[June155]

Hey everyone,

I have some issues with the therapy I'm getting right now...
Sometimes after a session I really feel like I'm getting a connection with my therapist and I can trust him and be more myself, but there are other times (like the last one now) I feel like we're just not getting anywhere with this therapy...
My T really annoys me and he keeps talking about how I have to be really open with him and trust in him before the therapy can get me anywhere, but I just don't feel like he has done anything to deserve such openness from me.
I know it's a stupid question, but what has he ever done to earn my trust?
I'm also really annoyed by the fact that I only get 50 minutes to pour out my heart and that afterwards it's just like: oh session ended, off you go again, and that there seems to be a lack of a plan. I just get in and have to start talking about whatever I want to talk about. Usually I don't know what I want to talk about and it takes me about 45 minutes to come to the subject I actually want to discuss and then my 'time' is up.
I just don't know what to do, right now I feel like quitting all forms of therapy and just accepting myself the way I am and handle my issues myself because these people (psychologist and psychiatrist) are not being very useful.

(sidefacts: I've been going for 5 months now, and my T keeps saying that he feels like I come to him for answers or for him to tell me what to do, while he can only listen and that my approach isn't what I can expect from a therapist...)

[Travelinglady]

I think you should stay with him for awhile longer. What does he need to do to earn your trust? Can anyone ever "earn" your trust?

Keep in mind that borderlines are known for often getting mad at a therapist and quitting--and jumping from one therapist to another. So, they don't improve.

How about asking your therapist about getting some Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)? Maybe you can be referred to someone who does it in a group. Or maybe someone who does that therapy, along with staying with him.

Are you sure you want to stay like you are? I found being a borderline created a lot of problems in my life.

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by June155

Hey everyone,
I just don't know what to do, right now I feel like quitting all forms of therapy and just accepting myself the way I am and handle my issues myself because these people (psychologist and psychiatrist) are not being very useful.

(sidefacts: I've been going for 5 months now, and my T keeps saying that he feels like I come to him for answers or for him to tell me what to do, while he can only listen and that my approach isn't what I can expect from a therapist...)

Since it takes you 45 minutes to get to the topic what could you do to be more ready for therapy?
One thing that comes to mind is a notebook with dreams and conflicts all week long.
In the notebook could also go expectations for therapy.
With me therapy was a way so I could cope with my day to day life.
Maybe the notebook could be a place to post ideas for things you want to do in the next 6 months.
Maybe you could email the therapist a question about what he thinks you could get out of therapy. Or you could write what you hope to get out of therapy.
just some thoughts.

[haleylaurel]

i was with a therapist i hated for 4.5 years. we made no progress and no one would listen to me that she wasn't helping me.
if you don't feel comfortable, you should find someone who will actually help you.

[ifst5]

Hmmm...sounds more like a compatibility issue to me. He's right in that there is no magic wand, but if there's a lack of structure and he's also not doing anything to invite you to trust him better that could well be a sign that he's not suited to your needs. The fact that you've mentioned his response suggests the lines of communication have been opened but there now needs to be a resolution. I would push the matter further - state calmly yet plainly that you feel you aren't making the progress you'd have expected by now and if you cannot reach a new way of working soon you will begin considering a search for someone else. After all it's your time and your money - a more detached view like that might help you to gain a better perspective on the next course of action. For the moment, keep seeking a resolution but don't wait around too long, if the compatibility isn't there then it isn't there and no amount of hard work will change that. I hope this situation improves soon.

[Espresso]

I have a similar feeling about my therapist. It's more my fault though. I'm very closed off. I don't like to talk, especially about myself or my feelings. About the trust issue, my therapist has gained my trust over time by being there for me and not rejecting me when I revealed less than positive aspects of myself. That's enough for me.

[June155]

Thanks everyone,

As for the DBT, I'd like to do it, but I can't find it in my area, the closest place is over an hour away so I'm looking into other things..
I always find it difficult to question my therapist into his face because I'm scared he'll think I'm arrogant or I don't know, I find it very hard to demand things from people in general.
But I'll stick it out a bit longer, and try to open up more myself. And as CANDC stated, indeed try to prepare myself a bit more before I go in. If it doesn't get better after that, I'm definitely looking for a new one!

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by June155

My T really annoys me and he keeps talking about how I have to be really open with him and trust in him before the therapy can get me anywhere, but I just don't feel like he has done anything to deserve such openness from me.

Hi June... I don't if this helps, but I'm having trouble being open and "myself" with my T too. It's more like I'm "social me", and "social me" (instead of "real me") is pretty functional and polite and doesn't really need therapy.

I have talked to my T (and continue to talk to him) about this, and he keeps coming back to the need for "safety". He isn't trying to force me to be open/real, he's saying that until I feel "safe" enough in therapy, of course I won't be more open.

I have no idea how to feel "safer" in therapy (and he always asks if I have any idea what I need - nope!). But, it seems to be a more accurate interpretation, for me... if I could be open/real - if I could just flip a switch and do that - I would, because I want help! But I can't. So, instead, the goal for now seems to be safety.

Good luck with your therapy!

[fletch33]

I stopped going to my last therapist because I felt no connection with her and we literally talked about the same crap every time I went there. I took a long time to figure out that I needed to get a new therapist. Also, the new therapist that I have now does DBT. It's all personal preference.