[samfire2014]

Hi there.

I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced many psychotic episodes with this disorder, or feelings of dissociation like you are outside of your body or a passenger in your own body who is not in control or even in the driver's seat? If so, is this common with BPD or is it symptomatic of another illness? I'm just wondering, because I've suffered episodes whereby they come over me all of a sudden and it's just like a compulsion to act and harm myself, sometimes for the release and other times with more sinister intent. It's very scary and afterwards I wonder what the hell I was thinking and I feel like s**t, and feel so ashamed and like a real crazy person. Anyway, I'm on medication to stabilise mood (Epiliim Chrono 500mg) and an anti-psychotic (quetiapine/seroquel - 125mg per day). I still feel like I'm going through a rollercoaster of emotions every single day, and it's torture. It can feel like there's no joy anymore, just effort and drudgery and hardship - sorry for the negativity, but even when I try to be positive, it's like something always comes along to test me to my limits, over and over again!!!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant and hopefully some of you will have something to add that will answer my questions.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by samfire2014

Hi there.

I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced many psychotic episodes with this disorder, or feelings of dissociation like you are outside of your body or a passenger in your own body who is not in control or even in the driver's seat? If so, is this common with BPD or is it symptomatic of another illness? I'm just wondering, because I've suffered episodes whereby they come over me all of a sudden and it's just like a compulsion to act and harm myself, sometimes for the release and other times with more sinister intent. It's very scary and afterwards I wonder what the hell I was thinking and I feel like s**t, and feel so ashamed and like a real crazy person. Anyway, I'm on medication to stabilise mood (Epiliim Chrono 500mg) and an anti-psychotic (quetiapine/seroquel - 125mg per day). I still feel like I'm going through a rollercoaster of emotions every single day, and it's torture. It can feel like there's no joy anymore, just effort and drudgery and hardship - sorry for the negativity, but even when I try to be positive, it's like something always comes along to test me to my limits, over and over again!!!!!

Thanks for listening to my rant and hopefully some of you will have something to add that will answer my questions.

i don't know if i have experienced any psychotic episodes, but i do have times when i get angry and throw and break things (usually when i'm alone, which is about always these days!) at times i will stare at the walls with a blank stare sometimes lost in thought other times not thinking at all, just looking ( don't know what i'm looking at, the wall i guess) my emotions go up and down like a teeter totter daily. these thing happen, it's going to take some effort all we can do is keep pushing and going forward. hope this helps

[aew14]

yes i have had many psychotic episodes..(they make it sound horrible lol) like all disorders, its a struggle everyday. im not gonna lie its hard to fight those feelings and thoughts you get. i have to use the "live day by day" or as some say "one day at a time" ya gotta push through till you make it through another day (i still have trouble)

[Withered-Rose79]

I've had a few psychotic episodes, but they were always in relation to an over-the-top fit of rage where I ended up hurting myself or someone else. I think I spend more time than not in a state of dissociation. Every day seems like I've lived it in a dream state and I can't remember a lot of details that happen in my day. I wish I knew how to snap back into reality.

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[JadeAmethyst]

Yes, in times of extended stress triggers I have had issues with dissociation, disembodied emotions that can't seem to be contained or restrained it's as if my body is a pieces of raw emotional ripped open wounds and woundings....very frightening and harmful. I am more aware now sooooo, staying in my body is a real challenge.
Wishing everyone who is suffering some kindness and warmth.

[Verity81]

Dissociation is common with BPD as is paranoia. I get the paranoia most when in crisis. My thinking gets very irrational. I start to believe I will die or my husband will die soon. I get terrible intrusive thoughts that terrible things will happen and think people are against me. My last episode I thought I could get pregnant from toilet seats and I was going to hell! It's very scary and I've often wondered if I'm experiencing a form of psychosis. It is something I'll be talking to a pdoc about soon.

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[atomicc]

Yes, I've experienced psychotic episodes. It sounds so odd to say that, but I guess it's what they are. I dissociate a lot but in times of great stress I dissociate so much I do all these crazy violent things to myself or throw fits and I don't remember being there when they happen. I have no memory of them. If that's what you're talking about!

[Aventurine]

Sometimes something just takes over my body.. and I am a willing follower, I do it.. but like...yes.. autopilot..

I have compulsions, but they are not me.. but I am present with them.

hard to articulate.. I don't do remote viewing.. but I feel like I am being "carried".