[misfit77]

My husband tends to be pretty moody and he seems to be in a bad mood a good chunk of the time. He works a lot and we work different schedules, so we don't get a lot of time together and when we do he's often tired. When he's tired he's really grumpy. I find that this has greatly contributed to my bad moods and my recent "Crash" into depression that lead me to get diagnosed with BPD. Our relationship has been one with a lot of crazy fights, something I never had in previous relationships. Pretty much all of our fights though have been when he's been drinking. Sometimes he can be a mean drunk. I have been stupid in the past and gotten into it with him, even though I knew I should have walked away because I knew he was drunk. I have set up boundaries now in regards to that.

I am just sick of his moodiness. He always seems to be in a bad mood. It seems like he's always rolling his eyes at me or pissed off at me. I have talked to him about it and he says he's not mad at me or anything. He shows me very little affection and when I confronted him on that he just says that I don't show him any (not true). I have started to give up showing it to him because again, it just seems like I am annoying him if I go to hug him.

I know a big part of my misery is that the way he treats me, to me seems like he's not happy in our relationship. If he was happy he'd show me affection? He'd act a little happier...wouldn't he? I know I am moody and have my problems, but I don't take it out on him. There have been times I have wanted to yell at him for so many things, like not cleaning up, but I don't-and I am not passive aggressive about it. I don't act like a ***** and give him the silent treatment or something.

I just feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him. Funny, because isn't that the way it's supposed to be for him around me? I am the one with BPD?

Then I wonder if I am just crazy? Am I reading him wrong? Is my BPD causing me to see all these things? I really don't think so, but I worry that it is. It is a fear of abandonment. I am seeing things that make me think he doesn't really love me. But am I seeing what I want to see? Again, I don't think so, because he just doesn't show me any affection. I just feel like I am an inconvenience to him being in our apartment sometimes.

I don't know. Maybe this is how relationships get.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by misfit77

My husband tends to be pretty moody and he seems to be in a bad mood a good chunk of the time. He works a lot and we work different schedules, so we don't get a lot of time together and when we do he's often tired. When he's tired he's really grumpy. I find that this has greatly contributed to my bad moods and my recent "Crash" into depression that lead me to get diagnosed with BPD. Our relationship has been one with a lot of crazy fights, something I never had in previous relationships. Pretty much all of our fights though have been when he's been drinking. Sometimes he can be a mean drunk. I have been stupid in the past and gotten into it with him, even though I knew I should have walked away because I knew he was drunk. I have set up boundaries now in regards to that.

I am just sick of his moodiness. He always seems to be in a bad mood. It seems like he's always rolling his eyes at me or pissed off at me. I have talked to him about it and he says he's not mad at me or anything. He shows me very little affection and when I confronted him on that he just says that I don't show him any (not true). I have started to give up showing it to him because again, it just seems like I am annoying him if I go to hug him.

I know a big part of my misery is that the way he treats me, to me seems like he's not happy in our relationship. If he was happy he'd show me affection? He'd act a little happier...wouldn't he? I know I am moody and have my problems, but I don't take it out on him. There have been times I have wanted to yell at him for so many things, like not cleaning up, but I don't-and I am not passive aggressive about it. I don't act like a ***** and give him the silent treatment or something.

I just feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him. Funny, because isn't that the way it's supposed to be for him around me? I am the one with BPD?

Then I wonder if I am just crazy? Am I reading him wrong? Is my BPD causing me to see all these things? I really don't think so, but I worry that it is. It is a fear of abandonment. I am seeing things that make me think he doesn't really love me. But am I seeing what I want to see? Again, I don't think so, because he just doesn't show me any affection. I just feel like I am an inconvenience to him being in our apartment sometimes.

I don't know. Maybe this is how relationships get.

one thing is for certain, in it's current form you guy's relationship is not healthy and needs attention.

first off the drinking..why is he drinking, drinking is usually a symptom of a deeper problem..either within himself or the relationship. you guys may need to do some radical things to save this relationship.

IMHO the two different work shift is a very bad idea for a relationship, you need time together for the relationship to foster and grow, that's not happening..i fear you guys employment situation is putting a terrible strain on your relationship. is it not possible that you guys can work the same shift??
somehow you guys need to make that happen.

he also needs to cut down on those hours..he needs to make time for you
and you guys relationship..i do believe this is right at the root of the problem.
i also believe his grumpy moods are him "acting out" because he is not happy with his current situation in life, no body wants to be "worked to the bone"..perhaps this is his misery.

you are not crazy..you see these things because they are.
the BPD merely intensifies it.

you guys are not spending enough time together and when he does get home he is too tired to give you any attention..a bad situation. it needs to change if you want to fix this, no job is worth this misery you guys are suffering

hope this helps

[JadeAmethyst]

I agree with what "trying2survive" said above. You are very aware of how you are feeling! You know something isn't working both in terms of your needs/wants/desires.
He has his "stuff" to that only he can work on....

Take good care of you, health and well-being, as best you can, and in what ways that you can. Doesn't sound like either person is happy at this point.
It takes a lot of participation and if one is absent, the other must carry on.

Rolling eyes are mean!!!! That's just disrespectful. Know that he has his issues, that go beyond you, that he can address.

Take good care
Jade

[misfit77]

I'm just wondering when I will finally have enough. He said something snarky to me tonight and I flipped out and am now crying and all pathetic. This relationship is just dragging me down. But like a true BPD I'm too afraid to be alone.

[UnderTheRose]

Shift work bites.
And I'm not making excuses, but men are not often brought up being taught how to take ownership of their feelings.
My husband does shift work and its hell. It's hell on him, and my tirades and emotional rollercoaster rides don't help.
He is passive agressive and so of course says nothing about it until he's SO mad that it all comes out wrong, at the same time, a big mess.
It does sound like he's not happy, and you obviously aren't either.
Maybe you can sit down with him and say '
Hey, you know, I really love you - I know sometimes things get really rough for us, and I'm not sure if this is one of those times, but I'd like us to figure a way to get through it. Are you feeling okay in this relationship right now? Are you okay? ' -- sometimes acknowledging someone who is not used to being given the space to express himself (unless when drinking - which is often why people, male Or female drink.. it forces their barriers down) gives them the space they need to express themself in a more healthy manner... rather than waiting til both parties are SO mad or upset that everything comes out wrong.