[widgets]

What do you think about 2 people with BPD being in a relationship together?

What would be the pros and cons etc?

I often think it would be easier as they would understand how I feel but I am not sure I have the capacity to be able to support someone else's emotions as well as my own. Personally I think it would be harder Than having a relationship with a non bpd.

I do find though that I only seem to attract And be attracted to men and women that have 'issues' non of the people I have been out with have ever had diagnose or medication etc but I Have been with a guy who was very controlling and violent and also clearly had depressive moods, another guy who was very clued up on mental health disorders and seemed to understand exactly what triggered me and knew how I felt about things without me expressing anything to him. And a girl who seemed more borderline than I am, extremely emotional, needy and push/pull...

[Cynefrid]

I think it might work well if both know their diagnosis and are aware of their behaviors and wish to improve them. I think it might be easier than other relationships since we'd understand each other.
No experience with that to, waiting for answers

[Astriferous]

I think it would really depend on how severe their problems were, and how self-aware they were. If two BPD people in recovery were in a relationship, I think that it'd be beneficial because they'd understand each other and would help each other.

One of my very close friends has BPD and is in recovery, and our friendship can be rocky but it's also been very supportive. Friendships and romantic relationships are vastly different though, and I've never been in a proper relationship, so I'm probably not qualified to answer this question...

[widgets]

I've never been in a proper relationship either! I'm not even sure that's possible.

I feel like I am very self aware, but that goes out the window when I am seeing someone.

I think I for toxic people because I am too afraid of hurting someone who is nice

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by widgets

I've never been in a proper relationship either! I'm not even sure that's possible.

I feel like I am very self aware, but that goes out the window when I am seeing someone.

I think I for toxic people because I am too afraid of hurting someone who is nice

Oh I completely understand! That's what I'm going through right now. The boy I currently like is so nice and understanding to me and my issues, and I feel like he doesn't deserve me, because I'll mess things up.

It's such a funny paradox. My BPD tells me I need someone to love me unconditionally, but at the same time is saying that I'd be better off alone.

[technigal]

My thought is that it would be better to not have a romantic relationship with another BPD. While they could understand the experience of being BPD I could also see them triggering each other when in a rage.

My husband is not a BPD, he has Aspergers which I thinks helps things as I am over-emotional and he has few emotions. He is very supportive of me and my BPD and a very big reason I am where I am now - functioning very well.

[Trippin2.0]

I wouldn't personally opt to have a relationship with a fellow BPD'er.

In my relationship I am the storm and my bf is the calm, I am the raging chaotic ocean, and he is my anchor.

He's good about boundaries, I'm still defining and redefining mine.

When I am over reactionary and emotional, he is able to remain calm and become the voice of reason.

Also he knows when I'm about to short circuit before I even do.

We balance eachother out and this contributes largely to the fact that for the first time, I am actually in a healthy relationship.

He is 90% of the reason I decided to persue help for my BPD (as it affects him the most) and the fact that he's sooo opposite of me has been very beneficial for my road to recovery.

I'm not saying 2 Borderlines should never date, (I can definitly see the Pros) I just know I wouldn't personally choose to. With this being said though, my BF does suffer from bouts of severe depression, so with me having a dual dx of BP and BPD, he atleast understands the downside of things I deal with.

Originally Posted by widgets

What do you think about 2 people with BPD being in a relationship together?

What would be the pros and cons etc?

I often think it would be easier as they would understand how I feel but I am not sure I have the capacity to be able to support someone else's emotions as well as my own. Personally I think it would be harder Than having a relationship with a non bpd.

I do find though that I only seem to attract And be attracted to men and women that have 'issues' non of the people I have been out with have ever had diagnose or medication etc but I Have been with a guy who was very controlling and violent and also clearly had depressive moods, another guy who was very clued up on mental health disorders and seemed to understand exactly what triggered me and knew how I felt about things without me expressing anything to him. And a girl who seemed more borderline than I am, extremely emotional, needy and push/pull...

I've had this experience with someone I met on a different forum, so I'll base my response on my experience.

Pros: Yes, it can be easier because you're able to understand and accept each others' flaws (if they should be called flaws). And, to a certain extent, you can empathize with each other (for instance, when she saw my cutting scars, she kissed my arm instead of judging me for them). Also, you can openly discuss everything with them, including things you wouldn't dream of telling your best friend or your parents (because they're nons and wouldn't understand). In my brief relationship, I did enjoy being able to talk about anything and everything with her. We enjoyed an openness and candor I haven't come close to experiencing with anyone else before or since. With the greater empathy and acceptance can also come greater passion and attraction towards the other person. At least it did in my case. We were attached at the hip till it ended.

Cons: Unfortunately, since we're generally emotionally supercharged people to begin with, two people's emotions combined can have a synergistic effect and go way out of control. This makes it hard to work through relationship problems, because we tend to use emotion in place of rationale and logic. You could also be anxious and insecure about the other person (esp if you perceive that their condition is more severe than yours). Think about this, for instance - would you really like to be under constant fear of your significant other going into your kitchen and grabbing a knife or breaking into your medicine cabinet to try to OD ? For the entire duration that she stayed with me, I was so afraid that she might do this, that I actually hid all my cooking knives and pills.

