[atomicc]

I wrote this yesterday on my blog because I was having a horribly difficult time. I got some good feedback, so I'm wondering if you guys can relate?

Have you ever fought back tears so wrought with anger and resentment that they physically hurt your eyes? Do you sometimes feel like the pain inside you could burn down an entire city if you just let go for a moment?

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. That’s the best way I can describe it because when you have borderline personality disorder and you wake up on the wrong side of the bed that side is indisputable literal hell. Everything is skewed from the moment I open my eyes. I don’t see the world with anything but anger and hatred. Nothing looks right, it’s all a cleverly devised plot to make me rip the skin from my skull. The tiniest thing can set me into a whirlwind of revulsion. No, I’m actually lying when I say that, nothing happened at all.

My boyfriend said to me this morning that if I couldn't stop being so cranky he’d have to take me home. Some of you might that rude, but to me, I think it’s downright sweet. In actuality what he should have said is, “You’re being an absolutely crazy ***** for no reason so get yourself together or go home”. He’s right too, and I know he is. I know my contempt and my frustration are unwarranted and yet that doesn't make them feel any less real. A wise friend on here asked me the other day if I knew what she meant when she said she could not keep up with herself. Well here I am, unable to reel myself in. I think it’s worse when you’re cognizant of the irrationality of your thoughts and your emotions. When the anger seething through your brain is unfounded and you know that. It only reinforces the certainty that you are in no way in control of your self or your emotions.

I can’t help how I feel and I fear I never truly be able to. The feeling sickens me to no end.

[moodycow]

atomic I have felt like this for two days , my husband keeps asking what he has done wrong , i want to say ,you are breathing but i know this would be cruel , i am angry at the whole world for exsisting today !!!

[Jane102]

If you're willing to share, what's your blogs name?

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I wrote this yesterday on my blog because I was having a horribly difficult time. I got some good feedback, so I'm wondering if you guys can relate?

Have you ever fought back tears so wrought with anger and resentment that they physically hurt your eyes? Do you sometimes feel like the pain inside you could burn down an entire city if you just let go for a moment?

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. That’s the best way I can describe it because when you have borderline personality disorder and you wake up on the wrong side of the bed that side is indisputable literal hell. Everything is skewed from the moment I open my eyes. I don’t see the world with anything but anger and hatred. Nothing looks right, it’s all a cleverly devised plot to make me rip the skin from my skull. The tiniest thing can set me into a whirlwind of revulsion. No, I’m actually lying when I say that, nothing happened at all.

My boyfriend said to me this morning that if I couldn't stop being so cranky he’d have to take me home. Some of you might that rude, but to me, I think it’s downright sweet. In actuality what he should have said is, “You’re being an absolutely crazy ***** for no reason so get yourself together or go home”. He’s right too, and I know he is. I know my contempt and my frustration are unwarranted and yet that doesn't make them feel any less real. A wise friend on here asked me the other day if I knew what she meant when she said she could not keep up with herself. Well here I am, unable to reel myself in. I think it’s worse when you’re cognizant of the irrationality of your thoughts and your emotions. When the anger seething through your brain is unfounded and you know that. It only reinforces the certainty that you are in no way in control of your self or your emotions.

I can’t help how I feel and I fear I never truly be able to. The feeling sickens me to no end.

In response to the sentences in bold: I agree very much that when people know of their issues it's more difficult than being obliviously 'crazy' (forgive the word). I think the basis of DBT is that we can acknowledge our emotions but eventually exercise greater control in how to respond to them. I'm not a follower of DBT but for me the principle remains as it might do for you; i would rather struggle and fail at mastering my own difficulties then allow them to repeatedly overwhelm me. I'm aware of what a tiring fight it can be

It sounds like you have much going for you, i hope that through your own way of dealing with such difficulties you keep sight of that also. Thank you for posting.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by Jane102

If you're willing to share, what's your blogs name?

inconsistently yours

[henrydavidtherobot]

I don't experience a ton of anger with my BPD, but I can understand the inability to control emotions. Sometimes, I get so irritated with others for their inability to help me and come off as a salt queen. I'm happy that your bf is supportive and I know you're on the path for recovery

You're strong. You can do it.