[lifelies]

Hi there.
Some of you may already know me, but I'm Tom. I have dissociative identity disorder and also borderline personality disorder, which makes it incredibly difficult to function.
Anyhow - lately, due to a *****-ish alter, I got a boyfriend. It started as sex, and I obviously forced to have no expectations at all but surprisingly he didn't just leave - he stayed with me, we started dating, and we're quite a couple now.
Last Sunday I decided to tell G. (my boyfriend) about one of my conditions: borderline personality disorder. I didn't tell him about DID, and I don't plan to because apparently the system is kinda "frozen" now (I almost don't switch at all, which is great). I told him I was "unoficially diagnosed" by my father (yes, he diagnosed me with the sole purpose of hurting me), but I have yet to see a psychiatrist. I will go to a psychiatrist next September, hopefully, because I told my mother about my self harm and she finally realized something is wrong.
His initial reaction was to tell me he wouldn't speak to me until September. I obviously got an anxiety attack and started hating him. I was about to start telling him lots of horrible stuff, but I managed to control myself.
A few days later, he told me he missed me and that we had to talk about it because he missed me so much (how cute). I told him I wanted to be with him, and we resumed the daily talking. Unfortunately I can't see him daily, and when I do see him it's for a few hours, due to his work schedule. Yesterday we finally got to meet, and we talked a bit about it. I basically kind of lied to him and said I don't really think I have BPD, that I just got hypochondriac and froke out and wanted to rationalize my "normal teenager behavior."
Well, he bought it, and now we're OK. I feel horrible because I have to hide my disorder (I won't even think about DID, because he knows absolutely nothing about it) in order to prevent him to abandon me...
Also he told me that we've just known each other for two weeks and that it's not possible that I like him this much in such a short period of time, so he thinks I'm faking all my love to him. That really hurt me, because I know that's my fault because of BPD... Idealization... So now I try to act like I don't love him "that much," but he says he kind of misses my constant cuddly mood, lol.
I rationalized that idealization to him by telling him that I have no experiences in relationships and kinda freak out and don't know what to do (which is also true).

Anyway, I guess I needed to vent
Do you have any tips on what to do?

Hugs,
Tom

[Notoriousglo]

Hi sweetie. Sorry you are going through so much. I wanted to say what I think is that this person doesn't understand you, which you already know lol. For me, I used to try to hide my problems from prospects, b/c I wanted to keep them around and not scare them off along with not being judged. I also felt confusion about everything. Anyways, for me, this created more distress than I was already having from all my issues. It created this intense anxiety and I had an awful time trying to release myself to people again. I don't recommend you ever hide things from people, because if they are going to leave you because of it, it's better now than later. I realized that good people will not judge you because of who you are. This is what you desperately need in your situation, because you can't control what you're going through and I think you deserve someone who will try to understand you. I would tell this guy about your problems and just say up front that you aren't a bad person (that is true), but that you have continuous struggles with closeness and relationships in general. Tell him you really do feel interested in him at this point, but then leave the ball in his court. He can decide if he wants to pursue this or not. I know you want a relationship, but if you hide this stuff, it's self-defeating, b/c it will eventually come out and you will want to know if he's going to support you or not. Good luck. (You could also mention the type of help you're receiving so he knows you're interested in working on your problems.)

[Kimaya]

Hi Tom,

Euphy gave you some good advice, so I will just chime in... you need to focus on you right now. Whether or not you are borderline doesn't change the fact you need help, and you know you do. It also doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a strong person for being able to see that and have the strength to do something about it.

I am not sure what your BF's reasons are for needing to wait until your diagnosis, but even if they were good ones I don't see a good ending for the relationship. Whatever his reasons are your mental health is not something he is willing to cope with.

You are young and so is he (if you are both teenagers). He is not a life partner that you have to sacrifice yourself for. Get better first For you.