[doglover1979]

Tomorrow is my last DBT group. It's such a weird feeling.

The thing that is weirdest about it, is that I feel like my mental health journey over the past year feels like it is the greatest achievement of my life, but I can't share it out of the fear of being stigmatized.

I have done this amazing thing!

First, I deserve recognition for surviving as a wreck of a tortured, traumatized person for my entire life. I have debilitating comorbid disorders that I lived with by myself, undiagnosed and unmedicated, without asking for too much extra help. I managed to get to work and keep a roof over my head all by myself, while suffering tremendously. I have been very, very ill for a very long time.

Then I survived the breakdown that nearly killed me. I lost my job, a client list that took more than a decade to build, and all my friends. All at the same time, by absolutely no fault of my own. I made it out of that period of my life alive. What I went through might have made someone who is "normal" flip out. I did it despite major complications caused by preexisting conditions.

That period of my life is a blur of doctor's visits, emergency rooms, therapy visits, and hospitals. It turns out that I am a very complicated patient and no one knew how to best help me. I was evaluated for hospitalizations and then confusingly told to go home over and over. To top it off, for the first six weeks of the whole ordeal I had the worst form of medicaid possible, and even people who wanted to help me couldn't because I wasn't covered.

I rode it out until the day my state sponsored insurance kicked in. That very day I admitted myself to a DBT based partial hospital program for women. I was so sick that getting there on my own every day was a real concern. My brain was so beaten that I wasn't sure if I would be able to navigate public transportation. I couldn't drive.

I went to that hospital 5 days a week for six weeks. I left somewhat stabilized and had a couple of sessions with my new therapist under my belt. My doctor had decided she couldn't help me any more and referred me to a specialized office. I knew they did DBT, and I was liking the women's hospital program a lot, so I gave them a shot.

The session before joining the DBT group, my therapist very carefully explained to me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My therapist did such a good job soothing me while hitting me with this news that I didn't freak out until I got home. I laid in bed and cried. My problems suddenly felt as if they had shifted from chronic to terminal.

I kept it to myself for two weeks. Finally, after educating myself by going secretly to Barnes and Nobel to read books (the library had no books on my diagnosis), I told my live in boyfriend about my diagnosis. His reaction was kind, understanding and loving. He had been living the whole hellish ordeal with me. Nothing really surprised him anymore. He was just happy to see me improving, and really glad that my therapist and new medications were helping me.

I educated myself and started DBT. I was still unwell, and struggling a lot. Group was uncomfortable for me, but I liked the skills and I liked that my therapist was one of the leaders. Having her there made me feel safe and kept me going.

A year and some change later I am finishing DBT, and my life is very different than ever before. I' have gained so much understanding of myself. I still struggle at times but it is getting so much easier.

I just wish I could share my feeling of success with people. It's such a downer to think that now that I have done all this work and gotten so much better I can't share it with people because of stigma.

[live2ski66]

Great job! I'm in the middle of something similar. I checked myself into an intensive group talk therapy believing I had to talk before doing DBT. I had picked up the books a few years ago and I found them to work. The group leader told me I should do DBT as I already know all my triggers (years of therapy for the same problem, my mother). This sent me on a tail spin, not what I had planned. But in the two weeks since the recommendation I've warmed up to the idea of doing DBT first then talk therapy if I need it.

Good luck with DBT. I would like to hear about your continued success.

[eskielover]

Just wondering why can't you share it with anyone? I shared my 2 years of DBT with all the people I know. They are all new people in my life as I finally left my H 7 years ago & moved 2100 miles away to buy my farm in a place where I didn't know anyone. I met all these new people after I moved......& they didn't know my past but I shared the long work of the DBT....& our therapy group has what they call DBT "Next Step" with the same group leader but it's only 1 hour a week instead of the 2 1/2 hours of the actual DBT group that required 2 times through which took 2 years.

I also had my private psychologist at the same time so we could work on the details of the general things that came up in group.

There is nothing wrong with sharing the skills actually.....interesting because I have found the concepts of mindfulness in the Bible. I share thoughts on the skills when I talk with some of my other friends because in reality....the skills that DBT teaches are just common sense skills that should be taught to every person in high school IMO. They are basically skills that every parent should be able to teach their own children....but most haven't learned themselves but should have....it's no wonder this world is so messed up.

Nothing shameful about sharing perfectly valid skills that need to be commonly known by everyone. & some people who have the skills are the ones with less problems in their lives & are able to cope better with the world around them.

[shezbut]

First of all, congratulations to you!!

You have gone through a lot, physically and emotionally. You have also accomplished a lot, which IS something special to be proud of. There is a stigma attached to most emotional disorders (as well as their causes), yes, but that doesn't mean that you need to hide your achievement. Imo, only WE can educate the general public and start to break the barriers that hold us back. It takes some time, yes... and dedication, to open peoples minds.

Enjoy this time!! Set a strong positive achievement for your journal, photo album, and memory to look back upon.

I have been through DBT three separate times now. Each time, I am able to pick up on aspects that I didn't completely grasp before. One reason is that different parts of me mature at different speeds. There are several issues that have put me here. Some stopped years ago & others continue despite years of working against it. I hope that this makes sense to you.

Take care ~ and be proud!

HUGE congrats to you..... I am currently in my third rotation of DBT and so far - just modest progress.

Sounds like you worked very hard and you SHOULD be proud of your accomplishment.

[doglover1979]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

HUGE congrats to you..... I am currently in my third rotation of DBT and so far - just modest progress.

Sounds like you worked very hard and you SHOULD be proud of your accomplishment.

Thanks everybody!

My last group was good, even though I did my homework on the fly during group

Talking to my T today (my individual session is right after group) we approached the subject of BPD for the second time in the entire time we have been working together. She told me when she first diagnosed me and we haven't talked about it since.

When I said something in session about telling a family member that I have BPD, my T told me that I don't have it anymore. She considers me to be in remission!

Of course I still have BPII, PTSD and a recent diagnosis of ADD, but BPD is under control. For now anyway.

[Mustkeepjob32]

What a great accomplishment, finishing DBT. You did it! I have a DBT workbook, I need to get back to it...

[eskielover]

When I said something in session about telling a family member that I have BPD, my T told me that I don't have it anymore. She considers me to be in remission!

Of course I still have BPII, PTSD and a recent diagnosis of ADD, but BPD is under control. For now anyway.

The way our DBT group leader explains it is that with practice practice practice, new neuropathways are created to replace the old BPD ones (or what ever old neuropathways one has). Sure once in awhile twinges of the old show up....I laughed because our group leader is Italian (from Italy accent & all)....so I relate the DBT to her learning English....we learn new skills...but she still retains her Italian accent....so we retain little pieces of the old neuropathways....but with continual practice....we are able to move away from the old a lot more than one can leave their accent behind.

Sounds like you have enough other issues you are dealing with.....glad the DBT has given you the skills to control the BPD