[ItGoesOn]

So I have a HUGE problem with pathological lying! I've been trying to stop it for awhile but it is so hard and I know it probably has something to do with the BPD. Does anyone have any techniques to stop this toxic behavior, its already ruined relationships for me and I can only count on 1 hand the number of people I've been 100% honest with in my life which is sad. Please help me before this ruins my life any more!!! God Bless

[HD7970GHZ]

Hey ItGoeson,

I am sorry that you are feeling so strongly about this pathological lying issue...

I think the important thing to do right now - is pat yourself on the back for coming to see this in yourself. Denial is huge with liars. In saying this, I assume that you are truly a pathological liar - in which case - if you were to lie about such a thing - you could still indeed be a pathological liar.

(just messing with ya)

If I were you - I would consider how strongly you feel about changing the act of lying, whether it is pathological or not - it is a great starting point to seek change. Keep in mind that pathological liars rarely ever, if ever accept the idea that they lie in the first place. I am no expert - but I've been told that pathological liars are such good liars - that they can even lie to themselves. In fact; the reason why they can lie so easily to others - is because their self-induced lies, become fact: thus, to them - they are telling the truth. Kind of like self mind washing - in order to achieve a goal - usually it is to seek personal gains without much concern for the effects that achieving those goals may have on others...

In saying this - it could be easily misconstrued into being primarily associated with Narcissism, Antisocial personality disorders...

Now I don't like to concentrate much on the diagnosis end of things - as I'm sure you've discovered after reading my post on your other thread... However, I think that pathological lying is something that can occur in just about any mental illness. After-all, everyone does lie - whether they are white lies, black lies or grey lies. In light of this - it is important to remember that like any behavior; there is a level that obviously becomes detrimental to one's life, and to those whom the individual interacts with on a daily basis...

Right in the beginning of your post, you said:

"So I have a HUGE problem with pathological lying! I've been trying to stop it for awhile but it is so hard and I know it probably has something to do with the BPD."

First I would ask how you have come to see yourself as a pathological liar. Is it coming from an accumulation of ruined relationships, and the awareness of you being the common denominator? Is it coming from other people telling you what they think and feel about how you are in a relationship? Is it specific to any one thing? Is it from self reflection, journal ling?

The reason I ask is, sometimes I know with Borderline, I myself get extremely hyper vigilant, anxious and I tell myself that I am really a terrible person. I enter the black and white all or nothing thinking mode - and then I can truly come to believe something as horrible as I deserve to die. Perhaps you are becoming anxious and hyper vigilant and over analyzing your lies as being pathological lies. Remember - as much as we don't like to admit it - we all lie. Some of us lie to help benefit ourselves at the expense of others... Some of us lie to help others at the expense of ourselves, and some of us lie to make the best for both parties... It is important to reflect and identify which of those categories you fall into specifically if you are hoping to discover answers to your problems.


Then you say that you think it probably has to do something with the Borderline diagnosis...

In saying that - I would ask: Do you think that you primarily lie because of Borderline triggers. Such as: Abandonment, validation, trust, fear of being alone, relationships, loss, etc?

Reason I ask that is - if you can identify the, "WHY," you lie - it can lead you to better understand yourself - and that brings on a level of awareness that can truly prevent future happenstances from occurring - IF you choose to utilize the awareness in order to stop lying so much.

As far as tools go, it's a matter of getting over denial, accepting yourself, identifying the reason(s) as to why you lie, and learning to be yourself without acting on the impulse to lie. Because believe it or not - we are all capable of living the lives we live without lies.

The fact that you have only been 100% honest with a handful of people: I commend you on your ability to do even that! That is more than I have ever had. I would count my therapist as the one single person I am honest with - and I have never been 100% honest. Maybe 90% honest. Reason being - there are some things that others do not need to know. As much as I'd like to be 100% honest, I also realize the importance of setting boundaries with others in order to protect both myself and my therapist. This is such an important aspect to living in this world and interacting with others.

