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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 1,432
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Aug 13, 2014 at 07:53 PM
#1
How does the identity portion of the BPD diagnosis manifest itself in your case?
I'm asking because I'm at that stage again where I'm not sure I believe that there's anything wrong with me, and I'm trying to compare my potential identity issues with other people's experiences. |
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Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 144
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Aug 13, 2014 at 08:05 PM
#2
I suppose my identity issues are kind of tied in with my attachment issues. Basically, with me, without other people by my side, I'm nothing. And by that I mean I have absolutely no self-esteem or self-worth whatsoever. I don't know where I end and the people around me begin.
I hope this made sense. I'm quite bad at explaining myself. :P __________________ DX: ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, social phobia, complex posttraumatic stress disorder, BPD/traits. |
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 Anonymous200145
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 Espresso, MoxieDoxie
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Member Since Feb 2014
Location: texas, USA
Posts: 64
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Aug 13, 2014 at 08:27 PM
#3
I go through that. Big time. One stage I'm in the closet crying in the pits of hell and self loathing and a week/month or so later I'm thinking in fine.. It's the people around me and my situation.
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Astriferous, Espresso, MoxieDoxie
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Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 292
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Aug 13, 2014 at 08:41 PM
#4
My personal beliefs and opinions change and I don't know what causes the change sometimes. Sometimes when in conversation, conflicting thoughts run around in my head and I am not sure which one is right. Sometimes I am confused which way to present to my therapist. I need her to define the tone if u know what I mean. Around people I have an angry default presentation that hides that I don't know what I feel or think at all. It's painful for me. In relationships I switch back and forth between mainly what I think is two personalities and I can authentically feel each one. I think you should explain your symptoms to a professional and see what they think.
__________________   A careless father's careful daughter... |
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Espresso
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Aug 14, 2014 at 01:28 AM
#5
Quote:
1 - Gender identity issues (NOT to the point of wanting to change gender or anything of that sort). Though I'm quite happy being a guy, I feel like my life would have been much easier being female (wanting a savior as opposed to being a savior), if that makes sense. I long for a shoulder to cry on. In the dating world, that means I always lose  2 - Identity with respect to goals in life (stuff that really matters): Every few years (or weeks), this changes. Sometimes I think about becoming a lifelong search and rescue volunteer, on most days, all I want is to build lean body tissue, etc, ... you get the idea. Hope this helps. |
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Espresso
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Aug 14, 2014 at 03:53 AM
#6
It's like havin a devil and a angel on your shoulder and them talking in ya ear as thoughts conflict in every conversation. Lol xxx
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Espresso, Notoriousglo
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Member Since Jun 2014
Location: West USA
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Aug 14, 2014 at 06:09 AM
#7
1. Having trouble deciding what is right and wrong, or with decisions and plans in general, constantly searching the different perspectives of things.
2. Hating and loving things about yourself at once or constantly alternating, often the same things have deep conflicting viewpoints 3. Not being able to connect to people or get what makes them tick or feeling like an alien pretending among them edit - I also have the gender issue... but I have no idea if that is because of being borderline. It definitly makes me curious. As a child I would prefer to play the male role in any make-believe, and it is a perspective I continue to prefer when storytelling/writing. I get sort of bored of the female role? Hah... well, again, no idea if this is borderline or just some childish fantasy. __________________ Wifey, artist, daydreamer. Last edited by Kimaya; Aug 14, 2014 at 07:05 AM.. |
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| NoChildSupport
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Espresso
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: la la land uk
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Aug 14, 2014 at 05:29 PM
#8
i just do not have a sense of identity , i do not know who i am or what i really want i feel much of what i experience is fake and yearn for something REAL,
__________________ The world is not blind it does not want to see !!!  dx severe Depression Gad Social phobic Borderline pd part time insomniac |! 
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Espresso
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Member
Member Since May 2014
Location: uk northwest
Posts: 72
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Aug 18, 2014 at 03:39 PM
#9
Hi there
Although not diagnosed, I do relate alot to this. I occasionally feel an urge, if that's the right word, to become something. I find out about it and see myself as that identity. It'absolutely real to me when it happens, and I have never felt happy with who I am. Currently it's religion. I neeed to 'become ' part of and follow a framework for living, or I feel empty of meaning. Like you I struggle with the 'good' and 'bad' voices, and with opposing thoughts and ideas within a short space. It fels out of control sometimes and leads to spending money I shoudn't. I don't know what my problem is, but I know I have one. 
__________________  
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Espresso
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2010
Posts: 1,018
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Aug 18, 2014 at 04:25 PM
#10
I have absolutely no idea who i am to be honest. I know that i have a collection of likes and dislikes which are subject to frequent and immediate change depending on my circumstances...i know there are those who would argue that this is the same for most people but with BPD there's a very particular kind of awareness. Speaking more generally, i feel that if you're 'crazy' and don't know it...great, but if you do know, yeah it's a very different ball game.
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| moodycow
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Espresso
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Grand Member
Member Since Oct 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 921
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Aug 18, 2014 at 04:43 PM
#11
I always change and reinvent myself.
Like one day I will be indie, and creative and artsy, then I will want to be intellectual and studious. One minute I am career focused then I want to travel. My 'phases' take over my whole life, feminism, baking, art, reading, clubbing, gym, poetry, buddism, bdsm, charity work, working with children, writing. When asked what my goals and hobbies are, my answers could be different and opposing in any given month or year. I adopt different personas based on who i am with, and it takes over to the point I genuinely don't remember the parts of me which don't fit with that persona.. Plus I find this hard to explain because I often feel what I am in that moment is definitely the real me. __________________ MZG |
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Espresso, Mustkeepjob32
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Member Since May 2014
Location: san diego
Posts: 135
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Aug 18, 2014 at 07:50 PM
#12
Quote:
__________________ desperately trying not to drown |
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| Anonymous200145, Astriferous
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Member Since Aug 2014
Location: Albany, NY
Posts: 147
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Aug 28, 2014 at 05:56 PM
#13
Quote:
I usually feel fake too. Whatever group of people I'm around, I act like them without even realizing it. If I'm around too many different personalities, it feels as though my system has crashed. My interests never last. My fascination with people who I aspire to be like never lasts. I don't know who or how I should be. I feel like I can't just be me cause there's nothing there. |
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| Astriferous
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Astriferous, Espresso
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Member
Member Since Dec 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 144
10 61 hugs
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Aug 28, 2014 at 07:46 PM
#14
Quote:
__________________ DX: ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, social phobia, complex posttraumatic stress disorder, BPD/traits. |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: West USA
Posts: 302
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Aug 28, 2014 at 09:28 PM
#15
Quote:
When I am with people, especially a lot of them, I feel like I am another species quietly observing, and wondering how long I will have to be there with these strange entities. LOL. __________________ Wifey, artist, daydreamer. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2014
Location: india
Posts: 12
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Sep 01, 2014 at 12:31 PM
#16
Your signature quote is awesome!
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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