Now, if you're a girl (and I know that you are, haha), you might be better off finding a male non, coz he might be emotionally stronger than a borderline male. He might just label you as "difficult" or "dramatic" if he doesn't understand your BPD condition. He can take care of you, be your savior, your knight in shining armor !

Not as easy for guys Most women want to be taken care of, not the other way around - probably the reason I've been single all my life.

Hope this helps, widgets !

[Notoriousglo]

I don't think it would work at all...and as well have had a therapist hint at the fact that two broken people do not fix one another. Whether or not that is true, I agree with it. One thing that I see is, awareness means very little when the problem comes involuntarily, as I believe it does in my case. You can understand something and not be able to fix it. I also don't think I want to face my own problems in another person, but this is just me.

My current boyfriend does not have mental illnesses and I find it very relaxing.

[widgets]

I just want to be with someone who isnt scared by it, but all the people who haven't been phased by it have, like I said had their own issues which in turn affects me.

Anyone who is a stable normal person, i cant see them wanting to be in a relationship with me to be honest.

I would like to find someone who is completely at ease around people with mental health problems and learning disabilities, yet doesn't suffer themselves.

I suppose the most important thing is the fact I am well enough to support myself before being In a relationship because I need to be able to look after myself rather than completely relying on someone else to keep me stable and that would cause a strain on the relationship

[Notoriousglo]

I thought the same as you, that someone healthy would not want me, but it wasn't true. You need to experience it before you believe it. Some guys will HELP you.

[Astriferous]

I think a lot of the reasons why most mentally healthy men don't go for mentally ill women is because of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, especially personality disorders and psychotic disorders. There was this really disturbing article on why a man shouldn't date a BPD woman, which was full of misogyny and downright lies.

But like euphy said, some men are decent enough to try and help you overcome your mental health issues. Obviously, having a relationship won't magically cure you of BPD, but having the reassurance that you're loved is really beneficial to recovery.

[Cynefrid]

Originally Posted by Astriferous

I think a lot of the reasons why most mentally healthy men don't go for mentally ill women is because of the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, especially personality disorders and psychotic disorders. There was this really disturbing article on why a man shouldn't date a BPD woman, which was full of misogyny and downright lies.

But like euphy said, some men are decent enough to try and help you overcome your mental health issues. Obviously, having a relationship won't magically cure you of BPD, but having the reassurance that you're loved is really beneficial to recovery.

Still have the link to the article?

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by Cynefrid

Still have the link to the article?

Here it is.

The website it comes from is notorious for rampant misogyny and other grossness, so I'm not really surprised that the article is a piece of filth.

[widgets]

It's a sick site. It offends me more from the point of being a woman than BPD...

These sexist pigs could be any number of men I encounter or even people I may like! It scares me to think there are so many out there

[Astriferous]

Originally Posted by widgets

It's a sick site. It offends me more from the point of being a woman than BPD...

These sexist pigs could be any number of men I encounter or even people I may like! It scares me to think there are so many out there

It's really scary that there are so many sexist pigs out there... it makes me thankful for the ones in my life that aren't...

[Cynefrid]

Originally Posted by widgets

It's a sick site. It offends me more from the point of being a woman than BPD...

These sexist pigs could be any number of men I encounter or even people I may like! It scares me to think there are so many out there

I don't know the site, but I've read the article and the main point seems to be "don't have a serious relationship with someone who's mood changes rapidly".

Now, I'd like to dismiss it just as you seem to be doing but I quit having serious relationships just because of the too strong feelings they elicit. Feelings that change rapidly and affect others of course.

So I wonder if sadly it isn't a quite spot-on article, for me at least, despite it's very rude, offensive and arrogant tone.

:/

[cryingontheinside]

I became best friends with another girl with bpd like me and we ended up hating each other!

[Kimaya]

Originally Posted by Astriferous

It's such a funny paradox. My BPD tells me I need someone to love me unconditionally, but at the same time is saying that I'd be better off alone.

Yep! Been married 12 years now, and in a similar constant state (I want unconditional love but I feel like I do not deserve it). Both feelings come from being BPD I think too... because we often feel we are bad.

My husband has something undiagnosed, PD type and other emotional issues. I feel like because we need each other so much we stay together, but we definitely do not make the best team out there. It's like two cripples running in a three legged race sometimes, each of them using their own more functional abilities to supplement the other's weaknesses.

edit - I have a hard time getting along with borderlines IRL, usually I cannot supply what they need even when I really enjoy their friendship.

[widgets]

'i was your cure, yoy were my disease, i was saving you and you were killing me.'

I saw this quote earlier and thought it was very fitting.

Like with ANY relationship someone is going to be stronger willed and someone is going to give more than they take and vice versa.

I think a relationship with one 1 BPD is going to be a balancing act, but with 2, for it to work would need utter precision, without complete balance one or both could fall and break.

Having said that, the other party in a relationship with someone with BPD needs to have an awareness amf understanding of mental health problems that can possibly only come with actually having them.