Perhaps being that you suspect Borderline is one of the culprits behind your lying - you could remind yourself of the importance of BOUNDARIES in your life. It is essential (at least to me) that we with Borderline set boundaries with everyone we know. (that goes for every human being) Perhaps you can tell 50% honesty to one friend, but you can tell your other friend 80% honesty. You can't possibly hope to tell everyone everything.

Let me ask you this; would you tell your best friend your most innermost secret? A lot of us would say, "Yeah, I have no problem with that, I've already told my best friend my secrets."

I guarantee that is false. I guarantee almost no one has shared their innermost secrets. Perhaps they even think they have - but the funny thing is - the more we learn to understand ourselves - the more we become aware of new and hidden secrets buried deep within our psyche.

What I mean is - does it make it a lie to hold something back from someone? No. It makes you self reliant and a good boundary setter.

If you lie to someone - is it a small trivial thing, or is it a large - potentially relationship breaking thing...

Ask yourself these things. I could ramble on and on and try to plant seeds in your head - but truly - I think I've said enough for now. I think you really need to discover for yourself - what you mean by saying you are a pathological liar. Once you have found that out - please share with us - and we can go from there.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hey ItGoeson,

I am sorry that you are feeling so strongly about this pathological lying issue...

I think the important thing to do right now - is pat yourself on the back for coming to see this in yourself. Denial is huge with liars. In saying this, I assume that you are truly a pathological liar - in which case - if you were to lie about such a thing - you could still indeed be a pathological liar.

(just messing with ya)

If I were you - I would consider how strongly you feel about changing the act of lying, whether it is pathological or not - it is a great starting point to seek change. Keep in mind that pathological liars rarely ever, if ever accept the idea that they lie in the first place. I am no expert - but I've been told that pathological liars are such good liars - that they can even lie to themselves. In fact; the reason why they can lie so easily to others - is because their self-induced lies, become fact: thus, to them - they are telling the truth. Kind of like self mind washing - in order to achieve a goal - usually it is to seek personal gains without much concern for the effects that achieving those goals may have on others...

In saying this - it could be easily misconstrued into being primarily associated with Narcissism, Antisocial personality disorders...

Now I don't like to concentrate much on the diagnosis end of things - as I'm sure you've discovered after reading my post on your other thread... However, I think that pathological lying is something that can occur in just about any mental illness. After-all, everyone does lie - whether they are white lies, black lies or grey lies. In light of this - it is important to remember that like any behavior; there is a level that obviously becomes detrimental to one's life, and to those whom the individual interacts with on a daily basis...

Right in the beginning of your post, you said:

"So I have a HUGE problem with pathological lying! I've been trying to stop it for awhile but it is so hard and I know it probably has something to do with the BPD."

First I would ask how you have come to see yourself as a pathological liar. Is it coming from an accumulation of ruined relationships, and the awareness of you being the common denominator? Is it coming from other people telling you what they think and feel about how you are in a relationship? Is it specific to any one thing? Is it from self reflection, journal ling?

The reason I ask is, sometimes I know with Borderline, I myself get extremely hyper vigilant, anxious and I tell myself that I am really a terrible person. I enter the black and white all or nothing thinking mode - and then I can truly come to believe something as horrible as I deserve to die. Perhaps you are becoming anxious and hyper vigilant and over analyzing your lies as being pathological lies. Remember - as much as we don't like to admit it - we all lie. Some of us lie to help benefit ourselves at the expense of others... Some of us lie to help others at the expense of ourselves, and some of us lie to make the best for both parties... It is important to reflect and identify which of those categories you fall into specifically if you are hoping to discover answers to your problems.


Then you say that you think it probably has to do something with the Borderline diagnosis...

In saying that - I would ask: Do you think that you primarily lie because of Borderline triggers. Such as: Abandonment, validation, trust, fear of being alone, relationships, loss, etc?

Reason I ask that is - if you can identify the, "WHY," you lie - it can lead you to better understand yourself - and that brings on a level of awareness that can truly prevent future happenstances from occurring - IF you choose to utilize the awareness in order to stop lying so much.

