[BrokenNBeautiful]

I thought some people might like to write on here their feelings/experiences with bpd.

I believe personally that many of us pwbpd's are very creative and have a lot of talent for writing and expressing ourselves.

I don't have anything to write right now, but I thought I would start a thread to do writing on. Poetry or whatever.

Mods, if you think this is not appropriate, you may delete.

Respectfully,

Billi

Good idea for an actual thread. Shared a really depressing poem the other day.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by carmasia

Good idea for an actual thread. Shared a really depressing poem the other day.

you can share when you feel like it.

[cboxpalace]

**** it.. I'll be the first to post something for you. I'm recycling these from the poetry forum where I originally posted them.. Enjoy!!

Stoned Houses, Shattered Memories

I have a memory of this child who was happy, and
in this memory I had friends, and I knew what
It felt like to have friends.
I knew what it meant to like me,
and to be thankful I wasn’t that other kid.

Then somewhere along the way something happened.
I began to feel ignored, and no longer liked.
I was laughed at and called names.
It hurt to be told that I had no friends.
The house of stone in which I lived was no more.

I lost my memories and feelings of knowing what it meant to be happy.
To be the person I was thankful for being.
I don’t know what happened.
I don’t know what went wrong,
All I know is the happiness was gone.
I was lost somewhere along the way.

So, my memories changed.
They became hopeless, and filled with anger over the loss of my happiness..
To no longer even know what it meant to have a real friend.
I became frustrated not knowing how to get
back to the person I liked being.

That house of stone which was me, a place in my life that I liked, was now nothing more
than a stoned house, filled with shattered memories.

Useless!


Assumptions

What do you want me to do?
I did it!

You left, because of my impulsive anger,
and now the dynamics of us has changed.
These feelings that are associated with driving someone
away are not new to me.
Their the friends I don't want.

I'm not willing to give you an apology,
when I know what your answer will be.

I'm sorry!

Alone among company am I,
A solitary island in a vast, black ocean.*
How can one be among loved ones*
Yet feel so alone and detached from humanity?
It is an existence chosen for me long ago,
by Life's cruelty and harsh realities.
Things that no child should have to endure.*
I thought I'd conquered my demons.
Buried them to rot in the hell of my memories,
But I was wrong. *
They have returned with new life and vigor to leave me feeling helpless and vulnerable.

[cboxpalace]

Why am I the only one that seems to be using this...lol.. Anyways, thought I'd post this since it's getting decent reviews... I guess some background... I pretty much stopped writing around 2002, just didn't have anything really interesting to express, and probably some writers block. This was the first poem that I wrote in 2010, that got me back into writing... I like the simplicity of it.. Enjoy!!

Two


Two Lives Connect.
Two smiles are formed.
Two people are laughing.

Two days later there's.…

Two separate points of view.
Two jokes no longer understood.
Two people saying nothing more.
Two lives have become unconnected.

Two hours later there's....

Two roads going in separate directions.
Two goodbyes that are being said.
Two people are walking away.


©Me

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am kind of blocked, too.

Also feel self-conscious.

thanks. this thread got buried, I think. I had trouble finding it.

B.

Written 7/3......6 days after my abandonment

Isolated am I from the world.*
Looking through a lense from afar
No feelings, no emotions, no real sensations
Head in the clouds.
My eyes looking at the world and myself from the stratosphere.*
Unaware of much of my surroundings*
Nothing sinks in.
Will not remember much of today when tomorrow dawns.*
Fought this feeling.
Cried when I first felt the distance arise from the depths
But it is a saving grace, a lifesaver.*
If I can't feel, I can't cry
Can't scream in frustration.
Or fall in to the depths of despair
Most importantly, I won't suicide*
I won't lose total hope
I won't lose myself.*

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I feel so silly, making this thread and not writing on it!

But I do appreciate all this poetry. I can relate to it. Please don't ask me how.

