that's how I think we help ourselves we try to identify our less than healthy attitudes and we learn how best to work with what we have.

[marmaduke]

BPD is thought to be genetic. A previous of mine partner was BPD though I didn't realize it at the time.
He had not had a good childhood, from what he told me I suspect his father was BPD and his mother NPD.
His childhood was OK as much of the time he was looked after by a much loved aunt.

He says he was happy and always smiling till he was about 30.
What happened at 30?
His mother and father emigrated to Australia to be soon joined by his eldest brother (the favorite child)

This is when he went into freefall, a huge sense of abandonment engulfed him and mental health problems came to the surface.

Once he'd caught her making out with a guy in their kitchen, he was horrified, and refused to have anything to do with this family friend. After a few weeks however his mother ordered him to be friendly and talk to this person, he was expected to act like nothing had happened.

His mother was not a good mother, but he loved her. (dunno why, but that's just me sorry)

I wonder, if he'd been adopted as a young baby how would he have been then?

He would have still been BPD, but I think with good 'normal' loving parents his PD would had been minimized and mostly controllable.

Nature loads the gun, and nurture pulls the trigger.

[Aventurine]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

What is it to you? How do you help yourself? Is it an actual mental illness or is it like being an asshat and you can totally change it? .

Its the way I am.. I try not to see it as such a bad thing.. just have to manage the symptoms. I also have major depression and suffer anxiety disorder to top it off.. I am so empty sometimes I think if I lay still enough my pilot light might just go out and I wont be here anymore..

Its a mental illness by diagnostic terms. and I am ok with that.. but on the other hand.. I try not to think that its is because something is inherently wrong with me...

How do I help myself..? stay alive and take one day at a time.. find precious moments that make me smile.. comedy is an amazing form of medication!

PS. Don't discount therapy...

[trying2survive]

in my opinion, it's definitely a mental illness and for me it explains why i do some of the things i do, i don't think that it helps that i have never been close to any of my family, so i guess i try to make up for it in my relationships and it ruins them everytime. the loneliness is unbearable so i put up with stupid things to avoid being alone. it's like a great weight that is seeping into every part of my life

[shezbut]

I agree a lot with most of what the other posters have said so far.

However, I would like to add that I have times that are okay ~ where I feel like a relatively "normal" human being (with major depression, Dissociative Disorder, NOS and PTSD anyway). But, then, I go through phases where I feel as though my world is falling apart & my mood is all over the place!

My latest rough patch began about 1 month ago, and every day has been a major struggle for me to get through. I am not like I was just a few months ago, and wish that I could be like that again! Some moments I am happy, and I feel good. Followed by a feeling of panic and utter chaos. Then comes self-hate. Etc. On and on this trend continues.