As far as tools go, it's a matter of getting over denial, accepting yourself, identifying the reason(s) as to why you lie, and learning to be yourself without acting on the impulse to lie. Because believe it or not - we are all capable of living the lives we live without lies.

The fact that you have only been 100% honest with a handful of people: I commend you on your ability to do even that! That is more than I have ever had. I would count my therapist as the one single person I am honest with - and I have never been 100% honest. Maybe 90% honest. Reason being - there are some things that others do not need to know. As much as I'd like to be 100% honest, I also realize the importance of setting boundaries with others in order to protect both myself and my therapist. This is such an important aspect to living in this world and interacting with others.

Perhaps being that you suspect Borderline is one of the culprits behind your lying - you could remind yourself of the importance of BOUNDARIES in your life. It is essential (at least to me) that we with Borderline set boundaries with everyone we know. (that goes for every human being) Perhaps you can tell 50% honesty to one friend, but you can tell your other friend 80% honesty. You can't possibly hope to tell everyone everything.

Let me ask you this; would you tell your best friend your most innermost secret? A lot of us would say, "Yeah, I have no problem with that, I've already told my best friend my secrets."

I guarantee that is false. I guarantee almost no one has shared their innermost secrets. Perhaps they even think they have - but the funny thing is - the more we learn to understand ourselves - the more we become aware of new and hidden secrets buried deep within our psyche.

What I mean is - does it make it a lie to hold something back from someone? No. It makes you self reliant and a good boundary setter.

If you lie to someone - is it a small trivial thing, or is it a large - potentially relationship breaking thing...

Ask yourself these things. I could ramble on and on and try to plant seeds in your head - but truly - I think I've said enough for now. I think you really need to discover for yourself - what you mean by saying you are a pathological liar. Once you have found that out - please share with us - and we can go from there.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

This was actually really helpful for me aswell!

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[ItGoesOn]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hey ItGoeson,

I am sorry that you are feeling so strongly about this pathological lying issue...

I think the important thing to do right now - is pat yourself on the back for coming to see this in yourself. Denial is huge with liars. In saying this, I assume that you are truly a pathological liar - in which case - if you were to lie about such a thing - you could still indeed be a pathological liar.

(just messing with ya)

If I were you - I would consider how strongly you feel about changing the act of lying, whether it is pathological or not - it is a great starting point to seek change. Keep in mind that pathological liars rarely ever, if ever accept the idea that they lie in the first place. I am no expert - but I've been told that pathological liars are such good liars - that they can even lie to themselves. In fact; the reason why they can lie so easily to others - is because their self-induced lies, become fact: thus, to them - they are telling the truth. Kind of like self mind washing - in order to achieve a goal - usually it is to seek personal gains without much concern for the effects that achieving those goals may have on others...

In saying this - it could be easily misconstrued into being primarily associated with Narcissism, Antisocial personality disorders...

Now I don't like to concentrate much on the diagnosis end of things - as I'm sure you've discovered after reading my post on your other thread... However, I think that pathological lying is something that can occur in just about any mental illness. After-all, everyone does lie - whether they are white lies, black lies or grey lies. In light of this - it is important to remember that like any behavior; there is a level that obviously becomes detrimental to one's life, and to those whom the individual interacts with on a daily basis...

Right in the beginning of your post, you said:

"So I have a HUGE problem with pathological lying! I've been trying to stop it for awhile but it is so hard and I know it probably has something to do with the BPD."

First I would ask how you have come to see yourself as a pathological liar. Is it coming from an accumulation of ruined relationships, and the awareness of you being the common denominator? Is it coming from other people telling you what they think and feel about how you are in a relationship? Is it specific to any one thing? Is it from self reflection, journal ling?