And I guess making this thread was like putting a blank sheet of paper in front of me---when I do that, I can't write, when I am doing something else, there goes the poetry and the comedy and the ideas. And I drive poor Bruce and Andy crazy! LOL

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

The trash on the ground stared up at me

Mockingly

after I gazed at the moon

[XenaWarriorPrincess]

black moon, black sun
black clouds, black rose
back heart, caught on fire burning
screaming, nobody can hear
where am i, surround by people
but nobody is really here
why am i here

[irishclover]

This journey called life is bittersweet;
Filled with valleys and mountains with great peaks,
Twisting, winding roads and wide open spaces,
Shallow creeks and oceans vast and deep,
Hollow woods and dense forest,
to get lost in.

[irishclover]

My heart has been ripped from my body. That pain is a slow and agonizing pain. Tears flow from my eyes like a sprinkling rain. Finding my happiness is difficult given the circumstances, but I alone am in charge of seeking it.

[irishclover]

Touch me as only you are capable,
Wrap me in your safe secure arms.
Kiss me with your exquisite lips,
Make love to me with the powerfulness of your body.
Tease me into ecstasy.

[irishclover]

Final Destination
Two doors appear before me
There is no option of turning around
Panic and fear set in
The unknown is before me
No light to guide my path
My courage diminished
The choice of two doors haunting me
Where do the doors open to?
My future awaits me behind one of them
But to choose one…
Others gather to see my fate
Not as supporters
But as ridiculers
I stare and wait
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years
Passing while I hesitate
I stand alone with two doors
Time has passed
I fall to the ground frail and brittle
I lie before two doors
And fall asleep
Never to wake again…

i really like the poem about stone houses.

can really relate!

[XenaWarriorPrincess]

"stuck in a brick house
no windows, no doors
there is a fire outside, its spreading
its so warm in here, getting hard to breathe
the smoke is comming in threw a few cracks in the bricks
there is no way out
i scream and nobody hears me
its so hot, im burning
my heart beats fast
one last thought comes to mind
but its all to fast
stuck in the past
even during my last
breath"

[BrokenNBeautiful]

"Forever Love"

Oh, Anatoli

the wind keeps on blowing

the sun keeps on shining

the rain keeps on falling

the stars never go out.

That's what being in love with you is like, Anatoli.

Going on and on and on forever, forever love

without end in sight.

I fear this love will be with me as long as I live, until my last breath

as long as the wind blows

as long as the sun shines

as long as the rain falls

as long as the stars occupy the night sky.

I will love you forever love.

Carol E.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I'm not going to repeat myself, so I will just let you read my week's signature. That's my poem for tonight. It's more free form no rhyme or reason.

Signature below:

[mylifesmine]

I haven't really posted on anything like this before, but I thought I would give it a shot, seeing as I have nothing to lose.
I am a singer songwriter from Northampton, UK. I suffer with BPD among other disorders. I am currently having intense DBT therapy, but have had 3 hospital admissions in the last year. I wrote this song a month or two ago and thought I would share the lyrics on here. Here goes...

Dear Diary, I've run out of words to say,
that I'm sorry, that I let you down today.
My heart explodes,
onto the page unknown,
can't put my finger on what's going wrong,
what's going wrong?

Dear Diary, I don't know who I am,
but I'll carry on as long as I can.
But my mind is broke,
don't know if I can cope,
feeling so alone and out of control,
out of control.

I don't want to fall, stumble and crawl the rest of my life
and I don't want to cry, cuz that is weakness in your eyes.

Dear Diary, I promise I will try,
to keep fighting, and keep myself alive.
Though my soul is numb,
and I've come undone,
is this what I've become,
the forgotten one?
the forgotten one?

And I don't want to fall, stumble and crawl the rest of my life
and I don't want to cry, cuz that is weakness in your eyes.

Dear Diary, I think I'll end it there.
Thanks for listening and acting like you care.
The pain still hurts,
but I've felt worse,
so I'll try my best and soldier on,
soldier on.

If you are interested in listening to the song, I have a youtube channel under the name Lisa West, or mylifesmine3. I'd be grateful for any feedback. Take care everyone XX