Sick of people telling me to love myself.

I need a minute to vent here because if I directed this at the people I'm thinking of, it wouldn't be very nice since I know people have good intentions.

I'm a 25 year old woman with BPD. I sometimes split. It happens. I don't love myself enough. I know that. If I loved myself more, I'd be happier. I'd have healthier relationships. I wouldn't have BPD. I know. I know. I know.

"Learn to love yourself"

I'm ****ing trying, thank you!

The fact that I don't love myself enough is NOT a new concept to me. The fact that loving myself more will make me healthier is NOT a new concept to me. I try to love myself, I ****ing try to take care of myself, and you know what? I haven't really succeeded yet, because I don't have the right ****ing therapy or the right ****ing diagnosis or the right ****ing medication.

And nothing makes me feel MORE defective and MORE helpless than knowing that other people get better by 'working on loving themselves', and that that isn't enough for me.

I wish people understood that BPD isn't a choice!

Stop tellling me I don't love myself enough! I ****ing know that and it ****ing sucks!

it is funny how people can just spout off stupid things like "learn to love yourself"

ok, hold on let me go to the fridge and grab a bottle of learn to love myself and it'll be just fine...umm it's not that f*cking simple!

it just makes me want to just lose it when people do that
but then my life would be more messed up than it is now! LOL!

anyways just wanted to add my little 2 cents hee hee

I know just what you mean. I've been getting "stop being so hard on yourself" lately

Gee, wouldn't it be lovely if it was that simple ? Just flip a switch and you're normal ! I don't know people believe we can just change how we feel or internalize things. Just shows more awareness is necessary!

I understand your vent. I get "cheer up" or "you need to just get out and have some fun." I hate this. People just don't get it's not that easy. I would like to trade places with them for just a day and let them live in my shoes.

Yep....I get 'things will look different in the morning'....really? Which morning??? Every morning looks the ****ing same, thank you.....or did you mean 'mourning'????

Now that, I can understand. pffft

It's a daily fight. Some days you just don't feel like fighting.

Oops, I'm guilty of this myself sometimes. Of giving trite advice which isn't backed up with much, just out of habit or to be polite.

I try to be mindful of the difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy is "here, look at my scars, I've been there too". Sympathy is "Gee, things look pretty bad for you down there, cheer up" [as you walk away whistling].

Have to say I agree with all of you. And Harmacy you're right. These are just trite responses. The reason these comments p*ss me off is because, once again, I'm being blamed for my MH problems. "Oh, if you just love yourself more, everything would be fine," says the a**hole with the smug grin, like it's so f**king easy.

I'm going to ask the next person who asks me that if they love themselves and what does that even mean, because I've come to learn that not to many people really do, even the normals.

I get that. I get that a lot with "Just relax" or "just center yourself and live in the moment."

I loathe this statement. It's hard for me not to snap back at the person whether they would love themselves for being in constant turmoil that at best they can only learn to live with better all the while watching as it wrecks hell on their loved ones anyway.

I'm not here to love myself, I'm here to at least respect myself and maybe like some aspects further down the line. Telling me to love myself is like an acknowledgment of further abnormality - is the person saying it likely to repeat the same to someone they deem less 'troubled?' No.

Totally agree....and love your 'signature'...totally true. Read the whole thing! lol

ha ha "just relax" yeah!!

if it were only that easy...

I can relate to your words and emotions 100% porcelain_pain. While I am in my 40's, I have been trying hard to "get better" for more than 30 years. It is very frustrating and very depressing too! I would love to be healthy and live a decent life ~ I am trying SO hard.

Accepting and loving myself are insurmountable tasks to me. I am trying to stay centered in the moment, which can be a huge task in itself at times! Every now and then, I get my aim right...but it quickly falls out of focus. I also use my signature as a reminder to myself.

Group hugs ~ As you can see, many of us are relating to what has been said in this thread.

I really hate when people say "read a self help book"

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I do not think it's gigantically important to love yourself, but you have to accept yourself. You can't beat yourself up everytime you lose control of your emotions or you split. You need to accept it for who you are and learn to shrug it off to some degree. If you haven't gotten in to meditation, I'd seriously recommend it. One of the basic things you learn through meditation is when the thoughts come, you acknowledge them and you learn to let them go. I'm not saying it's easy...it's downright hard, but it's the only way I know to get the feelings and emotions under control enough to live your life without constantly feeling guilty and beating yourself up.