The reason I ask is, sometimes I know with Borderline, I myself get extremely hyper vigilant, anxious and I tell myself that I am really a terrible person. I enter the black and white all or nothing thinking mode - and then I can truly come to believe something as horrible as I deserve to die. Perhaps you are becoming anxious and hyper vigilant and over analyzing your lies as being pathological lies. Remember - as much as we don't like to admit it - we all lie. Some of us lie to help benefit ourselves at the expense of others... Some of us lie to help others at the expense of ourselves, and some of us lie to make the best for both parties... It is important to reflect and identify which of those categories you fall into specifically if you are hoping to discover answers to your problems.


Then you say that you think it probably has to do something with the Borderline diagnosis...

In saying that - I would ask: Do you think that you primarily lie because of Borderline triggers. Such as: Abandonment, validation, trust, fear of being alone, relationships, loss, etc?

Reason I ask that is - if you can identify the, "WHY," you lie - it can lead you to better understand yourself - and that brings on a level of awareness that can truly prevent future happenstances from occurring - IF you choose to utilize the awareness in order to stop lying so much.

As far as tools go, it's a matter of getting over denial, accepting yourself, identifying the reason(s) as to why you lie, and learning to be yourself without acting on the impulse to lie. Because believe it or not - we are all capable of living the lives we live without lies.

The fact that you have only been 100% honest with a handful of people: I commend you on your ability to do even that! That is more than I have ever had. I would count my therapist as the one single person I am honest with - and I have never been 100% honest. Maybe 90% honest. Reason being - there are some things that others do not need to know. As much as I'd like to be 100% honest, I also realize the importance of setting boundaries with others in order to protect both myself and my therapist. This is such an important aspect to living in this world and interacting with others.

Perhaps being that you suspect Borderline is one of the culprits behind your lying - you could remind yourself of the importance of BOUNDARIES in your life. It is essential (at least to me) that we with Borderline set boundaries with everyone we know. (that goes for every human being) Perhaps you can tell 50% honesty to one friend, but you can tell your other friend 80% honesty. You can't possibly hope to tell everyone everything.

Let me ask you this; would you tell your best friend your most innermost secret? A lot of us would say, "Yeah, I have no problem with that, I've already told my best friend my secrets."

I guarantee that is false. I guarantee almost no one has shared their innermost secrets. Perhaps they even think they have - but the funny thing is - the more we learn to understand ourselves - the more we become aware of new and hidden secrets buried deep within our psyche.

What I mean is - does it make it a lie to hold something back from someone? No. It makes you self reliant and a good boundary setter.

If you lie to someone - is it a small trivial thing, or is it a large - potentially relationship breaking thing...

Ask yourself these things. I could ramble on and on and try to plant seeds in your head - but truly - I think I've said enough for now. I think you really need to discover for yourself - what you mean by saying you are a pathological liar. Once you have found that out - please share with us - and we can go from there.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Wow that was solo unbelievably helpful thank you so much for helping me make a positive impact on my life and it means so much to be understood by others for once. Seriously THANK YOU!!!

[HD7970GHZ]

No worries.

Be kind to yourself.

thanks,
Hd7970ghz

[ChaoticMess19]

Wow... I appreciate that. I needed it more than you know!

[Trippin2.0]

I was a master liar in my teenaged years.

I regularly lied and manipulated situations to benefit me. Lying came so naturally I never had to even think on it, I even regularly made up lies for my friends to get them out of trouble... and no, it wasn't always petty, I once lied (and convinced 2 friends to do so as well) to avoid getting a criminal record too...

Then one day (idk when or why exactly) I decided fk it. I want people to like me because they want to, I want people to care or do things or give me things because they want to. Not because I make them believe that they want to... yes I was that good.

My method?

To simply tell the truth, even after lying.

"No mom I don't smoke weed, actually that's a bloody lie mom, I'm high right now. Sorry"

Yep, that's what I did, the shame of confessing made the truth come out more naturally.

Nowadays?

I'm honest to a fault. Lol, but that's BPD for ya, not much natural middleground for me to work with.

So while idk if this liar liar pants on fire gig was a gift of my BPD (although it served my BPD needs well) I do know that its not an issue for me at all these days. It was more of a well paying bad habit that I chose to break.