I don't deserve anything...

I just undid my stitches. And cut even more. I want benzo and alcohol, I wanna **** myself up. I don't deserve to heal in any way. I'm not gonna kill myself no matter how much I want to cause that'd be a reward and I don't even deserve that. I wanna get out of this ****ing treatment center. It's dumb that they think they can help me. I'm a hopelese case and I can't drink or do drugs while I'm here. Except for on the weekends of course, but that's just not enough... I just wanna disappear....

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

I'm really sorry you are in such pain. You are wrong, you deserve so much more. You are not hopeless as long as you are one this earth there is always hope for you. You may not be ready heal and accept help right now but I hope in the future are able to accept the help you need.

sorry you are struggling so much.

and i can not tell you how much I wish our hospitals here (where I live) had internet access...... if they did - I would probably stay there.

I don't and I wont. I'm an awful person. Thank you though

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

It doesn't ahah, well, at least not wi-fi. I'm on my phone. I hate this place though. I hate their "it's going to be alright" and "I believe in you". I hate liars.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

Why do you think you are such an awful person? What is it you feel you have done? Or is it more about how you feel about your character traits?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

phone or computer - I do not care... at least you have access to the world. They do not allow phones here either..........

Good luck with the "rah-rah" staff. i doubt that they are liars. probably just too damn up-beat.

I'm jealous and clingy, a martyr, I threaten people with suicide and since I was abused as a child I did some pretty awful things back then that I feel horrible about. Also, I fail at everything I do. I wish I could stop being a whiny little ***** and get a hold of things but I just CAN'T which makes me feel pathetic...

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

I know just how you feel, and right now there is nothing that anyone here can say that will change how you feel. But know that we are here to listen to the rants and that we do understand. The people around you aren't liars, they care about you and for you, but you are not in a place where you can accept that at this moment. Try to cooperate with your treatment plan as much as you can. You might be surprised. Hugs.

all i can say is to hold on..it does get better.when i first came here i felt just like you do now, i was at the end of my rope, i seriously wanted to end it all.i have gotten so much support here that i feel a lot better i have a great T that really listens to me and helps me dig to the root of my problems.

drinking,drugs and all the other things that come along with it doesn't help..i already tried & i still felt like s***, what you really want is the same thing i wanted..a way out of the pain. take some time for you..to work on you, i was wrapped up in my s/o just like you are..i know how hard it is but let them go...i didn't think i could do it, but i had to so i could start healing and getting better, no matter how much we try we cannot change what other people do..only ourselves.

it's not going to be easy, but it's better than the place you are at now, believe me i know, i was so crazy about my ex..i thought i couldn't live without her, but...i'm still here,still alive & believe it or not a heck of a lot better..i no longer have to worry about her dissapearing to get drugs or what she was doing to get them, why she wasn't answering the phone and all other things that drove me nuts.

you really want to get a good T, or if you are lucky like i finally got..a great t..makes all the difference in the world..i get to see my T today & i'm excited because things are really looking up for me, they can get good for you to, i still have my share of problems, but i have support now and am surrounding myself with better people, this is what you want to do.

once you start over..little by little things do improve, it's much better than where you are now, hurting yourself will only prolong the pain..in reality you want to feel good again..i almost forgot how, i suspect you feel the same, but you can put it all back together and pick up the pieces, if i did it anyone can...i really didn't think there was any hope, i don't even know why i even tried..but i did and i'm glad i did..don't give up, it gets better it really does...it may not seem like it at the moment but as they say "it's always darkest before the dawn' i believe that now, so give yourself a chance.

i hope this really does help you, PM me anytime

Sounds to me like typical BPD feelings! Doesn't make you worthless or pathetic, your just dealing with a difficult mental health issue. My therapist always tells me to be more descriptive so if I say 'Im clingy' I would have to rephrase that as something like 'I get anxious when my husband doesn't answer his phone and I don't like it when we don't get enough time to ourselves etc.' by rephrasing you are already doing away with judgements and seeing the problem more clearly and possible solutions. Also as an abused child myself I would implore you to be much kinder to yourself. Child abuse has far reaching consequences that are difficult to deal with and the fact you are reaching out for support on here is testament to your strength

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk