[woundedsoul]

I love my husband, and we've been married for 15 years now, but it seems like with every passing year, he seems to devalue me and anything that I say even more. I feel like, if I disagree with him, on anything, then he tries to make me feel like I'm stupid. Like with political issues, just because I really didn't care about the issues until about 6 years ago, he feels like I don't know anything. That I'm incapable of making an informed decision. Like his decisions are the only ones in this house that matter. Then when we're arguing, I just don't argue, because I know that I can't win with him. He's always right, so i just shut up. Then he gets mad at that. He tells me that I'm nicer to other people than I am to him. I don't know why he says that. I always ask how his day is, he gets mad if I talk to him when he is studying, so i try not to, then he says I never talk to him. I just can't win. He says if we go to a therapist, they would tell me that it's all my fault and that nobody else could put up with me. He often makes me feel really bad about myself but I don't want to just throw in the towel after 15 years. I don't know if he's just been under too much stress at work, and I'm the only one he can take it out on since he certainly can't do it at work. I just hope it gets better soon. I'm going to have to add more meds to my list

[shakespeare47]

do you suppose he might have his own personality disorder?

He says if we go to a therapist, they would tell me that it's all my fault and that nobody else could put up with me.

wow. That's pretty cold. I can see why you would be upset!

[ifst5]

Originally Posted by woundedsoul

He says if we go to a therapist, they would tell me that it's all my fault and that nobody else could put up with me. He often makes me feel really bad about myself but I don't want to just throw in the towel after 15 years.

That is downright unacceptable and it's not actually how Therapists work - they don't try and assign blame but instead take a more subtle approach towards getting couples to resolve their difficulties. I find it worrying that your Husband won't acknowledge his part in this and is reluctant to seek professional advice for you both. I understand it's difficult to simply give up on 15 years of marriage, but something has to give - your current situation cannot continue unchanged or you'll both be putting each other's wellbeing at further risk. When you next feel an argument brewing, i would calmly state your opinion, acknowledge his but then refuse further conversation if it descends into accusations/name calling. In fact it might be better to remove yourself from the room altogether after this. If you're putting a stop to whatever behaviour he's trying to goad from you, this shows an emotional maturity that's difficult to argue against - and is perhaps one reason why, i suspect, he's reluctant to go into therapy. Maybe he fears judgement for some of his actions? I really hope this situation can resolve peacefully for you both, you definitely don't deserve to be on the receiving end of this behaviour and he deserves a healthier way of dealing with whatever problems he might be having. All the best.