This is about an incredible journey I made recently, from death to life, and then quickly back to death.

Three months ago, I quit my longtime job due to intense harassment by my manager and HR siding with my manager. It turned out to be a life changing decision, one of the best I'd ever made. I felt liberated and ready to head in a new direction. After years of feeling dead, I felt the beginning of a new life.

It took a lot of courage to admit to myself that my biggest problem was always the fact that I was alone and lonely. I decided to try online dating again.

I met someone, almost on the first attempt, whom I was convinced was my future wife ! On our first date, we spent 7 hours together, and almost 12 hours on our second date. We both had engineering backgrounds, were both fitness junkies in good shape, the same age, with the same cultural background, and pretty much the same exact views on life. After about 18 years convinced I must die, for a few days, I actually convinced myself that I now need to live. I started to think about putting my life back together - job, finances, moving closer to her, etc.

We texted all day, everyday, despite the fact that we both hate texting with a passion. We'd talk about working out together, spooning and watching movies together at my place (which never happened !), how much we wanted to kiss and hold each other, and laying down on the beach together, under a warm beach blanket (which we did, more than once !). We even shared our more intimate fantasies It was really sweet and really great ! We never got bored of talking to each other everyday. We accepted each other for who we were.

When we walked together out in public, holding hands, people would stare at us coz we were a hot looking couple ! Both 6 feet tall, and in exceptionally good shape, haha ! Yes, we had that in common too

There was one big difference between us, though - she is emotionally stone cold and her heart is closed, while I'm exceptionally warm and my heart wide open to someone I like the slightest bit. Anyway, it ended over a stupid misunderstanding over the phone, three days ago.

I'm back to being dead again. But, I'm proud of myself, because, despite my certain knowledge that I was going to fail again, I tried. I lost miserably, but I tried hard this time ... I even gave up thoughts of dying for a bit. If you know me at all, that is almost unbelievable. It takes a LOT to convince me to live.

Sorry, I don't know what the meaning of this post is, except to share with you my fortunes, or misfortunes. Hope, if nothing else, that it entertained you.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounded like the two of you had a good connection. It's a shame it had to come to an end. But you are right, you tried and you can try again. Just because this one didn't work out doesn't mean that you won't find someone else. The whole world is open to you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Living Dead Guy]

Any fight can be remedied. Have you tried to discuss a public meeting were you can talk about it?

If not try more dating at the very least making connections seems to be helping you.

Hope things turn out for the best

[Frankbtl]

Hi lilodian,

Thanks for the update!!

And you're absolutely right, you should be SO proud of yourself for trying!! Every journey starts with a single step, and all that..........

And they say (and why shouldn't it be true ??!!) that every wrong person for you that you move on from can maybe take you one step/person closer to the right person for you.
And from what you've said.........emotionally stone cold, heart closed...........well glad you're maybe one step/person closer to someone right for you
You've shown you can open your heart, that you can let someone in, that you can be happy with someone.........just don't give up on that hey?? You have done GREAT reaching out!!!!

But right now, hey?? Well you're still right in the middle of that new life
You've still got so much needed escape from the old job, and the harassment constantly hanging over you..........you still have so many possibilities without being dragged down by that. And time to focus on you now
So new goals..........new things you might want to do for you???You went through so much to get to/end up with your new life, you really do deserve the very best of it..........keep on reminding yourself that, yes??

And if things are tough, keep on reminding yourself that we're here for you too!!

Ali