[ladywolfcreates]

so, I'm new here. I posted my intro on the general boards. This is my second post, and I guess I need to step it up if I want to be able to join Chats...though part of me wants to and part of me doesn't.

My BPD is so hard to deal with right now. I just don't know how I am going to get through. I am fighting thoughts of cutting every day. Things are no longer just things, I find myself unconsciously thinking "oh, I could use that to cut with". Isn't Borderline supposed to ease up as you get older? Because I believe mine is the worst it has ever been, and I am 40.

I have other diagnoses: Bipolar type 2, PTSD, and Panic disorder. I struggle with those symptoms too, but I honestly feel the BPD is so much worse that treating and dealing with that has to be the focus right now. I know DBT is the main treatment for BPD, and it has been recommended to me as my only hope, but right now I can't get into it. They don't offer it close to me, so it looks like I will be moving to get closer to treatment, but moving takes time, especially when you are on SSI and have little to no money left over after the bills each month.

I go to a women's group on Tuesdays. The group leader used to be my therapist (for about 7 years. I stopped seeing her because it was nice, but not helpful). She could see that I am really, really having a hard time, and suggested that I go into the hospital. I don't want to do that, for several reasons, but the main one is knowing they don't want me there. I was sent home after only 3 days in January. That was when they said "we can't help you. DBT is going to be your only hope".

I'm feeling really fragile again right now, and everything hurts and is too much. I just don't know what to do.

[Travelinglady]

Hi! I believe I have posted before on the other post. Have you checked out this forum?http://forums.psychcentral.com/self-injury/.

I am sorry you are struggling so. Have you tried medications to calm you down?

I hope things will get better soon.

[ladywolfcreates]

I am on medications. I take Lithium Carbonate ER 450mg twice a day, Abilify 2mg at night, Vistaril 25mg twice daily, Effexor XR 150mg, Fish Oil 100mg twice a day, and Ativan 1mg once daily as needed. Plus several for medical issues.

[moodycow]

i am in late 40s an bpd worse its ever been ! you are not alone hang in there

[Espresso]

That's rough that you feel that the hospital isn't an option anymore. If you think you might do severe damage to yourself, go to the hospital anyway. You could try getting a couple DBT books to look at on your own until you are able to get into a DBT group.

[Iheartdogs]

I'm so sorry. I know that feeling too well where you feel as though you have exhausted all possible solutions and don't know what to do next. If nothing else, please know you are not alone.

[lynn808]

I do feel for you. I am 53 and still struggling too. some days im not sure I can make it through anymore. feel like I am on an island alone.