[Reneee]

I try to fill my day. Run with the dog, clean a bit, do stuff here and there. And nothing fills the void I feel, nothing soothes the anger I emanate. i throw pots, I scream, I started cutting again today.
My meds help a bit but I know therapy is important, and I'm just starting therapy on Monday after a brief hospitalisation (because of BPD).
I want to shop, spend all the money, I have no idea on what. I want, I desire, but I feel this... boredom. Tolstoy said that boredom is 'a desire for a desire', and I feel I have no real desire. The one I have is something I feel I am not fit to do. So vicious circle.
So thoughts of suicide. No idea if I had the guts. But thinking of it a lot.
DBT mentions this 'absolute acceptance' which I do not understand. A dust speckle drives me out of my mind. The blanket is to sharp.
I am so tired, I need someone to put a blanket around me, let me cry and give me drugs to feel better.
I'm so sad, at the bottom of it, empty and sad.
Ok enough.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Reneee

I try to fill my day. Run with the dog, clean a bit, do stuff here and there. And nothing fills the void I feel, nothing soothes the anger I emanate. i throw pots, I scream, I started cutting again today.
My meds help a bit but I know therapy is important, and I'm just starting therapy on Monday after a brief hospitalisation (because of BPD).
I want to shop, spend all the money, I have no idea on what. I want, I desire, but I feel this... boredom. Tolstoy said that boredom is 'a desire for a desire', and I feel I have no real desire. The one I have is something I feel I am not fit to do. So vicious circle.
So thoughts of suicide. No idea if I had the guts. But thinking of it a lot.
DBT mentions this 'absolute acceptance' which I do not understand. A dust speckle drives me out of my mind. The blanket is to sharp.
I am so tired, I need someone to put a blanket around me, let me cry and give me drugs to feel better.
I'm so sad, at the bottom of it, empty and sad.
Ok enough.

try to figure out thing things you really love to do and do them, sometimes keeping busy alone isn't nearly enough. if you're doing things but you don't really enjoy them they won't have the same effect, this morning when i woke up i felt so bad over the situation with my ex i told her i didn't know if i was going to make it, but i'm still here...the sun came out and is still shining, i'm alive and it feels good, i know its tough, real tough but hang in there you can do it!!

[widgets]

The emptiness is the hardest part... It's so vague, it's intense yet hard to explain...

I find fiction is the best thing to try and take your mind off it with. TV, books or films etc, takes you out of your mind and into somewhere else. Having the motivation to try and enjoy these things is hard but worth a go... I find when doing jobs you actually have more time to focus on you and it intensifies the emptiness so not always helpful...

[Reneee]

There's nothing I enjoy anymore, even TV shows or books. I'm burned out and I shouldn't have started this thread.

[Verity81]

Sorry you are feeling so bad my therapist has suggested fake it till you make it on occasion. So keep doing the things you used to enjoy as often the feelings follow the behaviour. Don't give up x

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