[Rikkmaery]

Hi, I'm Rikkmaery, though usually people shorten it to Rikk. I have not been Diagnosed for anything due to the fact that my parents worry about medicines and whatnot. They have had bad experiences with anti-depressants and pain killers. So until then, I rest on a big maybe.

Anyways, I spend my free time roleplaying, drawing, and 3D modeling. I struggle daily with my past, wishing I did things better. My relationships have always gone bad, I get obsessive, clingy, and I have experienced dissociation later when it starts to go bad.

Enjoy lyrics now:

I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need is behind every door
Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to
change
Because everyone has hopes, you're human
after all
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were
someone else
Feeling as though you never belong
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not
joy
I truly understand. Please, don't cry now
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate;
For all the hurt that you feel,
The world is just illusion, trying to change you
Being like you are
Well this is something else, who would
comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe, and it doesn't matter
anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, but I'm still not sure
But what I do know, is to us the world is
different
As we are to the world but I guess you would
know that
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that
you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave
here
I don't want you to change;
For all the hurt that you feel,
This world is just illusion, always trying to
change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that
you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave
here
I don't want you to change;
For all the hurt that you feel,
This world is just illusion, always trying to
change you

[atomicc]

Hi Rikk and welcome to PC! If in fact you are diagnosed with BPD, there are treatments that don't require medication. The first line of defense is usually therapy, usually DBT therapy but there are many other options. Medication is usually used to treat the symptoms that make it difficult to make any progress.
I hope you will reconsider trying to get professional help.
I'm glad you found the BPD forum, we are very supportive and friendly here.

[Secretum]

Illusion by vnv nation! I love that song. I can really relate to it, but I'm not borderline. (I have bipolar schizoaffective).

If you are having concerns, you should seek help. Therapy can help with a lot of mental health concerns. There are options out there besides meds!